Terrorists Offer Condolences

Shortly after a press conference held by Colonel Leon Heller on Friday morning to address the deaths and decapitation of two U.S. soldiers while on their way to a vehicle checkpoint Thursday, the editor of the New York Times received an anonymous letter expressing "deepest condolences for the families of Private First Class Christian Cardoso and Private First Class Cody Tober" who died "the only way a real soldier hopes to: fighting for the cause that she or he believes in."

"It is unfortunate," the letter continued, "that the country's current government forces its people to stand in opposition against one another through abuse of power and the gross misrepresentation of fact surrounding the Suresh Linkage Complex, local resistance movements and the causal relationship between them. The brave young men who were killed in the line of duty yesterday afternoon need not have died if individuals like Colonel Leon Heller did not order them to target innocents whose only crime is having no one to turn to except those of us who recognize and are willing to address the injustices perpetuated by Humanis First and its supporters in Washington."

The full contents of the letter are being withheld at the request of military officials in New York City. "Publishing transcripts of terrorist propaganda does nothing except encourage the individuals responsible for its circulation," said Colonel Leon Heller, one of the officials mentioned in the letter. "But even if the letter contained anything of real worth, we can't release it to the public until we're sure that making it available won't compromise the integrity of the investigation."

The letter has been turned over to the Federal Bureau of Investigations and the Department of Homeland Security for analysis. Officials declined to comment whether or not they thought they would be able to positively identify the author.

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