Teodoro "Teo" Laudani

Registry of the Evolved Database

File #12 Oct 2008 05:47

Name Teodoro Mario Laudani Aliases Teo
Einliter, etc.
Status Unregistered Evolved Ability Astral Projection
Gender Male Race/Eth. White
Birthdate November 15 Age 27
Height 6' Build Athletic
Eyes Blue Hair Blonde
Residence West Village, 57 West 11th Street, The Old Dispensary on Staten Island
Employment Ferrymen Operative, Vanguard Employee, and Phoenix Operative
Parents Paolo Laudani
Amadora Laudani
Siblings Romero Laudani
Marital Status Unmarried Children N/A
First Seen Big Rumble In Little Harlem Last Seen
Profile Once, Teo had been a non-Evolved, pro-Evolved activist crucial to averting a viral apocalypse, marched the gates of Moab Federal Pen for love, justice, freedom, and all the right reasons, before an older, sociopathic version of himself came back in time to hijack his body and reputation for a murderous rampage. A psychic accident merged the two. Now Teo's friends politely ignore the perennial question— would you kill baby Hitler, given the chance? — while Teo pretends you can do take-backs. Like puberty all over again.
Teodoro "Teo" Laudani
portrayed by

Chris Evans


"Aime-moi moins, mais aime-moi longtemps."
"Love me less, but love me a long time."

Christophe Honoré,
Les Chansons D'amour


Also see: Ghost's skills.



Though this is largely accurate, it was meant as a gag and can not be entirely relied upon for temporally up-to-date information, occasionally bearing various references to history and events that have since been wiped away by a memory manipulator.

According to Logan's Player, who's been pushing this joke, a '0' indicates 'I would never sleep with this person,' and '100' an instantaneous, unhesitating guarantee. See Logan's for hilarious comparison.

It has since been improved upon. Click for the original image.


Earlier Log Archive.

Updates coming… eventually.

Memorable Quotes

  • "I'm Jesus!" Or some idiotic Sicilian-Italian derivative thereof, from Character History.
  • "Okay. You know what? That's a fucking plan. You stay. I'll stay with you. We'll sit here, these two stronzo will wake up, and we'll get shot together. You'll get kidnapped, or cut on, or run over with a fucking van, or all three, and I'll just work on bleeding real fast. Why does that sound like a good idea? You should know better. Even that fucking pigeon knows better! Even those fat Negro mothers know better. Everyone knows better. How did you fucking graduate middle school?!" — Teo yells at a little kid for refusing to run away from mobsters, from Big Rumble In Little Harlem.
  • "You know, asking a Sicilian boy about his pretty sisters is a good way to wake up with a ticker that ain't your alarm clock." — Helena reviews Cultural Facts in Unlikely Housemates.
  • "Violence happens. It happens to us more than it happens to most people. You're allowed to feel bad, but you're not allowed to fucking forget: you can take a hit, and you can just as fucking well throw one when some asshole needs to be reminded where the bear shits. Think of someone you hate. Where's the bear shit?" — Giving Brian SAGELY DEVICE on the ancient art of combat, and existential quandary. From Where The Bear Shits.
  • "I know you're not going to rape her. You're just some nice Italian kid with a pet budgie and a gun stuffed down the back of your diaper." — Deckard is a jerk in Skinned.
  • Helena looks speculative. "Teo… Teo kind of has this vibe. Like, it doesn't matter who he's with, people just sort of assume there's something sexual going on with him and whoever, even if it's not. Abby's not the first person to be mistaken for his girlfriend. People have even mistaken him for having boyfriends. So truth be told, maybe it's going in that direction, but it's just as likely that it isn't. It's just Teo."
"Dude is fuckin' sketchy then, okay so am I right?" Elvis sniffs. — on Teo's creepy European vibe thing, from It's A Wonderful Life.





teo_icon.gif teo2_icon.gif teo3_icon.gif s_teo_icon.gif

Trivia and Notes

  • Original introduction poem:

Once in a saintly passion
I cried with desperate grief,
"O Lord, my heart is black with guile,
Of sinners I am chief."
Then stooped my guardian angel
And whispered from behind,
"Vanity, my little man,
You're nothing of the kind."

James B.V. Thomson,
Once in a saintly passion

  • Second introductory text:

I sailed the wild, wild sea
climbed up a tall, tall mountain
I met an old, old man beneath a weeping willow tree.
He said, "Now if you got some questions,
go and lay them at my feet
but my time here is brief
so you'll have to pick just three."

And I said, "What do you do
with the pieces of a broken heart?
And how can a man like me remain in the light?
And if life is really as short as they say,
then why is the night so long?"

The boy's appearing on the deck and making it lurch,
And the bubble of your interests ready to burst

He whistles and he runs.

We saw you in distraction: a sleeping, slow despair,
Rehearsing interaction, he wasn't even there.
A creature is a creature, though you wish you were the wind,
The boat will not stop moving
If you tie him up until the end

He whistles and he runs, so hold him fast.
Breathe the burn, you want to let it last.
He might succumb to what you haven't seen,
He has a keen eye for what you used to be

Teodoro has an incarnation in 2019 for the Sound of Thunder plot. Please see Teodoro Laudani for more information.

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