Do I Have to Spell it Out?


amadeus_icon.gif keira_icon.gif

Scene Title Do I Have to Spell it Out?
Synopsis Keira finally put her foot down with Amadeus after six years, and is surprised to get exactly what she was hoping for, for once in her life.
Date October 1, 2010

Amadeus' Van

Three days ago, while Amadeus was off doing whatever it is he does when he leaves his van, Keira found it. Normally, she would have sat calmly, waiting patiently within (while smoking all of his pot) for him to return, so she could either kick his ass, or just talk to him. But that's normal circumstances. Keira hasn't heard from Amadeus for over two weeks now, and she's been getting more and more pissed off with every day that's passed.

So this time, she promptly got in and hotwired his van, and made off with it, without a single word. The only clue she left behind was a note taped to the parking meter Amadeus' van had been parked next to, with one word scrawled in Keira's handwriting:


Today, after an eventful meeting with the man she believes to be her father which ended in her screaming at him and throwing a box of cigarettes at his head before storming off, she has parked the van outside of Gun Hill. She doesn't even know if Delia and Ryans are still there, but surely they would go past the place to see if there would be any updates. She hasn't actually seen any furniture being moved out.

Her goal? To freak out Delia, piss Ryans off, and to get back at Amadeus for not speaking to her.

Currently, she lays out on the bed in the back of the van, where she can't be seen from the windows. She's got a blunt rolled out of Amadeus' stuff that she took (none of it is left now, taken to be sold and the like), a book held up as she enjoys her little passive aggressive revenge on those who are making her life miserable at the moment.

He was just walking by to see if the place was condemned yet, and possibly figure out Sable's new address, but it seems he's too late. When he sees his van, he frowns, reaching into his pocket for the key. He's of course wearing his black AC/DC shirt, blue jeans, and black Chucks, with his black Yankees bat bag on his back. He opens the back of the van, staring at her laying in bed. Willpower, Amadeus, willpower… "I want my van back, I just want to be friends, and we can't have sex anymore."

Keira peeks up from her book, fixing an irritated glower at Amadeus as he opens the door. She puffs at that blunt, the thick smoke of the ganja billowing out of the van. Her expression only becomes darker as he says such things. From the look on her face…Amadeus couldn't have picked a worse day to spring this part on her. She stares for a long moment with a look of pure fury on her face.

Then, her foot is sent flying straight toward his solar plexus, attempting to knock him off of his feet. "FUCK YOU!" That's her thunderous bellow as she sends that nasty kick at him. It's already been a bad day after that meeting with her father. Now her man is breaking it off with her?

She'd look a little more dangerous if she didn't have tears streaming down her cheeks already. She looks like she was crying before Amadeus opened the van, dressed in Amadeus' boxers and one of his shirts, and her makeup has long-since smeared.

Amadeus goes stumbling back, then falls right on his face, holding his stomach as he groans in pain for a few moments. "Fuck, it ain't like that. I got a therapist, and she gave me shit to think about. If I keep fuckin' you and sayin' I don't love you when you love me, then I'm just, like… objectifyin' you and killin' your self-steam. I'm sayin' I don't wanna fuck you anymore 'cause I like you too fucking much to treat you like shit anymore."

Keira is looming over him at the back enterance to the van, her hands on the doors as she glares down at him with tear-streaked eyes. "I just saw my dad and he was a fuckin' asshole again and didn't even give a shit about anything but a fuckin' paternity test, and then you come and try to fuckin' break up with me after not talkin' to me for two fuckin' weeks! FUCK you, Amadeus! You're not gettin' your fuckin' van back, you asshole!" She practically sobs this out at him, before slamming the doors shut.

It's not like he can't open them again, he does have the keys…but it does make her feel better to slam doors in his face.

Amadeus slowly makes his way back up, stretching while walking back to the door so he can open it again. "I didn't mean to dump this shit on you when you're havin' a hard time." He doesn't even have the nerve to ask when he said they were actually together. "I'm sorry about your father, but I'm tryin' to fuckin' say I don't wanna treat you like a fuckin' whore anymore. What part of that makes you wanna kick my ass?"

As he opens the door, the crying Keira is climbing into the front seat, curling up in the passenger seat and puffing on her blunt. "You just wanna be fuckin' friends? You know I can't fuckin' do that! Oh, ha ha, yeah, I can just pretend I don't fuckin' love you any more and pretend like it's all fuckin' cool." She wipes at the mascara stains on her cheeks, which does nothing to get them off of her skin.

Then, she turns a teary glare back to Amadeus from the front seat. "It's either you're fuckin' with me, or fuckin' nothing at all! Got it? None of this friends bullshit! I ain't gonna fuckin' pretend that it won't hurt when I'm your friend and you're out tryin' to fuck every bitch under the sun!"

Amadeus closes the door behind him, then walks up to the driver's side and reaches over to wipe her face on the back of his hand. "So you're sayin' you liked how it was? How I treated you like fuckin' crap?"

"I'd rather fuckin' pretend that you love me back than pretend to smile when you fuckin' go after other bitches." Keira pulls away from his hand, shaking her head. "I'm sayin' you either try to fuckin' date me instead of some other bitch that doesn't even fuckin' care about you, or I'm gone. The only thing I'll be around for is to collect my fuckin' money, and that's it. I'm not gonna just sit here and fuckin' watch my own fuckin' heart break slowly!"

"Fine, fuck 'er, I just don't want you to fuckin' cry anymore." Amadeus reaches over with both hands now, trying to pull her over into his lap. "Come on, babe, fuckin' calm down. I was just doin' what I thought you'd want. If you want shit to be the same, then it'll be the same."

Keira shoves back against Amadeus, not letting him pull her into his lap. In fact, she's pushing closer to the door. "No, 'cause see, it's not fuckin' the same any more! Now I know you don't wanna do that…" She shakes her head, tears flowing fresh down her cheeks. "You know what, just fuck it. Nobody fuckin' loves me, nobody ever fuckin' will!" She hurriedly gathers up her purse, and shoves the door open, moving to escape the van.

"Fuckin' wait!" Amadeus tries to grab her wrist and stop her, attempting to keep her from exiting. "Fuck, do I have to fuckin' spell it out to you?" He doesn't seem to be able to say whatever it is he doesn't want to spell it. "I mean do I really have to fuckin' spell out why I wanna treat you a little better? You fuckin'… matter."

He just barely manages to get a hold of her wrist, and she pauses, staring out the door with tearful eyes while he explains. She does everything she can to avoid looking at him right now, quietly crying and rubbing at the tears on her cheeks. It only serves to streak her makeup even further. "Tell me. If you wan't me to stay, tell me how much I fuckin' matter to you. I'm not gonna sit here any more and watch you go after bitches who want nothin' to do with you, when you know you fuckin' have me."

She wipes at her eyes. "It's fuckin' now or never, Amadeus. I'm tired of being fuckin' walked all over. I'm tired of feelin' like the only place I can fuckin' go to feel like I fuckin' belong is with my fuckin' homies!"

Amadeus stands up so he can walk over to her and look directly into her eyes, moving a hand to her cheek so he can keep her gaze on him. "You mattered enough for me to spend two fuckin' weeks not chasin' any damned chicks anywhere, 'cause I was tryin' to figure out what to do with you. Look, fuck this, wait right there." He opens the door, then walks around to the front of his van and climbs up on the hood. Finally he looks up and yells with his hand around his mouth like a makeshift megaphone. "Fuck you Delia!"

She finally lets him close enough to touch her, though she's still not looking at him, not completely. She watches him in silence, not saying a word, even as he climbs onto the hood of the van and shouts that out. Instead, still puffing at her blunt, she moves back onto the bed, sitting cross-legged and staring down at the blanket, her fingers idly fidgeting with it.

Blue eyes remain on Amadeus. She's still crying, and she waits until he returns from that proclamation to speak. "That's not what I mean. Do I matter enough that you want to fuckin' be with me? Because if you don't want to fuckin' be with me, then I'm out of here. I wanna be more than your best fuckin' friend. If that's not what you want, then we shouldn't waste our time."

Amadeus closes the door and walks back on to the bed with her, removing his shoes before actually getting on to the mattress, then just crosses his legs next to her. "You mean, like, be with you and not fuck other chicks, or be with you and still kinda do whatever I want?" he asks very carefully, trying to follow Bella's advice.

Keira closes her eyes, wringing the blanket of the bed. "I don't give a shit about the fuckin'. I want you to give me a chance, like you gave Delia. I want to fuckin' date you." She suddenly shudders from another soft sob, her face falling as she falls back into the tears. "Why doesn't anyone fuckin' want me like that? I would fuckin' do anything for you, but you still won't—" She cuts herself off, shaking her head as she turns to stare down at the blanket.

"Fuck, why do I gotta say stuff? Like, why do I gotta tell you my feelings and shit?" Amadeus starts sliding his arms around her waist again, or at least trying to, so he can lean his head against her shoulder. "I've always wanted you more than any other chick, but I never wanted to like, fuckin' define it. I'd kick any chick off a bridge before I let you go."

"Because I need to fuckin' hear it, Amadeus." She doesn't look at him, stiff as he wraps his arms around her waist. "Define it. That's what I fuckin' need right now." She closes her eyes, relaxing ever-so-slightly at his words. Come on, say it…now or never. "Please…" She shudders against him, raising a hand to wipe at her cheeks.

Amadeus takes a breath, silent as he just tries holding her tighter. Maybe that'll work. "I can't fuckin' do monogaming." he whispers after that long bout of silence, followed by… more silence, and then, "I uh… you." he basically mumbles.

Keira frowns. "What is this, Amadeus?" She pushes away from him, shaking her head. "What do you and I have? You always fuckin' tell me you don't love me, you don't love me, I'm just your best friend, you don't fuckin' do monogamy. What, Amadeus? Do you fuckin' love me? Do you want to keep me around?" She shakes her head again, wiping at her eyes.

"I can't play this guessing game shit any more. I can't. It's either you love me too, and you want to be with me, or I'm gone. It hurts every fuckin' time you tell me you won't want me like you wanted fuckin' Delia. I'm sick of not being wanted. So if you don't want me, then just tell me, so I can go find someone who does." She lifts her hands, rubbing them over her eyes.

"I…" Amadeus slumps over, staring at the bed. It doesn't seem like he's planning on saying anything now, he just stays like that, not talking. A hand moves over to touch her's, but otherwise, he does nothing at all.

Keira's face hardens, and she pulls her hand away from Amadeus's, shaking her head slowly. It's in silence that she stands, changing from the clothes she borrowed from Amadeus and into the dress she wore earlier to see the man she believes is her father, and slipping her shoes on. "I'll take that as a no." Her voice cracks as she says this, but she's keeping her composure to the best of her ability.

"I love you." is all he says before laying on his back, staring at the ceiling in silence. Amadeus slips his hands behind his head, letting out a slight sigh. Saying that was harder than it looked.

The woman pauses just as she's about to open the door and leave, her eyes widening as she stares at the door. She's silent too, as those words sink in. The ones she's wanted to hear for so long. Then, she slowly turns, peeking over her shoulder at him with surprised eyes. "R— really?"

"Yeah I do, I'm just afraid of what sayin' it means." Amadeus doesn't look at her, he's withdrawing a bit, it's the only way to even squeeze out half of what he's saying. "Come 'ere."

Keira's purse drops to the ground of the van, and she crawls up onto the bed, promptly laying her head on his chest and wrapping her arms around him, her eyes closing. There's still tears, but she seems…happy. Serene. There's a tiny smile on her face as she responds. "…I love you, too."

Amadeus slides one hand around to rest on her back, then just closes his eyes, likely going to drift off into a stress-induced nap.

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