Do Over


gillian3_icon.gif magnes2_icon.gif

Scene Title Do Over
Synopsis Even when everything seems to have gone wrong, Gillian thinks Magnes is getting a second chance.
Date January 5, 2010

USS George Washington

USS George Washington is the sixth ship in the Nimitz class of nuclear-powered supercarriers, and the fourth United States Navy ship to be named after George Washington, first President of the United States. She was built by Newport News Shipbuilding and was commissioned July 4, 1992. George Washington is 1,092 feet long, 257 feet wide and is as high as a twenty-four-story building, at 244 feet. The super carrier can accommodate approximately 80 aircraft and has a flight deck 4.5 acres in size, using four elevators that are 3,880 feet each to move planes between the flight deck and the hangar bay.

Traditionally, US Navy aircraft carrier hangar bays were painted "Navy Gray"; George Washington was commissioned with her hangar bay bulkheads and overhead painted white, to make the hangar bay appear larger and brighter. All US Navy aircraft carriers have their hull number painted on both sides of their island structure for identification. These numbers are lighted white for visibility at night while in port. By order of Congress, George Washington's island number is outlined in red, white and blue lights in honor of her namesake's contributions to America's independence. General Washington had long been a proponent of a strong Navy. On November 15, 1781 he wrote,// Without a decisive Naval force, we can do nothing decisive. And with it, everything honourable and decisive. These words are engraved on a plaque on the ship's quarterdeck.

After spending a good portion of the morning talking to soldiers about their training, mostly trying to get his mind off Claire, Magnes finally decides to stop by Gillian's room. He's in a white NAVY t-shirt, some blue jeans, and a pair of white sneakers with a white double-trap medical eye patch over his left eye. He knocks a few times, then announces, "It's Magnes." in his heavily defeated tone.

There's been little to no leaving the room since Gillian retreated there last night. Luckily the boat has a lot of moving to do before they get wherever they need to be going, so she's had time to just be. It doesn't make it any easier, though. Curled up on her bunk, she doesn't want to move. It's been her alone time, no matter what anyone tried to do to get her out. Maybe she should go home. It's not like she ever belonged here in the first place. But if she goes home, she may not get freedom as promised. And there's one person knocking on the door.

And it's not someone she can immediately snap at to go away. Even if part of her wants to.

It takes a few moments, almost long enough that he could think she's not there, or asleep, but then the heavy door starts to move and open. She looks ragged. Somehow worse even than she did in Argentina. The main difference would be she's cleaner. "Hey."

"Hey." Magnes smiles, though his visible eye is slightly puffy and red. Looking past her, then back to her, he asks, "Can I come in?" He may not be ragged exactly, but he's certainly been crying, and lacking sleep. "I need someone to talk to, who's not just gonna say 'Shut up and get over it'."

"You know, I'm not really the best person to go to for that. Right now I don't even know if there's anything in the fucking world worth saving," Gillian says softly, voice tired more than bitter, despite the words themselves seeming to be that way. She moves away from the door, to collapse back on her unmade bunk. They're both ragged. They've both been crying. But she'd have to say it to a mirror if she told him to just get over it. "Tell me what happened."

Magnes closes and locks the door behind him, then heads over to her bunk to take a seat, hunching forward slightly. "Claire was shot in the head, and like, they had to hold her brains in, or something, while she healed. She lost a lot of her memories, she lost a good four or five months, and they're saying it's likely she won't get them back. She can't remember me, at all, and she probably never will." He raises a hand to wipe his eye again, shaking his head. "I can't take this anymore, Gillian. I'll save the world, for everyone else, but I can't take this anymore. It's loss after loss, no matter what I do. My parents are god knows where since Peter blew up, can't be alive, I've been on TV so many freakin' times, they know where I am. I made lots of close friends when I was in the Company, but now all I remember are conversations, I can't remember faces, names, vaguely genders. Had to watch Abby try to talk without a tongue, 'cause of that Logan bastard, then spend forever unable to even touch anyone, freaking out. Isabelle's murdered, and no one's told me why. She was one of my best friends, and now she's just gone… All I've done is lost this year, who cares about some new stupid power, who cares about being a good soldier, I just want to be happy, I want everyone around me to be happy!"

Shot in the head. Can't remember him. Sadly, Gillian knows what that's like. But she didn't give up on Tavisha, even when he didn't remember her. In a way, that created the biggest problem of all. "You're not the only one who's had bad shit happen to them. There's nothing I can really do about that, Magnes. I can't even say it'll get better. Cause chances are it won't." Where she lays on the bed, she rubs at her face. "But she's alive. And if she was crazy enough to fall in love with you once, what's to stop it from happening again? Just be you. Think of it as a second chance." At least he has a second chance.

"It'll never be the same, she'll get the opinion that everyone else has of me. Before she didn't really have a chance to, but now, it's like, God is giving me a big 'fuck you, you didn't deserve her'." Magnes looks back over at her, with a pained look in his eyes. "She told me not to give up, but, a part of me just knows, this is it, it's over. It was a complete fluke that I got her in the first place, I'm not some sort of… guy who gets girls. And I just can't take losing people, all the time, it's too much. I just wanna get this mission over with, then leave. I don't wanna see anyone anymore, I don't wanna be there just to watch my friends get hurt and killed. I'll move to Canada or something. I mean, it's not like Claire's gonna miss me."

"And maybe running away just means you don't really think she's worth trying to win back," Gillian says, getting up enough to smack him against the arm. "Running away doesn't fucking fix anything. And who the fuck are you to decide what's best for her? You make it sound like you're doing what's best for us, but in the end you still are fucking leaving." From the way she smacks him again, she's talking about herself, not him. The tears start up again, and she pulls back. "It's not supposed to be the same. But at least it's something. At least it's better than fucking leaving."

"She is worth winning back, but do you really think I wanna dump that on her? Make her feel obligated to like some guy she can't even remember, and probably wonders 'What did I see in that guy'?" Magnes' body tilts over, until his upper half is laying next to her, staring with his one eye. "I don't wanna leave everyone, Gillian, but it hurts, so fucking much. The idea that I'll probably get rejected by my own girlfriend, because she doesn't know why she liked me to begin with. The thought that she might only try because she feels obligated. I don't wanna be just another issue for her to deal with. Yeah, I do think this is what's best, letting her live her life and get better without worrying about me as emotional baggage. I wanna be her friend, if I stay, that's the most I'll do. I just… I can't bring myself to do anything else."

"So you basically make up her mind for her," Gillian says, falling back onto the small bunk and looking up at the ceiling. "Either she'll like you, or she won't, but you can't just— How do you know you're not what she needs to get through this? You're fucking obsessed with her. She gave you that stupid shirt! Even if she doesn't remember you, you— Fuck." She suddenly sits up and crawls off the bed, to get away from him. "Do whatever you want."

Magnes rolls over on his back to watch her as she crawls off, taking a deep breath. "I love her, Gillian, I just don't know what to do. I'm not doing it for her, alright? I'm just afraid. I'm afraid I might somehow make it worse, I'm afraid of her rejecting me, of possibly watching my own girlfriend fall for someone else. I don't… know how to deal with it, I've never had a real girlfriend before, I've never lost one, or even knew anyone who lost memories. What do I do, Gillian?"

"You've lost memories," Gillian says, keeping her distance as she moves further away. "Gabriel forgot everything and I still tried to get back what we had. Course that caused a different problem. I think I loved him more when he didn't remember anything." It's not something she's ever admited outloud, but he's probably the only person she could admit it to. "When he remembered me, it wasn't the same anymore. But I still tried to be with him." Even when, as he would say, it began to rot. She never thought it rotted, though. She never saw it that way. "You can't know what's going to happen. But I still think you're getting a second chance. But if you're want to piss it off, then yeah, give up on it."

"You're right, I did lose almost a month or two of memories, I only remember bits and pieces, like someone redacted my brain. And… Claire was there for me." Magnes slides off the bed, then starts to head for the door. "Maybe I just need to talk to her, not about memories and stuff, but, maybe we just need to talk, about anything, she can just get to know me again." But when his hand touches the knob, he stops, looking back at her. "Why don't you come out? I mean, you're getting that pardon, you can start your life over, you can just give up on all this stuff. I know I'm not gonna be some hero after this mission, I might try to start a band, maybe with Cat, or that girl who plays guitar."

"And let her do some of the talking too," Gillian says, reaching back over and pushing against his shoulder as he walks to the door. "Right now she probably needs to vent her emotions and figure things out. If it doesn't work, then at least you know you tried and you didn't turn tail and run when things got tough. You're what— barely old enough to drink beer? You got plenty of time to get more girlfriends. It's not like this is the middle ages when you only got maybe thirty years and if you don't got a mate by twenty you're an social leper." She wipes at her eyes. "I'll come back out when I feel like it. Which isn't yet."

"Yeah, I guess you're right, though I can't imagine there's a girl as amazing as Claire out there… no offense, I mean, I'm talking about personalities, not being hot." Magnes pauses, cheeks flushing red. "Not that you have a bad personality or anything! Crap…" Foot in mouth.

"Well thanks," Gillian says, voice a little rough, even though, for a change, she's smiling. But that doesn't mean she doesn't shove him in the shoulder again. "No wonder I can't hold on to a guy. It's my shitty personality." It would be funnier, if she didn't think it were true. "Even if she doesn't end up getting back together with you… do let her know how you felt. It's better than not knowing. And that it wasn't her fault. Circumstances just… didn't allow it. And you can't fix everything."

"I like your personality. I mean, if I wasn't dating Claire, I might be drooling all over you instead of my amnesiac girlfriend." It's hard to say if Magnes means it, or if he's just saying it for her benefit, but he smiles, shoves her back lightly, then unlocks the door. "It's weird, having to start over with a girl I've already seen naked. It's like restarting a video game from the beginning, before you get the badass weapons."

"Okay, word of advice…" Gillian raises her hands. "Stop saying you'd totally be with someone else if you weren't hung up on Claire. You're hung up on Claire. Also— leave out the seeing her naked part." Man. "Actually thinking of it as doing a game over from a last save point is a good idea. You already know what she likes. And that, somehow, includes you."

"You're right, I do know what she likes. And when you talk like that, I really get the impression that you have a thing for me." Magnes teases, not able to actually imagine that being true, then opens the door as he gets ready to head out. "Thanks for talking to me, Gillian. You know, you can come talk to me if you need it, too."

"Don't get full of yourself," Gillian says, before she moves away from the door and drops down on the bed. "Maybe I'll be ready to talk in a few days. But right now… I just— think I have to figure this out on my own. If you want to be my punching bag while I figure it out, you're welcome to come back."

"You can't resist a rugged mech pilot." Magnes laughs, nods at her offer, then slips out the door. "Get something to eat, too." He presumes she's probably not eating, then heads down the hall, to do god knows what.

"Only reason you can fly a mech is with my help," Gillian adds, getting up to stick her tongue out at him, childishly, before she closes the door again. No, she hasn't ate. No, it's not good for her. But at least she's almost smiling when she gets the door closed with a metal clink.

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