Broadcasts: Lonely Radio

OOC Date: March 27, 2019
RADIO: Entry 12, March 31st.
RADIO: I wish you were listening.
RADIO: It's been such a long time since I felt like you were there.
RADIO: I remember the way you'd… smile.
RADIO: Just look down at me and smile.
RADIO: You and mom both just–you had a way about you. You could make anything that worried me go away.
RADIO: I remember that time, after I screwed up getting into Peridance
RADIO: You took me up onto the roof
RADIO: With that old ham radio
RADIO: And we just listened to the chatter.
RADIO: We sat up there until after it got dark. After I'd cried out all the tears I had.
RADIO: I don't know if I've ever been happy like that again.
RADIO: Everything changed.
RADIO: and now you're gone.
RADIO: Part of me hopes, somehow, somewhere… you're listening.
RADIO: Maybe this broadcast will just– it'll bounce around the universe, like the others did.
RADIO: Maybe they'll find you somewhere, when you're sad.
RADIO: Maybe you'll hear my voice, and it'll make you happy.
RADIO: I miss you, dad.
RADIO: But like you always said
RADIO: There's work to be done
RADIO: and we can rest when we're dead.
RADIO: {pop}

OOC Date: March 29, 2019
RADIO: {crackle}
RADIO: Entry 13, March 29th.
RADIO: So… I've been trying to think of something to say.
RADIO: Something… I don't know, purposeful.
RADIO: The um, I don't know. I guess… trying to figure out why I'm doing this?
RADIO: I remember when I was growing up, my mother would take me for walks in the woods. We lived out in the boonies.
RADIO: She loved nature.
RADIO: Nature didn't really love her, but… I think it's because she grew up in a city.
RADIO: She liked the change.
RADIO: I didn't know any different. The cabin we lived in was so cut off from the world. We had whatever television you could pick up with tinfoil covered rabbit ears, we had one AM radio station that came in…
RADIO: We had each other.
RADIO: So mom would take me on walks.
RADIO: She'd show me plants, have me point out birds – dad had gotten me this little handbook for identifying birds in the Pacific Northwest.
RADIO: I was good at it.
RADIO: Dad was always the reader, mom was the doer. Dad tried to take me out on a hike once…
RADIO: Only time I ever got lost.
RADIO: He didn't, uh, try again.
RADIO: We got home before dark, mom was worried. She worried a lot.
RADIO: Dad worried too… and I never– I never realized why.
RADIO: I thought everybody lived we way we did.
RADIO: Apart from everyone.
RADIO: I miss those days. Being young, small.
RADIO: When I thought the world was trees and mountains as far as the eye could see.
RADIO: When I thought birds were the only friends I'd ever have.
RADIO: I miss the smell of pine trees. Fresh rain. The way morning dew would cling to spider webs.
RADIO: Those are all here, in New York, too. I suppose you just have to look harder to see them.
RADIO: I guess I'm just afraid.
RADIO: If I look too hard to find the things I love
RADIO: I'll find the things I'm not supposed to see.
RADIO: The things that see back.
RADIO: The voice between the stars.
RADIO: The lights.
RADIO: Whatever the fuck, anyway.
RADIO: {pop}

OOC Date: April 3, 2019
Content Warning: child death
RADIO: {chirp}
RADIO: Entry 14, April 3rd.
RADIO: I watched someone die once.
RADIO: I've never said that out loud before.
RADIO: I was 23 years old.
RADIO: We'd been living without… food or electricity for a while, my father and I.
RADIO: It was a fucking nightmare.
RADIO: I'd been sick for a couple days, botulism from bad canned food. I didn't have it as bad as Kenneth did.
RADIO: Dad was trying to figure out what to do.
RADIO: We were holed up in this… I guess it used to be a ski lodge, somewhere on the border of Utah and Idaho.
RADIO: Cherry Peak.
RADIO: I couldn't really get around. Kenneth was having a worse time. He was so sick.
RADIO: I could tell dad was panicking. He didn't handle this stuff well.
RADIO: Eventually he made a tough choice, to leave me and Kenneth alone. He was going to head down the mountain into town, look for a hospital that still had medicine. Something.
RADIO: I didn't know how serious this was. The nerve damage it could cause.
RADIO: I think dad did.
RADIO: Kenneth and I were only alone for a day. We were both sick from food poisoning too, throwing up. Just bile and water. I felt like I was going to die.
RADIO: Our cots were right next to each other, so dad could keep an eye on us both.
RADIO: I held his hand, kept him comfortable. Told him stories about mom.
RADIO: About the world before it went to shit.
RADIO: Kenneth was… he was eleven.
RADIO: We'd picked him up in Boulder. Car dead on the side of the road, riddled with bullets. Dad wanted to try and get some gas from it.
RADIO: He was hiding in the back seat, under his parents' corpses.
RADIO: I remember the look on Dad's face when we found him alive.
RADIO: He just stared.
RADIO: He just stared so long.
RADIO: I don't know what he would've done if I hadn't shaken him.
RADIO: But we took Kenneth. He hated being called Ken.
RADIO: So here I was
RADIO: Holding his hand
RADIO: and dad comes home
RADIO: He's got that look in his eyes, like when we found Kenneth.
RADIO: He sets down his pack, pulls out some stuff from the clinic he raided.
RADIO: Lots of antibiotics, bandages, survival stuff.
RADIO: Dad explained that there wasn't much to go around.
RADIO: He explained what antitoxin was.
RADIO: He said he was sorry.
RADIO: And he suffocated Kenneth with his pillow.
RADIO: He only had enough for me.
RADIO: We left Cherry Mountain the next morning.
RADIO: We never talked about what happened.
RADIO: That was right before we found mom.
RADIO: And everything changed.
RADIO: {pop}

OOC Date: April 3, 2019
RADIO: {crackle}
RADIO: Entry 15, April 4th.
RADIO: New York is a hard place to live.
RADIO: I don't believe in ghosts, but it still feels haunted.
RADIO: You look at the Safe Zone from far enough away, and sure, it looks like progress.
RADIO: So, yesterday
RADIO: Yesterday I was walking through Jackson Heights
RADIO: Up on Broadway, past where most folks live. Where they're doing a lot of construction.
RADIO: I cut down this sidestreet between two tenement buildings.
RADIO: Came into this area, used to be a loading dock for a bodega or something.
RADIO: All brick. Nobody lived nearby.
RADIO: There were these bullet holes in the wall. Pockmarks.
RADIO: All along one wall.
RADIO: Couple of shell casings on the ground.
RADIO: Old, dirty.
RADIO: There was one shoe, a flat. Nothing else.
RADIO: It's hard not to be reminded of what happened here when you see things like that.
RADIO: That stuff is everywhere. Little vignettes of the once was and never-will-be's.
RADIO: There's a house in Park Slope I saw… plates and cups out on a dining room table. Forks and knives. Was it dinner when the war hit? Did they escape?
RADIO: I don't know where I'm going with this, I guess. It's just… how do you live somewhere that the dead refuse to leave?
RADIO: How do you live next to a charnel house like the island of Manhattan? How do you pretend it'll be ok?
RADIO: When it could just as easily happen again
RADIO: My… dad taught me to assume the worst, hope for the best.
RADIO: My mom…
RADIO: {long silence}
RADIO: Fuck.
RADIO: {breathing}
RADIO: Oh my God I miss you.
RADIO: I miss you so much.
RADIO: {pop}

OOC Date: April 5, 2019
RADIO: {static}
RADIO: Entry 16, April 6th.
RADIO: I'm a hypochondriac.
RADIO: I mean, not bad. Not debilitatingly.
RADIO: My mother was a doctor, and when the world went to shit I watched her treating a lot of people with a lot of… really horrible illnesses.
RADIO: When the world ends, hospitals and antibiotics are the first things people miss. Not shelter, not food, not water. You can find those things yourself.
RADIO: But if you get a staph infection?
RADIO: Be ready to be acquainted with worms.
RADIO: I was terrified of dying like the people in the triage centers did.
RADIO: When everything went to shit we headed west again. Wound up around Salt Lake City. The triage centers there were… it was unbelievable.
RADIO: Mom insisted that we stay, help as many people as we could, build up a healthy resistance for when we could fight back.
RADIO: Dad had fallen into a pretty bad depression.
RADIO: I think he went along with it because it made mom feel like she had a purpose.
RADIO: Most of the people she treated were sick from radiation poisoning. The plant up in Provo had melted down.
RADIO: I don't know how bad it was. How many people died. We just didn't have the supplies to take care of it.
RADIO: But it wasn't even the radiation sickness that scared me the most. It was the diseases. From eating spoiled food, colds running rampant. The first winter a lot of people died from stuff that never would've happened if we had access to a hospital.
RADIO: After the spring came, nobody wanted to stay anymore. But nobody knew where to go.
RADIO: That's… right around when Donald showed up.
RADIO: That's when we headed back east.
RADIO: That's when I got sick.
RADIO: {pop}

OOC Date: April 10, 2019
RADIO: {static}
RADIO: Entry 17, April 10th
RADIO: So I guess there's this company that wants to build a space ship that'll travel to another solar system
RADIO: Somebody at work was talking about it.
RADIO: How abilities are gonna make stuff possible. A ship families live and die on for like… hundreds of years.
RADIO: Its hard to imagine that. I mean… not living in a cramped little space forever. But like… living and dying knowing you're just on the way somewhere.
RADIO: I… guess that's life though, isn't it?
RADIO: Heh. My dad would call that "deep."
RADIO: I think I was talking about my folks last time. My mom and… yeah.
RADIO: Thinking about them makes me wish I could sign up to travel to another planet. It's hard being here, in the shadow of their lives, but without…
RADIO: I wonder what that world would be like… a few hundred years in the future. Would they make the same fucked up mistakes we did?
RADIO: Would they learn from a history of mistakes and try and start something better?
RADIO: Or would it just be same shit, different planet?
RADIO: My dad was an optimist.
RADIO: He called my mom a "realist" but I know he really meant skeptic.
RADIO: Can you imagine living in that… big spaceship
RADIO: And like
RADIO: Getting a divorce?
RADIO: Talk about the most fucking awkward thing in the world.
RADIO: Because the passenger's gotta have kids. People are gonna fall in love. And people are gonna be human.
RADIO: I can tell you… being human in confined quarters isn't humanity.
RADIO: The shit I saw.
RADIO: Would fucking boil your eyes.
RADIO: And that's not even counting the way I left. Haha, fuck.
RADIO: Ok. I… I should stop before somebody arrests me.
RADIO: Or sends me into space.
RADIO: I'm not sure what would be worse.
RADIO: {pop}

OOC Date: April 18, 2019
RADIO: {crackle}
RADIO: Entry 18, April 20th.
RADIO: I've been thinking a lot about history, lately.
RADIO: Reading.
RADIO: I mean, thinking too. I guess.
RADIO: There's this one book, I picked it up at the Red Hook Market
RADIO: Living in a Mythic Age, by Ilsa Larange
RADIO: There's a part in the foreword that I've been having a hard time getting out of my head
RADIO: "We like to think that the story of SLC-Expressive humans began in 2006, but the truth of the matter is that they've been here for generations ? if not even longer than that. The genetic experimentation of World War II may be the oldest documented touchstone, but stories of people with superhuman abilities permeate myth and legends…
RADIO: … How much of these are fiction and how much are fact is now thrown into question. Are the mythological figures of our past truly myths, or were they the contemporary "Evolved" of their time? With the blinders removed, are we now also living in mythic times?"
RADIO: It's bothered me for days.
RADIO: I don't really thing the author is wrong. I can't imagine that we just… that we all popped up out of nowhere in World War II. That just doesn't seem plausible.
RADIO: But if that's the case, how likely is it that people like us weren't found out? The Company only existed for… what, forty years? Maybe?
RADIO: We can maybe write off ancient stuff as literal legends. But the industrial revolution – the advent of printing presses and telephone and radio – you can't just handwave it all away. If there were as many of us now as there were then, there'd be more evidence. Even the Company couldn't keep their secret forever.
RADIO: A figure I've seen tossed around is that Evolved – SLC-Expressives – account for about 1% of earth's population. That's a huge number.
RADIO: Even with lower population numbers in, say, the 1800s one percent is still one percent. Statistically we would've had a dozen Midtown explosions by now. But we haven't.
RADIO: So I've been wondering… did that percentage just… increase? Did the ratio of Expressive to Non-Expressives change at some point? Was it gradual and we eventually just hit something like the singularity, but for genetics? Or was it more sudden?
RADIO: I found a study done by a Doctor Mohinder Suresh in 2009, where he stated that after the October 2006 eclipse birth rates for "Evolved" – his word choice not mine – rose dramatically.
RADIO: But that makes like zero fucking sense.
RADIO: An eclipse has about as much effect on genetics as the moon being in Sagittarius has an effect on your dating life or however the fuck astrology works.
RADIO: But something happened. This other scientist, Jean-Martin Luis has this paper on solar activity and maximums and minimums or something. It's kind of over my head. Maybe it's radiation? Triggering something?
RADIO: But if that's the case aren't we eventually going to reach a maximum saturation point? Where the percentage of Expressives keeps climbing until…
RADIO: I mean until there no distinction?
RADIO: And what does that mean for astronauts? Is going into space something that would effect that? Literally zero people, as far as I've found, have done studies on the effects of exposure to microgravity and cosmic radiation in a space environment and SLC-Expressives. Nobody!
RADIO: China apparently has a space program with compulsory service of Evolved – Expressive – engineers. You'd think they'd wonder about that.
RADIO: I don't know.
RADIO: It probably doesn't matter. But it raises more questions than it answers.
RADIO: But the one thing I cant figure out is… and maybe this is something that got lost in the shuffle given that there was literally a guy who went nuclear, but
RADIO: How do you have people see an eclipse in Japan at the same time as Manhattan? I mean all the science I've read says the eclipse happened over Manhattan, but there's people on the literal other side of the world who claim to have seen it, even though no photographs of it exist.
RADIO: I mean maybe this has something to do with whatever the Mandela Effect is. I'm still alternatingly mad and confused after reading about that.
RADIO: I mean… I have an answer for that. But I'm pretty sure that's an outlier.
RADIO: Anyway.
RADIO: This is me being mad about statistics.
RADIO: {*pop*}

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