If I Could Turn Back Time


kameron_icon.gif brian_icon.gif

Scene Title If I Could Turn Back Time
Synopsis Regrets, Confessions galore! Both Kammy and Brian really wish that certain things hadn't happened. Awkwardness is slowly being mended, and things began to roll back to normal until Brian drops another bomb on Kameron at the end of the night.
Date March 4, 2009
Aside Shush, Cher is awesome. And makes me giggle.

The Lighthouse

Colette had given Kammy a lot of food for thought. Things she hadn't ever thought about, or thought she would even have the opportunity to think about. And it hurt to think about, because she knew that no matter the outcome, someone was going to hurt. If what Colette said was true, odds are, Brian was going to be the one that was hurt. Poor guy. The only difference between what Colette said and what Kameron was goin to actually do.. well that's not important. What was important was nipping these things in the bud, so Brian wouldn't hurt for long. … nevermind that things probably aren't going to work out as seamlessly as Kameron plans. This sort of a sticky situation rarely does.

She's downstairs in the living room, taking a break from preparing dinner in the kitchen. Simple, spaghetti, with bits of sweet and sour chicken. She isn't hungry though, but sitting on the couch, legs folded up in the lotus position, hunched over with her chin in her hands. She's also totally ignoring Prince, who sits slightly in front of her, whining for attention and pawwing at her leg in a 'pet meeeeeeeeeeeeeee~!' manner. She must be doing some heavy thinking!

"Hey buddy." Brian murmurs as his hand slides over the head of the littlest Prince. The words take place after the loud child yelling from upstairs. Lily throwing a fit, Bai-Chan yelling in Chinese, Joe watching cluelessly. All in a day's work. The thumping on the stairs announced Brian's arrival originally. His footsteps far too heavy and slow to be the kids.

So it is those events that finally brings the replicator to slump on the ground next to Prince, his back against the couch. His soft smile beaming for the collie as he gives the pup a head rub. Totally oblivious to the forthcoming conversation.

"Hey." He murmurs sans the buddy which means it's probably to Kameron.

Prince is delighted that someone will pay attention. It's amazing that Kameron didn't hear the fuss upstairs - in fact, it's not until she hears Prince's happy whine as the Collie moves to flop across Brian's lap and demand more head rubs that she even hears the noise. "Oh.." Kameron blinks instinctively as she snaps back into focus, looking towards Brian. "…H-Hey," she smiles weakly.
He's here already? I thought .. I thought I would have more time to think of what to say. "How are you?" God, I'm not ready to have this conversation. Fidget. … I can't put it off though. Colette was right about that much..

"Oh, to you too." Brian responds in kind, very welcoming to the dog curling up on his lap. Giving little scritches and pets for th e dog, all his attention on the pup rather than the woman on the couch. Though over his shoulder, he raises one hand to reach back and touch her knee, his form of a greeting. Letting his hand fall back on Prince, he tilts his head back on the seat of the couch.

"I'm alright. Just trying to get everything done. And.." He gives a little shrug. "There's probably something I should tell you." He notes, giving a wary glance over his shoulder at her.

Kameron smiles faintly as Brian gives her dog the attention she had been refusing the pup, lost in thought as she was. "That'..that's good." She means it too! It is good that he's all right. And… …oh god, something else? "Y.. yeah. Me too.." She's perfectly still at the light touch, if tense. Keeping her hands in her lap and her gaze focused on ..well it's hard to say with the shades on, but it's probably anywhere but at Brian. ".. But, you first." Coward.

He continues to pet the dog, giving a frown over his shoulder at her. "Are you okay?" The replicator asks softly. He goes to gently guide the dog off of his lap so that he can gather himself and sit on the couch next to her. Tilting his head he peers at her. "What's wrong?" She wasn't being normal. More fumbly than usual.

No. "S-sure, absolutely.." Kameron retorts with as enthusiastic a smile as she can manage. For but two seconds, before she slumps a bit, smile fading. How do I even *begin*? "Um… I-I .." Just SPIT IT OUT already. If anything, the fumbling just amps up that much more when Brian sits beside her. Come on. You can do it! She takes a breath, "You…I." She clears her throat, voice cracking slightly, and exhales hard, blowing tousled hair out of her face. "I.. had a talk with Colette yesterday.."

And it's just about then when Brian's heart freezes inside of his chest. The sudden coldness isn't enough to make him gasp for breath, but it certainly does the trick to make his eyes widen. He might not have that look if he knew she could see her. But she can't, he can be as transparent as he needs. Literally. She had a talk with Colette? What?! The Talk should not have to be talked about! She said she would be sly.

Maybe it's about something else. No need to panic, not yet. "Yeah?" He murmurs, forcing his voice to sound perfectly normal. Just another talk. With a friend. No super nervous people here.

Poor Brian must be panicking as badly as Kammy was yesterday. She still won't look towards him, fidgeting on her side of the couch, picking at imaginary fuzz. It took a lot for Kameron to calm down enough to put the memory of That Incident out of her head long enough to think clearly. Pluck, pluck. "You… you know that I.. I would never hurt you, right? A-at least, not intentionally.." She rubs her palm against her ankle, forcing herself to continue speaking. "I've.. I had .. to do a lot of thinking after.. u-um.." A-heh. So hard to speak. Why can't she be straightforward like Colette?

She squeezes her eyes shut, and just.. just JUMPS. Figuratively. "I am so sorry.. so so sorry, Brian. I don't know how or why or.. I mean when I think about it I should have realized and done something sooner - but I wouldn't know what to do anyway, and it's not any easier NOW because -I mean. Even -I." Babble. And she's not run out of air yet, though there is a desperate tone to her voice. "I care for you, I do. You're my very important friend, you're dear to me, but.. I - I mean you, ah -if ..why you did what you did is because of why you did it," What? "I don't…. can't return those feelings and I wish I could because then at least this wouldn't be so blessed hard, but the reality of it is that I can't and I hate that .." Oh look, she's run out of breath! Of course all that she said was in such a -RUSH- the words sort of ran together and may be incomprehensible. Luck to deciphering Kammybabble.

Dull gray eyes rest on her blankly. Colette is in big trouble. Why did he ever think that letting her talk for him was a good idea? Mentally kicking himself, his features remain neutral as he simply rests on his perch watching her. His hands clasp each other in his lap. This might not be a good time to try holding her hand, so he needs to give himself support. When she first starts talking he gives little nods and 'mhmms' accompanying them, encouraging her to continue on.

When she does actually continue on, he really wishes she hadn't. His shoulders slump, sagging down with the feeling in his chest as his grip on his own hand slackens. His jaw parts slightly as he watches her rush through, whatever that is. Colette was in huge trouble. Though he won't actually do anything, he will be throwing imaginary lightning bolts at her all week. After she finishes talking his eyes wander, as if trying to find something to say. And then the stretch of time which society indicates reply times should be put in passes. And time continues on, finally he decides he has to say something.


The silence isn't very encouraging. In fact, Kam feels like the absolute worst person possible. She would have been a LOT happier not confronting and everything, but Colette did kind of take her by the head and do a figurative POINT of 'LOOK, LOOK AT IT'. "I.. I'm sorry," she gives a soft whisper finally, a hand raising to rub at her eyes. It would be so easy to cry too. "But you ..really are a wonderful person, Brian. You deserve a whole lot better." She lets that sit a few minutes, ".. if ..it's easier for you, you can hate me.." she hesitates, "O-or, I..I can move back to the apartment and just.. commute in to the Lighthouse every day, I don't mind." Whichever would be easiest for him. And seein her every day, knowing she didn't care for him, can't be easy. "I just want you to be happy." I want things to not be awkward.

"No." He pipes up quickly when she starts saying how wonderful and how much he deserves. "Don't do that." He says with one finger up at her as if to ward off those words. "Don't tell me how great I am. I don't want to hear it." The obligatory rite of rejection states you must tell the person how awesome they are, buuut..

"You don't have to leave." He says dully, his voice subdued as if he had just been in a fight or a race, and lost. "I don't want you to leave." He adds in, though the dead tone doesn't exactly support the words. "I want you to be happy." He murmurs in response. "You don't have to worry about me."

But he was a great guy! "..but.." She lifts her head now, turning to face him. Even though she can't see his face, or any details, that tone in his voice, just… … she's silent a moment, just watching him. Then lifts her hand towards him, "..We're friends, aren't we?" Her attempt to repair the awkwardness, to try and get things back on track .. to what they should be. Even if there's a bit of a twitch in her hand, she waits, hopes even, he'll at least put his hand in hers. So she can pull him over for a tight hug. Don't sound so .. so depressed. "I care about you, and I'll always worry about you. You're important to me."

"It's hard to believe those words, Kammy." He murmurs. "That I'm great. In the same breath as a rejection. It's fine.. I just." He shakes his head. "I don't like hearing it. I've done this whole thing before." He's a proffessional! His eyes trace down to that hand. Everything in him wants to not take it, or give it a good thwak, or something like that. But despite himself, one hand climbs up to rest on top of hers. To the rest of what she says a stiff nod is given. "Okay."

He doesn't believe her. That hurts. But she understands it at the same time. She curls her fingers around his hand when it rests on top of her hand, and uses that to edge a little closer, "But it is true. I owe you so much, and …" She lowers her head, fingers twitching, and then abruptly gives his hand a quick yank to ambush-hug. Leaning in so she can rest her chin against his shoulder - the better he can't see her face. Not that he could tell she was close to tears at how much she must have hurt him. ;.; Bad Kammy. Bad bad Kammy.

"I owe you so much, and… I just keep screwing things up." Lori, Eliot, and now this. Because she's as blind in reality as she is physically. "I am so sorry..!" Her voice cracks slightly, and she clears her throat again. "Even if you don't believe me, everything I said is true. You -are- a wonderful, kind person, and you do deserve /so/ so much better." .. it'll be okay when he finds someone else. "You deserve someone who can appreciate …" she bites her lower lip, cutting herself short there. He probably wouldn't take that reason for 'rejecting' him too well either.

Way to go Kammy. Somehow you have a wonderful gift of screwing up friendships and making people cry. And worse - if God's the ass she thinks he is, Brian will fall for someone else down the line and then Kammy will wind up pining and kicking herself for rejecting him! HA! AHAHAH .. .jerk.

He doesn't react much, just sitting there as her hand curls around his. His eyes flick over as she edges closer though when he's suddenly in the ambush hug, he hardly moves as well. Glancing down at her he lets out a soft sigh. His head goes to rest against hers, his free arm snaking around her to hold her against him gently. "You don't owe me anything." He mutters back quietly. "You make me happy, Kameron." He explains quietly, "And as long as you're here. You'll make me happy." It sucks to say that, it really does. He would love to lay into her with guilt trips, or make her feel terrible. But, he won't. He has principles, convictions. A faith from the same God she thinks is an ass, is the faith that allows him to hold her close rather than running around screaming how dumb she is.

"You're not screwing anything up, KamKam." He managesm glancing up at the ceiling. Though he gives a little smirk and a puff of breath. "No one could deserve better than you, Kammy. But. I understand. You can't make yourself feel a certain way. We'll.. figure this out. We'll get by, it'll be fine." He says quietly, ending with another hefty sigh.

Kameron utters a short laugh, "I don't believe you." She mutters stubbornly. " You may not think it, but I do owe you a lot." She smiles weakly at the arm around her. She felt like a terrible person. If it weren't for him, she'd still be in the apartment, busking in the park - which she still does, though lately she hasn't been in the mood. - and all. She personally believed he was well within his rights to guilt trip her, or make her feel terrible - but then again, she's doing a wonderful job of doing it to herself, all by herself. On the upside, it was better to get it out in the open - to stop pretending nothing happened, she supposed.
She holds the hug a second or two longer, and slightly pulls back. "…are you sure? … you're..going to be okay, right…?" He may have gone through it, but she never has, and - to say she wasn't frantic with worry would be a complete lie. Colette's a LIAR. :I

"You don't owe me anything." He maintains, casting her a dirty little look. It would be a tease if she could see. Hah. Whoops. Though he's trying to make everything alright, for her sake, there are certain thoughts that won't get out of his head. One for example being stupid owners of stupid clubs who take people on dumb tours. Letting his head rest against hers, he does his best to maintain the facade of being completely calm, if a little sad. Then she pulls away.

Slowly retracting his arm he sits up straight, placing his hands in his laps. Looking at her he considers asking the question you're not allowed to ask, 'What's wrong with me?' But instead he just stares at her for a moment. "Colette wasn't supposed to tell you." He murmurs softly.

Telling Brian nothing was wrong with him, that it was because she didn't want him to be stuck with someone who couldn't see - would probably be an insult. To him and her. But that was her opinion in the matter - she never had expected anything of this sort to happen, had resolved herself to just.. not having anyone! And -well. She still didn't, but she didn't anticipate anyone else getting a crush on her. ".. sorry." she replies just as quietly. She shouldn't have told him that Colette had a talk with her. "..we can't turn back the clock on this." I wish we could. ".. but I meant what I said, then and now. I'll be here, for you, and the others, as long as you want me to be."

"She said she was going to be sly. She wasn't sly at all." Brian says with a little irritation in his voice. Though he grins a bit after that. And with that, he slumps over on the couch. Going to lay his head on top of her shoulder. "We can pretend." He murmurs, bringing up his hand once again. He places it on top of hers lightly, though doesn't actually take it. "I'll always want you here Kammy, so you best be prepared to be here for a while." He takes a little breath. "How I feel, Kammy. If you ever.. change your mind. I want you to know that I'll be here waiting for you okay? No matter what happens. If you change your mind.." He just gives a little nod to her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I've made this so hard for you."

Kameron gives a soft little chuckle at the irritation in Brian's voice. It's - she shouldn't laugh, but after the tension and awkwardness and all it was .. sort of a release. "Pretend.." It's a bit of a relief. Pretend things are normal, and eventually they will be. The weirdness will go away, it'll be natural again. Right? She glances away at the last bit, awkward again. She'd hoped he would move on, not… wait. But then, that's what Colette said, isn't it? "It's… okay." She sighs softly, relaxing a bit. Enough to pay attention to Prince, when the Collie practically climbs up onto the couch to get some love too. With a soft giggle, she uses her free hand to scritch the dog behind the ear. "You couldn't have known." That she was so blind in other matters as well. Shaking her head, she switches subjects. "Oh. I ran into Tinke-I mean Leah, yesterday. She wouldn't tell me where Mr. Deckard was, but she did say she would pass on the message that you were trying to get in touch with him.

Closing his hand around hers he goes to lift the pair of hands, then drop them back down to the couch. Playing this little game for a while, his eyes following their movement he smiles at her chuckle. He gives a little nod onto her shoulder. "Pretend." Brian confirms. His free hand goes to Prince as well as he leans there. He arches his brows about the Deckard news. "They're secretive. After she knows you I'm sure she'll be more open. Did you like Tink? Oh. I had something to tell you, too."

She's the teensiest bit perplexed by the game Brian is playing, grinning in spite of herself. He was so strange sometimes. She chuckles softly at the last drop, smoothing her fingers through Prince's fur. "If he gets into as much trouble as you say, I understand why they would be so secretive." She smiles, "But yeah, I liked her. Anyone who likes animals the way she did can't be a bad person." She's still amused at the voice she used when she addressed the dog. Teehee.
Stretching a bit, she tilts her head at the last. "What did you have to tell me?" Maybe he found Cally!

Pushing himself up off of Kameron's shoulder he gives her hand a little squeeze before releasing her hand. He gives a little sigh, going to pet the dog again. "It won't have to be awkward or anything Kammy. We.. we can just pretend." He repeats again, leaning over he goes to wrap one arm around her into a tight hug. Leaning his head over he goes to plant a very brief and familial kiss on her cheek. Hoping above hopes this will make her comforted rather than freaked once again, he goes to press against the couch to stand up. "I should go make sure Colette hasn't killed anyone." And kill her for being a secret teller!

"Oh. I have an evil twin." He murmurs on his way to the stairs.

She's just a tiny bit freaked, but thankfully, doesn't go flailing around the room or anything. She smiles faintly, a bit relieved that he was willing to pretend, even though he still had feelings for her. Which she thought was still pretty cruel for him and everything. "She has a temper, but I don't think she'd kill anyone." Kam grins. "Alri- .. buh.. wha??" on the plus side, that casual comment does make her stop freaking out about other things. He has to be kidding? Right? …

Prince is unable to give her any kind of response, alas. A noselick is not an answer anyway. Ew.

March 4th: Leaving Breadcrumbs
March 4th: I Missed You
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