I'll Pay You To Get The Snake


audrey_icon.gif cooper_icon.gif

Scene Title I'll Pay You To Get The Snake
Synopsis To celebrate the pending marriage of ex-wife #1, Cooper drags Audrey out to buy a pet.
Date April 09, 2011

A Pet Store

"Hey… maybe I should get a bird instead." Special Agent Thomas Cooper quips brightly as he studies a stark white cockatoo on a stand. It follows his movement, wings held out from it's body. When the man tilts his head, so does the bird, it's sunny bright crest lifting with interest.

Looking to his partner, Cooper looks like a kid in a candy store. "Think I could teach it to squawk 'you're a whore' when Daisy walks into the room?" He sounds like he likes this idea, says it rather brightly. The venom coming from another visit from his ex… though it's news from his other ex that has them in a Pet store to celebrate.

Stepping away from the bird, Cooper looks around the store looking rather smug. "Yuuuup, Audrey. With wife number one getting hitched, I will be a semi free man." He makes his way down a long line of shelving, the scent of pine and cedar getting stronger as he moves towards the back. "I can afford stuff like this now." How this is a bright spot.

And why the hell a pet store?

"You can afford to Marry Daisy again" Audrey says brightly, hands in her pant pockets, studying the white bird with no small amount of interest. "I heard she'd got a ring all picked out and everything." Furthest from the truth, when Audrey meets up with Daisy to talk, occasionally get a drink, it's not to talk about Cooper.

Okay sometimes it's to talk about Cooper. It's not good when your partner is friends with your ex-wife. WEll. Friendly with the ex-wife.

"Listen, the breeder that I got Cooper and Felix from, she's gonna be popping out more soon, if you want to drop a load of money on a pet, why don't you get a dog."

Audrey's own head is tilted, frown faced at the bird as if trying to decide whether she likes it and can stand being near it. "Love birds, a mated pair, you could go that route"

"Name them Audrey and Jane?" Cooper flashes her a wolfish grin as he passes a cage of multicolored kittens that mewl and reach through the cage with extended claws in an attempt to snag his suit jacket. That's not where his interest lies and he refuses to acknowledge that joke about Daisy.

"No… I think I know what I want." They slip by fish tanks with their colorful fish following them across their habitats. "Wanted one when I was a kid and mom was allergic to pets, you know?" Cooper's eyes scan terrariums, coiled bodies within warmed by sun lamps.
"If you get a lizard or a snake Cooper, I am going to ask that you get transferred to the dregs of our department, You understand me Thomas?" Snakes, she shudders. Be worse, even more worse if it was a tarantula.

That has Cooper sending a mischievous look her way, but he moves on. But not without a chuckle. "No. I'm not into scaly and cold. Wouldn't know it be the woman I dated." There is a scrunch of his nose, pausing for a moment to look at a giant brown and white rat. "Tho… Daisy is more like one of those annoying yappy Pomeranian."

A display of bunnies get a glance, the agent can't help but stop and brush a hand down a gray lops silky back. "No no… what I want." He moves to another display, filled with cedar. Reaching in he scoops up something small and furry which squeals in

Turning Cooper holds up of all things….

A guinea pig.

It looks at Audrey with beady black eyes, mouth moving as it chews at a sprig of alfphalfa going 'Wek wek wek.'

"Isn't it perfect?" He asks brightly, as the critter continues to 'wek wek wek' oblivious to what's being discussed. "Look at him going nom nom nom. So cute."

Yeah… don't ask.

"I'll pay you to get the snake Cooper"

Audrey looks dead serious, taking a step back from the guinea pig that wheeks in Coopers hands with something almost like disgust.

"No no… this is perfect." There is some glee in the man, as he turns to look at the other bundles of fur. "Oh look." Picking up on he looks amused. "Hairless!" He cradles it in one arm and pets it with a smirk. "When I get angry, Audrey… Mr Bigglesworth gets upset. And if Mr. Bigglesworth is upset, people die."

He moves to hold it up to look at it's face, suddenly serious. Eyes narrow a little. "Naw." And he goes back to considering color options. "I have wanted one since… as far back as I can remember. Thought they were the best pets ever." He reaches in and tickles the mop of gray fur on the top of another's head.

"You know they eat them in Peru right?" Audrey cranes her neck, peering into the enormous glass cage that houses the many guinea pigs. "THey're a delicacy, put a stick up their ass and just roast them right?" Right? Audrey points to a tawney and white one. "Looks like Cooper"

Head tilting he considers the one she's pointing too. "I am so not naming one after myself," Cooper grunts out, but gives her a lopsided smirk. "Oh hey.. look it's a ginger." He picks up a guinea pig that clearly out weights the others, a meal for a small family. It's furs a rusty red with a tuft of white fur on it's head. "I think we have a winner."

He twists his hands so he can look at it in those beady little eyes. It stares back at him, making that soft wheek noise. After it gets curious and stretches itself out to get a closer sniff. "Oh yeah. This is so the one." Cooper nods his head slowly and glances around for a sales clerk. "This pig will be mine."

"So name it Dinner then, or hors d'oeuvre" Audrey points out. "Keeping in with tradition" Of the fact that they are dinner in another country. "I thought you were going to pick an expensive pet Cooper" Guinea pigs aren't exactly cheap but they're not rolls royce. She cants her head, wrinkling her nose as at the creature before reaching out, forefinger extended to scratch behind it's ears.

"Pfft. It's still more then I've been able to spend freely." Not including all those donuts. "I mean… after getting a cages and a little walking harness. It's not gonna be cheap." Cooper waves at a worker, who nods back in acknowledgment and lifts a finger to say 'just a moment.'

"Maybe I'll name it Porky." He clearly lacks imagination for naming pets.

One could say the same about Audrey. "Call him Alimony. IN celebration of what you don't gotta pay anymore for one of them" Whihc is to say there's still others that Cooper has to shell out for.

"Al!" Cooper declares, shortening it further.

Then a thought occurs to him. With a furrow of brows he lifts it to get a look at the under carriage. There is a squint before Cooper murmurs, "I can't tell if it's a boy or a girl." He stares at for a moment before giving a shrug. "No big deal. It looks like an Al."

That's good enough for him.

"Get a pair, if you have babies, you know one of them is female" She has to admit, really, as far as pets go, it's not half bad. It could be worse. "You know, I was expecting we were going to go out and drink, celebrate the release from one payment a month, not go pick out a pet. I need to grab some dog food for the boys" She looks like she might go, but drops a hand on his shoulder, looking at the beast in his hands. "You know what else?" Audrey cracks a grin, squeezing his shoulder. "They say pets tend to look like their owners, but here, I think .. I think that you look more like Al here Coop. I approve"

"Ah… see. This is me being spontaneous." He wiggles his brows a bit, handing the newly named 'Al' over to the attendant. "See what you miss by not dating me?" It's a tease, they are not that way. He's cool with it, but he's still gonna joke about.

He flicks a hand to send her off, "Go get food for your boys, I'm gonna go pick a cage."

Looking up from his new pet being placed in a 'I'm going home box', Cooper grins. "And I'll take it as a compliment." Referring to who looks like who.

“Big cage Cooper, huge multi-level cage. You gotta pay for her now, might as well make it symbolic. Buy another bitch a big house and keep her happy, fat and fed" She sing songs over her shoulder as she heads off towards the dog food.

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