Blue Blood


lynette2_icon.gif ryans2_icon.gif

Scene Title Blue Blood
Synopsis Ryans is upset and worried with Delia's gallivanting into the past. Lynette gives him something more present to worry about.
Date October 20, 2010

Gun Hill: Lynette's Apartment

Lynette Rowan sometimes has bad days. While in the past they might have been met with a lot of shopping indulgence, these days, it's a little different.

For one, Frank Sinatra is playing from within the apartment, which tends to come along with martinis, you know, to keep in theme. And while the apartment isn't dirty, it is… disheveled. Her book case seems to have fallen over, her dining room table has been upset, the chairs sort of haphazardly strewn here and there… it looks a bit like a tornado came through. Or, perhaps, a raging temper.

One of these is more likely.

But the woman herself sits curled up in the corner of her couch, martini glass in hand and very nearly empty. Which means she'll have to get up soon, to head to the one undisrupted room for a refill.

With his youngest daughter AWOL, Benjamin has been a touch more uptight lately, even a little distant. Burying himself in his work and trying not to think about her being back in Vietnam, with all that death and danger. Stuff that still haunts him to this day, it would haunt anyone.

Maybe it's the same reason that brings the old man to the land lady's door step now. A need to distract himself from the worry.

Brushing fingers through his hair — he really needs a hair cut — just a bit self conscious about his looks. That same hand runs along his jaw, finding it a little rough with stubble — he really needs to shave as well. He decides not to let it stop him from reaching out and rapping knuckles on her door.

What luck this man has.

His knock is met with the sound of glass breaking against the floor, and a soft, but emphatic, "Oh hell," muttered from the lady of the house. But, regardless, Lynette makes her way around the glass and to the door to peek out. And then she looks back at the state of her apartment. Someday, it will be nice and neat when he comes over.

Someday, like, when drug addiction isn't making her not really care about the apartment.

So when the door swings open, she leans against it for support, because she's just a little tipsy at the moment. "Ben," she greets steadily, a smile coming to her lips. "I… It's…" Okay, sort of steady. "Are you alright, darling?" It's funny how she's always asking that question when she's clearly in a bad state herself.

And again her question is met with a similar statement, as he sees the worsening state of her home, " I should be asking you the same thing." Ryans eyes drift over the mess with a furrow of his brows, then looks down at the smaller blonde. "Lynette…" he starts, but stops himself, even if his concern is clearly apparent.

There is a soft sigh through his nose and finally he answers her question, "Just worried about Delia." He's honest about it at least. "It's not anything you can help with, but I figured I'd come check on you just the same." Ben glances in again, lips pursed together in thought.

"I'm sorry," Lynette says on a bit of a sigh, her hand running through her hair before she looks back to him. "I really do mean to put things back together." She isn't so tipsy she can't read that concern.

"Well, would you like to come in?" She does step back from the door, giving him room to enter. "Or… out to the roof, if you'd like… What's the matter with Delia?" She does like the girl, after all. She's even backed away from her dreams lately!

"Time traveling." Ryans answers the question simply, stepping into the apartment, almost sounding like he's dismissing it. Above her head, his hand reaches out to press on the door to force it shut, before he says anymore to her.

He moves further into the place and pauses, looking around him slowly, taking in all the new. Then he turns to face her. "This has got to stop, Lynette." This wasn't something he had planned to do yet. "November 8th is right around the corner and your a mess." Benjamin looks to the floor, hands resting on his hips.

"I can't let you keep doing this."

There is a finality to his words. It's something to focus on other then Delia being gone. "We need to get you off Refain before the 8th, or you're going to be no good to anyone." And Ryans is very worried for the people in the building.

"Time traveling? You're serious?" Of course, he just went into space, so perhaps it's not all that strange. "Your family has a penchant for —" Lynette pauses as he closes the door, her balance teetering for a moment until she can steady her footing. Oh, look, a wall to lean against.

Of course, as he goes on, being up against that wall makes her feel a bit like being in front of the firing squad. She is not drunk enough for this.

Pressing her lips together, she looks away from him there, a long pause following his words. "I'm fine on the eighth. I saw it. In my vision," that last is said with some bitterness. And she slides down the wall to sit on the floor instead. "I can't. I can't get off of this before then. I'm just… trying to make it through. After it's all over… we can do whatever we need to do with this. I'll be okay. I'll make sure I take some the night before and I won't drink that day and it'll all be fine." Oh, she has a plan. Isn't that cute.

He doesn't move as she slides down the wall, not at first. Ben just watches her with a silent neutral expression, that is cracked just a little with concern from her. "And you might be okay that day, because we got you off it." He points out, roughly.

Taking a few steps forward, Ryans crouches down in front of her, balanced on the balls of his feet. "These people need you in top form." He tries to speak gently, the words seem almost like a purr. "And I want to make sure you are, even if I have to stay here with you and watch over you." And guard her against those attempts to sneak it.

Spreading his arms out, Ryans looks around him, "This is not you."

Lynette presses the heel of her hands against her eyes, as if the motion could press out the logic. Damn logic. Her head shakes against it, too, because she just doesn't want that possibility to exist.

When he comes down to her level, she swallows hard and drops her hands to look over at him, eyes reddening with the effort of not crying. And alcohol, likely. "I… it isn't like I like it, Ben. I just… I just need it. I didn't want this for myself. And I know that probably makes me sound like every junkie out there, but I didn't. But it fell in my lap and I'm… I'm handling it as best as I can."

Those hands comes back up to her face, because really, this isn't her. And probably because she doesn't want him to see her crying.

Oh no… crying. His jaw clenches as he watches her struggle. "You have been, but on your own isn't the way to do it, Lynette." Ryans drops to one knee, which brings him a little closer. Finger tips on the floor, keep him upright as he leans a little closer.

"If you hate it so much, beat it. Because right now from where I am sitting, it looks like the Institute won." It's harsh, but he's trying to knock some sense into her, without actually smacking it into her. "I am telling you, I have faith you can beat this addiction." Head ducking down, trying to see if he can catch her eye, he reaches out to touch the blonde hair on the top of her bent head.

"Show them you are stronger then they think." Ben's voice is soft, even if it rumbles still.

The problem is, of course, that Lynette has always preferred to handle things on her own. Which is why things have gotten this far in the first place. His harsh words get a sob from her, just a singular sound of sorrow before her hands move and she fixes him with a more angry expression. Anger has always been a good cover, after all. Just take a look at her apartment.

"That's unfair," she says, her voice seeming to drift between emotions. "I'm just… trying to make it from day to day without… falling apart after everything that's happened, is happening, will happen and I just… I can't deal with the withdrawal on top of it all. I can't. I went through it in there a few times, it…" Shaking her head, she looks away again, not able to look him in the eye there.

And then when he touches her hair, she closes her eyes and thunks her head back against the wall. "But what if I'm not?" It's asked quietly, her tone struggling to stay even.

"You are and as I said, I am willing to be right here for you." Ryans states firmly, convinced of this. "And it's perfectly fair." There is no flinching at her anger, he just looks her straight in the eye. "What I am hearing is excuses, because you are scared." Studying her, he sighs softly, "It's okay to be scared, just don't let it rule your life."

His other knee lowers to the ground and he reaches out to wrap fingers around her upper arms, not pressing too hard, merely holding her there at arms length. "Forced or not, you've done it before, you know what will happen. So there are no surprises, besides, it's one last time. You're not in their custody, you are away from them and for the moment safe."

Looking back when he takes her arms, Lynette furrows her brow to distract from the tear tracks there on her face. It's embarrassing, frankly, to be wibbling like a little girl. "I… you'd see me all…" She pulls a sort of yucky face there. "…messed up. I mean, it isn't pretty."

But, after she lets out a shaky sigh, her expression seems to wilt as she looks his way. "I am scared, Ben. I'm so scared of so many things and I've been using this as a shield and I feel like… if I drop it, then what do I do?" It is, perhaps, the most open she's been with anyone in a long time, that little bit of honesty.

A smile creases the corner of his mouth, "Lynette…" He doesn't continue right away, both his hands move to take hers. "… you can't go through life running from what scares you." He watches her closely, judging her reaction to his words. "Sometimes what scares you can only make you stronger." His fingers tighten around her hands gently.

"As cheesy as that may sound, it is very true," he feels the need to point out to her. "Also… seeing you all… messy is not new to me. You forget I was married and have two daughters." His brows tick up a little in a matter of fact look.

Her fingers wrap around his in return, and she even lets out a soft chuckle. "I can't believe you just said that," she comments in dry amusement. But her hands tighten around his despite the cheese. Maybe because of it. "I know. And I know you've seen a lot of things. But Lynette Rowan in full scale withdrawal has not been one of them," she says, that smile turning crooked.

But, the expression only lasts a moment before she sobers. Or, well, her features do, at least. "This is going to be one of those things I don't get to weasel out of, isn't it? You've got one of those determined looks on your face."

"I can not force you to do anything," he points out gently, knowing it is a fact. "I havent earned the right, however…" A finger is lifted to signal her to wait. "However, I will more then likely bug you about it… relentlessly." Ryans gives her a small smile there, "So… in a way… no it won't be easy for you.

"I should point out, my girls always feared when I would get that determined look." Of course, she'd have to check with his girls to find out of that is true or not, but then they seem as determined as he is… or at least Delia. "What do you honestly have to lose, by trying?"

"It must be a Ryans family trait," Lynette murmurs wryly. But his last words get a moment or two of silence. Her gaze darts around the room a bit, like a school kid hoping the test answers will magically appear. but in the end, she lets out a sigh and looks back to him. "I was going to say 'my dignity', but…" Given the state of the apartment and all. Not to mention herself.

"This is going to be a weight I carry my whole life, Ben. Even if I get off it. The next time someone mentions it, or has it…" She presses her lips together there, looking down again. "I used to love Electric Martinis, you know. A little orange flavor, for fun. But you know, Blue Curacao makes it the same color as those Refrain vials. I mean, it's going to be on me forever."

"Just like any other addict in the world." Benjamin comments, with a rueful smile. "I am sure there are others out there that went through the very same thing, that can help you figure out how to deal with it." Yes, he has a lot of faith in her ability to beat it.

"So… Lynette…" A smile touches Ben's lips. "Again, what do you have to lose?"

"Oh, sure. Bring logic into this." Lynette eyes him a little at that smile, but she's not mad now. Really she just seems… sort of tired. Worn out. "I don't know," she answers eventually. "I don't… really know how to ask for help. But I suppose… that this would be a situation when someone would need to do something like that." Not to mention admitting she can't handle it alone.

"I'm an old man, I am nothing if not full of logic at times," Ryans quips back, trying to brush that sad smile. Her hands are squeezed one last time, before he moves to get to his feet, letting his hands slide form her's. "I've told you what I am willing to do, but it is up to you to tell me you want it. I can only offer it.

"I want you to seriously consider taking it and not brush of what I said." Ben expression saddens for a moment, but then the neutral expression returns. "I hope you will."

Watching him get up, Lynette lets out a heavy sigh, but sits there in silence for a few long moments. Her head rests back against the wall, her arms wrap around her knees and she just sort of stares at the middle distance. It's hard to tell if she's giving the topic serious thought or if this is just her shutting down, but after those long moments… she pulls herself up to her feet and walks over to her dining room. The chest of drawers against the wall is really meant to hold china and crystal and silverware, but inside a locked door, there's a black hat box the woman pulls out.

When she sets it down on top of the chest, she flips the lid off. It is, of course, the secret stash. A few weeks worth of her drug of choice, which is a depressingly large amount, actually. There's also odd little bits and bobs, memories embodied in letters or rings or pictures or a bit of ribbon and other such knickknacks.

"I suppose you'd better do something with this," is what she ends up saing.

He had planned to leave her to her thoughts, but her actions make him decide to stay put. The box gets Ryans interest and he moves to look over her shoulder. Something hidden within him relaxes, a hand moves to rest on her shoulder, his words are a comforting rumble by her ear. "This is the right thing, Lynette."

Ben doesn't move to grab the stash right away. "Once you start this… once you let me help you, there is no going back. I won't let you." His fingers tighten on her shoulder, but not in a painful way. "But I will also be there for you."

Lynette's arms fold, and by her expression, she's not happy. Grumpy, even. But. She's not making any moves to take the box back, either.

"I don't want to be this person," she notes to his warning, "Or the person I would be a year from now. I can't promise I'll be perfect, but I'll do my best. And when I decide to give up, just… don't mind the yelling when you try to stop me." She adds that with a hint of a crooked smile, and her hand comes to cover his on her shoulder.

There is a gentle smile, even if she can't see it. "Good." The word is said softly, before a kiss is pressed to the blonde haired head of hers. Only then she he reach past her to take the box. "I'll take care of these and be back shortly. Then we'll take the first step and straighten up your apartment."

She can feel his hand slide down her back to rest at the small of it. "I have complete confidence you can do this."

It takes just a moment, but she steps over closer to him, leaning against him after that kiss. "We'll see, I suppose." Her confidence is, perhaps, a bit lower.

When he reaches for the box, though, that's when she tenses up again, and her hands sort of cling to him. It's possible that she doesn't want him to leave… and possible she doesn't want the drugs to leave. Or a mix of the two. "Alright…" She says that… but doesn't let him go just yet, either.

It's a touch awkward, but Ryans wraps at least one arm around her to hold her close, but only briefly before he steps back. "I'll be back." He promises, hand brushing her cheek, giving her a crooked smile. Taking a step back, he gives her a confident look and a nods of his head before he turns to go.

She has a long road ahead of her, but she took the hardest step.

Not to let it rule her life.

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