Have Not, Have


abby_icon.gif gillian_icon.gif

Scene Title Have Not, Have
Synopsis While the other two are off exploring the strip, Abby and Gillian bond by the pool in bikinis.
Date May 2, 2010

Mandalay Bay, Las Vegas

Melissa and Kendall are off to bond and Abigail along with Gillian made it over to the Mandalay Bay after much research about which hotel had the best beach. Mandalay won out of course and after a quick stop to buy bathing suits - at least for abby who chanced a bikini that would make some question her sanity - the two had laid down money for their own lounges guarantee'd on the beach and had made their way to the lazy river so they could sit in the modes of comfortable transportation while floating at a sedate pace.

The cast was off for now, waiting with their other stuff and her crutches for when they get out and off to return to their traditional method of tanning. For now though, they're side by side, staring up at blue sky and the woe of a frozen New York are ages away. "We talked" She offers to Gillian. "Robert, and I. He showed up and we talked. Questionable whether things will.. be as they were, not that we were too far into being a couple but…" But. "He says I haven't manifested yet. That i'd know it, when I manifested. That I couldn't not know when I manifest"

The relative privacy where they lounge side by side helps make things easier to talk about, at least in soft voices. Gillian's been relaxing during their trip, comfortably lounging about and gambling when necessary, but after the first few drinks, she remembered to stop. Abby doesn't even know what her new power is, and drinking makes it hard to keep her ability locked away— it wouldn't be good to have her knock out the power for the whole strip if she somehow manifested electricity…

So less on the drinking— which is probably for the best anyway. Freshly purchased sunglasses, black bikini that shows off her ragged tattoos and bullet wound, Gillian's paying little attention to what people think when they look at her. "We'll try to avoid finding out in public. Though if you haven't soon, maybe we should go into the wilds and find out."
"Or I can just ask him to tell me what he thinks it is" That's been on her mind since they parted ways not long after in the aquarium the day before. "I don't think it's healing. I think he would have told me if it was healing. So i'll have to stick with plan B to heal Richard" which was sweet talk Peter.

"I can't decide whether to tell Parkman that i'm evolved now, get his help to register before I know what it is. Instead of registering after the fact." In other words, before she knows whether it's a black holing offending ability. "I've been thinking that before we go, that we might all.. go get some tattoo's. I get mine to commemorate, remind me of times. Mel's ability is to take away pain, or cause it. She can make it painless" Except for when Mel gets a tattoo. "Not that mine are really tattoo's but…"

"That sucks. Cardinal really deserves to get his body back," Gillian says, keeping her voice down as she looks up at the sunlight shining down as the float along. The sunglasses keep her from having to squint, and the beginnings of a tan have already started. "Painless tattoos— not sure how I feel about that. Part of getting a tattoo is the pain," she holds up her hand, twisting it around so she can look at the marred yin/yang symbol on her wrist. It's been so long since she got another one, and she never managed to get the ones she has fixed—

"But hey, sure, why not. I usually think of my tattoos of records of things that happened to me. I just haven't been very good at keeping up. Now the biggest records are my scars."

"Only scar I have is the one that will be on my ankle when the stitches come out" The cut on her forehead from the ambulance has long since healed over and left no mark thanks to Peter's care. "Be nice to have one that commemorates, reminds one of something good" Abigail's sky blue bikini revealing just how down those angel wings go, and the line of Latin.

"I've had enough pain, I think I'd like to do without more of it. Though, where I want it, I think I'd really want Mel to be there, since I don't have a Xiulan in my pocket, just a teleporter" Abby looks down to said ankle, ace bandage covering and helping while the air cast has been abandoned.

"what do yours mean. All the different ones you have? Tattoo's that is"

"Yeah, you can use the painkiller, but if I get one, I'll probably just let it happen," Gillian says, keeping one hand up, casting a shadow across her body. The easiest one to explain is the one she's looking at. "They change meanings based on what happens around when I got them… this one, for example, I got it in October— October 10th." There are some things she remembers to the date, thanks to small connections.

"I'd just gotten the tattoo and I met Peter," her eyes slide to the white side of the tattoo, which is actually just her skin. Then she switches to look at the black side. "And I met Gabriel the same day too. In one of those weird coincidences. So this one— it represents them."

And it has a scar ripped through it, cutting it with blank flesh. Just like both her attempts at a relationship with them were ripped apart.

Oh, so that's the significance of that one. Gotten and then over time, it just made sense, representation changed. "And the others?" Abigail asks, looking over behind her own sunglasses. "They tell stories don't they? All of them? Or just got them because you liked them?"

"They all have little stories, though they sometimes don't mean what I thought they meant— originally the yin/yang thing was going to be about my ability," Gillian admits, letting the hand drop, to touch the marred clockface on her upper arm. "This one I intentionally got cause of Gabriel. I added the hands to point at a time when we— we were going to leave New York together. After we took care of something. This was before I knew that he'd… killed my sister. Or really much about him at all. But I asked him later and— he really would have left with me."

This isn't the most relaxing talk, but her voice is whispered and husky, though notably less rough than when in New York. The heat is theraputic to her voice! "I used to have a burning book on this calf," she adds quickly, lifting her leg to show— absolutely nothing. "I lost it, and the one on my ankle too, when Arthur blew my leg off. Regen didn't regen my tattoos. But it was about my job as a Librarian. And kind of my ability too— cause after I realized what I could do I was all 'well I hope a pyro never walks in.'"

"Poor library" Abigail murmurs in agreement if a pyro ever came into a library with Gillian when her ability was up and out.

"I ever tell you, about what you're ability, did to me? When you had it, then when Gabriel had it for that little bit?" There's a heat rising to her face that has nothing to do with the fever that's kept her warmer than the others and has everything to do with what's swimming around in her veins evolved wise.

"Closest that ever happened was me augmenting someone who made the floor not-solid. I guess he had some kind of walk through walls, thing," Gillian explains, as she lowers her arm. That was the worst incident in the library, at least. Putting her arm and leg back down, she relaxes a bit as she looks over, sunglasses lowering down her nose a bit so she can actually peek over the edge. "I don't think so. I assume that it made you heal faster."

"That.. was part of it. If it was turned outwards." Abigail leans towards the other woman, lips close to her ear as she divulges what happened. That evening in the theatre discussing the events to come of January 28th when Gillian's ability for the better of her. Healgasm being the gentle word for it.

The blonde leans back, hands coming to settle across her midriff and look at her. Waiting.

"Holy fuck," Gillian exclaims, perhaps not realizing the irony around her choice of words, considering where Abby had thought her power came from— and perhaps it still did, considering all the Good/Evil Kami talk that people have had about her old power and Kazimir's old one. "I'm surprised you didn't ask me to augment you all the time!" There's a pause. "Then again, maybe not so surprised. But— damn, so many would probably have done that." So many, but not her.

"Eileen knows, Teo too I think." Abigail huffs softly. "You were my first!" She offers by way of making a funny out of it. "Not something I told a lot of people. But, I thought you might, just now, get a kick out of it" Her own glasses pushed back down after glancing around, swiftly coming to the end of their meander and a cabana waiting for them. "You realize right, we're going to come down with really bad colds the moment we make it back home right?"

"Well at least I know I wasn't your only!" Gillian says with a laugh, taking it in stride, and seeming to enjoy the joke behind it. "I don't imagine there's a lot of people who get an orgasm from my ability— it'd probably be nice if more did." She knows she almost killed Elvis by augmenting her, due to adrenaline overdose… "Yeah, almost makes me not want to go back. But I think it's worth it." The sun, the water, the time to relax…

"Did you and Robert kiss and make up? I kinda want to meet with him to see if he'll tell me why I was invited to that Gala. Invited and given money for dress, even. I kept thinking someone would approach me there, or something, but no one did."

"I'm sure that if you called and left a message and asked to meet with him while we're here, that he'd talk with you Gillian. We did make up, kiss, no. I think he might be afraid to touch me. I don't know. He wore gloves the whole time, but in the end we hugged. I told him that I didn't want this to be it, the end of everything. It was one thing when Flint hit me. He did that out of anger, because he was upset with me. Robert did this" A gesture the ace bandaged wrapped foot. "Because he thought someone else was impersonating me and was trying to find out where" There's a glance back over to the dark haired woman. "THere is.. a difference right?"

"I think so," Gillian says softly, shelfing the talk about questioning Robert for the moment, to touch a scar that remains on her forehead. "Gabriel hurt me, cause he lost control of his ability when I augmented him— Peter… Peter actually tried to kill me too. We tried to kill each other a few times, actually." Gillian knows she shot him a couple times, as the bullets popped out. And she shot Gabriel, too, in the back, when he used her sister's ability in front of her. "I could forgive them hurting me, but I can't forgive them lying to me… Especially Peter."

There's a shrug, and she looks back over. "I don't know much about anyone named Flint, but— I hope things look up with Robert, if you want to stay with him."

"I want to try. I want… stability. He's not a white knight, not even a dingy knight. He's done less than desirable things but he's willing to be seen in public with me, doesn't fight with me and call me a child or stare at my hair when it's pink and make com- Well, no, he did, but he was pretty hurt at the time and Logan was with him and all he said was he liked blonde better"

There's a wrinkle of her nose. "Peter thinks I should. Try it, see if.. something more comes of it. My Dah would like him. Dah didn't like Flint" But then, Robert hasn't shown up at her doorstep piss drunk when her father is visiting. "We're supposed to have dinner later this week. You should leave a message, ask to meet with him Gillian. Find out why"

"Peter wouldn't give it a try with me," Gillian says quietly, the tension affecting her voice. "Took him what, a month to have a live in girlfriend? I guess he was lying when he said he loved me. Makes me wonder if I'm just incapable of being loved at all." That's the depressed side of herself talking, before she shakes her head and tries to focus on the conversation again, and not her side of it, which is only loosely tangented to Abby's. "Yeah, I'll try to talk to him about it."

"I just deal with business Peter. Paramedic Peter" Though she'd seen the angry side of him, the dark side of him in the basement with Sasha. She hadn't gotten any calls back with regard to whether he was taking care of her pets or not. It's their turn to disembark and with the help of the attendants, she's out, leaning on Gillian till her crutches are brought to bear. With Caliban's declaration that she hadn't manifested, she wasn't that afraid to lean on Gillian till the aluminum contraptions are beneath her arms again and they're heading off towards their Cabana. "What will you get? The tattoo? I was awake last night, thinking about it. A lotus flower, for me. Bottom of my foot where no one can see it"

"I think the Peter I fell in love with disappeared right after I fell in love with him," Gillian says quietly, thinking about that as they're settled in on the shore again, with the sunglasses firmly hiding her face like a mask, and the black bikini making her skin stand out. "I'll have to think about it. Maybe a fairy," she says, following beside to the cabana, but staying close in case Abby does need something besides her crutches to hold on to. "With purple wings. On my back," she glances over her shoulder, but isn't really able to see much— but her back is suspiciously more bare than the rest of her. Just a tramp stamp, slightly marred, and a tribal red sun on her shoulderblade. Also slightly marred.

"Why a fairy?" It's a bit of a walk, but they'll make it, weaving their way through people and careful of her foot till she can get back and get the brace back on it. "We'll get them, I think, before we'll leave. Kendall will want one, watch. Do we want to collect our stuff and try the casino, or just lay about in the sun for another hour and … soak up the sun?"

"How long do we get the Cabana? We should use it for as long as we got it," Gillian suggests, possibly not wanting the money to go to waste. "And the fairy— well, you know how I was adopted? One of the only things I know about my real parents is my mother could make illusions, and she used to make my storybooks come to life. She liked books on fairies… And— that Nightmare business a few months ago. When we had to find something to fight back with… my thing ended up being fairies. A bunch of tiny purple tinkerbells."

"Really? Fairies?" Abigail ceases moving, tilting her head to the side to regard the woman beside her who Abby tends to think of as tough and untouchable. "We have it for another hour. So we should probably stay. The free drinks are included" Non-alcoholic ones and the fruit. "We'll stay, soak up sun. Mine was Richard. Richard as a small shadow bird on my shoulder that got bigger and more… ferocious"

"I wasn't really very good at fighting the Nightmares," Gillian admits quietly, as they get into the Cabana, for the sun, the fruity drinks, and conversations. "Cardinal probably would have been a better choice, but I was in a bad place. I'd just thought Cardinal and Gabriel died— Peter told me he never loved me and to stay out of his life… Part of me wished I had died," she says, as she settles back into the chair, not as comfortable as the floating lounges, but comfortable enough. "And I'd also found out I'd likely never be able to have kids. That future that— that all those people came and went to— I was supposed to have a kid there."

"I was married to Flint. I could heal, I was a happy woman, a bit cynical" Abigail points out. "That future Gillian.. It's not gonna happen anymore, not for us, that's the future of someone else, that an event way back, created. We've diverged and the only future we have, is the one that we are traveling on." Abby eases down, careful to lift her foot and settle it down on top of a pile of towels that were used for the purpose earlier.

"Make your own future, not that of someone else who has your name, looks like you, and lifed a part of your life. Lord above knows, I am going to try and do that myself"

"I know," Gillian says, more than aware of that fact— not that other people know about their future and are suffering through the same loss that she might feel, but— that she has to move on. Focus on this future. "It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt— or that I feel like someone robbed me of something I might have deserved. I was going to be married to Peter," she explains, quietly. "I don't know if he even loved me, there. Or if I was happy— but I know I had a son. And I can't now." Her hand touches the bullet and surgery scar on her lower stomach. "But— I have the Lighthouse."

"Gillian" Abigail looks over at her. "You can't have biological son. There's always surrogacy, if you have those parts still working or.. or maybe there will come a point where a healer who can do, like I did, can be found" Someone who healed the body to how it was supposed to work. "But we're not here to jabber about things we can't have. We're here to soak up sun, enjoy ourselves before we have to return to real life and bills and who knows what"

There's a point there that isn't being made well, and Gillian stays silent for a while after she takes what she's told as a long, nicer way of telling her to stop complaining. When she does speak, it's one brief, "It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't seen his face in a dream." A face and name and tiny little boy that she'll never have. No matter what. What will she do, ask Kaylee to have her baby with Peter for her? Unlikely. "Cause no matter what I do, it won't be him. But thanks for reminding me why I don't talk about things like this. People just tell me to get over it, shut up about it— like it doesn't matter, cause it's not my future anyway."

Yeah, that's defensive, but she's hurt. It's the first time she's ever felt comfortable talking to anyone about the son she'll never have… After a few seconds, she keeps her eyes elsewhere, "Have you decided what show you want to see?" Subject change, which seems to be what was wanted anyway.

There's more color, hitting her cheek, sweeping up from her chest and up her neck, settling across her face. Abigail's foot strikes again, swallowed clean through up to her knee. A look of shame crossing her face as she looks away from Gillian and towards the other people on the actual beach at the hotel.

"I'm sorry" murmured quietly.

"I just wish the Haitian would have erased my memory of knowing I'd had a son in the first place. And Peter too. Things might be better if I'd never known," Gillian says, reaching up to rub at her face, though surprisingly finds no tears there. "It's okay. I'm sorry too." No more jabbering… "You sure you don't want to go see the male dancers? From the pictures, they're pretty good looking."

"I don't oogle half naked men in underwear Gillian. I really don't. It's not my thing and you couldn't pay me a million dollars to do so. If you and Mel wants to go do it again, I can hang out with Kendall. there's some rockstar that we met while you and her were with the australians show, I'm sure Kendall would love to meet him again" Abby offers, slightly mood killed by her own foot-in-mouth-itis.

She turns to gillian, shifting to her side and looking at the other woman. "We can talk about it Gillian. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tried to change the subject and that was terribly rude of me. I don't talk much about it either cause it's usually with Teo and.. he's got guilt" Because he's the one that changed everything.

"No— you were right. This wasn't the place to bring it up. Maybe I should just get a shrink or something," Gillian says quietly, though she couldn't tell a shrink half of this stuff. A lot of it is actually classified. And what isn't just comes off as crazy talk. "We should go to one of those comedy shows, then. No men shaking thier butts at us, just jokes and some magic shows, maybe dog tricks." A family friendly show! "I'd say we should go to the circus, but I think even that has nude moments."

"I have one" Abigail offers quietly. "Shrink that is. She's not bad. I can give you the name of the one I had before, she.. she knew a lot of what I wasn't supposed to tell, but she's bound by laws and such so…" The offer is there, if Gillian wants it. "But the circus… is a pretty good idea too"

"I could go to the same one who came out and saw the kids for grief counselling, and Aaron had a shrink I met once, who seemed okay," Gillian says, though doesn't seem to be dismissing the offer, either. "When we get back, you'll have to give me the number." And then she'll figure out if she'll go or not— It may be difficult in the weather, but possibly a good idea to talk to someone. Someday. "Then we shall circus and if there's nudity you'll just have to turn red and suffer," she adds, finally smiling again.

"Teo would agree with you on that count" The have no choice but to turn red and suffer. "You're a good woman Gillian. Remember that okay?" She pushes her sunglasses up, looking to the other woman with sincereity in her eyes. "Don't you forget it. Your worth isn't determined by some man. You're more than that"

"Yeah, I know," Gillian says, though it sounds like she doesn't quite believe it, or perhaps it doesn't help. Knowing, but not feeling it. "I think I just suck at moving on. Especially when I have so many questions that no one's willing or able to answer." Like what parts were real, and what parts weren't— if he ever loved her— when he was lying to her— why she wasn't good enough— why it was so easy for them to move on, when she seems incapable of it. "And I don't want a guy right now, anyway. I could probably have one if I did."

"One of my bartenders is a lesbian" She offers Heather up on a platter verbally speaking to gillian. Because she knows a few people who are funny between sheets and all that. "She likes girls with tattoo's" Spoken with straightest face possible.

"I've dabbled in that, but I discovered I like the penis too much," Gillian says in a completely serious voice, though it's less tension filled and more humored, as followed by a dimpled grin, taking the offer in stride.

"More's the shame for Heather" Abby muses with a return smile. "More's the shame. One drink and then we'll head out? Gather the other two and try for the circus" A nod to herself as sunglasses perch back on her nose. "Get the boot back on and hightail it."

"I'd probably have broken her heart and gotten her killed. Last three guys I had sex with ended up dying, even if two came back," Gillian says with a humored look, before she complies, "A drink, then Mel and Ken and circus sounds like a plan to me." Though those tickets are expensive, they're here to indulge.

And indulge they shall.

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