Channel Surfing December 2010

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Department of Homeland Security Defense Analyst and inheritor of the FRONTLINE legacy Sarisa Kershner was in Congress today outlining the second phase of the FRONTLINE Act as originally penned by the late General Sebastian Autumn. Kershner's three year plan projects the founding one one new FRONTLINE unit each year spanning from 2011 to 2013, supplementing the five current FRONTLINE units currently in place in the United States.

A receptive congressional hearing heard Kershner's plan, beginning with the outline of FRONTLINE Unit-06 to be based in Chicago, Illinois in March 2011. The following year, FRONTLINE Unit-07 would begin operation in Austin, Texas followed up by the in-statement of FRONTLINE Unit-08 in Detroit, Michigan sometime in 2013.

The reason for the delayed appointment of these units is the staggering dearth of eligible Evolved to join the paramilitary organization. Currently, eligibility to join FRONTLINE requires prior military experience in any branch of the US Armed Forces. Kershner's plan contained an amendment to the FRONTLINE Act that would remove the military training stipulation in light of a training program for non-military servicemen in the organization, potentially opening up FRONTLINE applications to a wider range of individuals, provided that they agree to submit to what would amount to a "boot camp" for FRONTLINE operatives.

Secretary of Defense Gerard Rutland applauded the proposed amendment to the FRONTLINE Act and has put his weight behind supporting Kershner's push for change and a further expansion of FRONTLINE's already astronomical budget.

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON — Shocking news from the west coast today as reports come spilling in about an explosion at the Space Needle restaurant. This iconic Seattle landmark was set ablaze just after 4:00pm Eastern time when a fireball erupted out of the coastal-facing side of the revolving restaurant. A second explosion came soon after, showering debris down onto the street below. Seattle police and the Department of Homeland Security responded to the incident but were unable to ascend to the damaged restaurant due to structural damage caused by the secondary explosion.

Just fifteen minutes later, survivors of the blast were seen hanging out of the now stalled revolving building, waving table dressings in an attempt to get the attention of rescue crews. Stranded hundreds of feet above the ground and with black smoke billowing out of the damaged side of the restaurant, Seattle police and rescue were faced with the difficult prospect of how to begin rescuing those trapped within.

Close to 5:00pm an unknown individual was seen flying to and from the restaurant, ferrying the injured survivors from the interior of the Space Needle. Captured only briefly on film, eye-witnesses claim that this woman — clearly an SLC-Expressive human — urgently assisted in the liberation of the trapped restaurant patrons to a nearby rooftop where emergency personnel could get to them and provide medical assistance.

This unexpected aid could not have come a moment sooner, for just shortly after 5:30pm local time a large section of the damaged space needle broke away and collapsed to the street below, leaving a gaping chunk missing out of the side of the structure. Within moments of this collapse, authorities confirmed that they had received a message claiming responsibility for the attack from the violent anti-evolved terrorist group Humanis First.

The reasons for the attack have not been given to the public at this time, and the Seattle Fire Department is currently on scene attempting to put out the fires still burning inside of the space needle at this hour, though they are expected to burn well into the night.

LINCOLN, NEBRASKA — James Turmud, a corn farmer in Lincoln, was shocked awake this morning by the sound of what he thought was an earthquake. James, and his family of four, were stunned to find much of their corn crop field decimated just after 8:00pm by what appeared to be a large portion of a concrete building that fell from the sky over their farm.

This inexplicable event was captured on film by amateur bird-watcher Royston Donahue and video of the appearance has made a firestorm on media sharing sites. The video shows a clear morning sky with a flock of Canadian geese passing overhead, followed by the flock suddenly panicking and dispersing mere moments before several hundred tons of concrete, glass and steel appears out of thin air in the sky. The building remnants hang in the air, as if in suspended animation for a moment accompanied by a strange purple hue in the sky and a humming noise and distortion in the video, before plummeting to the earth several miles from Donahue's location.

The Department of Homeland Security promptly responded to the incident, spurred on by sightings of the concrete mass reported by the TSA on local radar. The site where the structure appeared was soon cordoned off to locals and the owners of the farm were detained for questioning before being released. A press-release from the Department of Homeland Security has stated that the event is "under control" and that the identity of the structure portion is known but that they cannot release any further information at present.

Speculation running rampant since the event is citing the possibility that this structural portion could indeed belong to the infamous Moab Federal Penitentiary, which allegedly disappeared from the deserts of Moab, Utah in April of 2009 according to the report leaked to the press by former Department of Evolved Affairs agent Vincent Lazzaro.

Confirmation of the structure's identity has yet to be made.

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