Never About You


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Scene Title Never About You
Synopsis Kaylee learns that relationships cause other kinds of problems when she offers to help at the Lighthouse and Gillian's already upset because of other things. This happens directly after Awkward Impressions.
Date April 24, 2010

The Garden

Situated in a copse several miles away from the nearest stretch of asphalt, the Garden is accessible via an old dirt road that winds snakelike through the woods and dead-ends at the property's perimeter, which is surrounded by stone wall plastered with wicked coils of rusty barbed wire to keep would-be intruders from attempting to scale it. Those with a key can gain entry via the front gate.

The safehouse itself is a three-story brickwork cottage over a century old and covered in moss and ivy. It slants to one side, suggesting that the foundation has been steadily sinking into the wet earth; incidentally, this may be one of the reasons why its prior occupants never returned to the island to reclaim their property when government officials lifted evacuation orders and re-opened the Verrazano-Narrows shortly before its eventual destruction.

Inside, the cottage is decorated in mismatched antique furniture including a couch in the living room and an armchair nestled in the corner closest to the fireplace that go well with the safehouse's hardwood floors and the wood-burning stoves in some of the spare bedrooms. A heavy wooden table designed to seat eight separates the dining area from the rest of the kitchen, which is defined by its aged oak cabinetry and the dried wildflowers hanging above them.

There's a lot of people in the Garden for the meeting, but that doesn't mean Gillian's difficult to find out leaning against a wall not too far from the kitchen. The sudden sound of her own name draws her attention back, as her shoulders tense back up from their slump. No surge of energy shoots through the house, at the very least, and before turning around, gloved hands rub over her face. With her eyes cleared, she looks back at Kaylee, not too far away from her.

It's obvious that she'd started crying as she walked off, which could explain why she walked off in the first place. It's not anger in her eyes, at least, but something else entirely, and her raspy voice sounds tired, whispered. Not the excited girl talk of the kitchen that she'd interupted, but something a little more private-like, "What?"

"What?" Kaylee asks, her voice dropping as well, sounding surprised at the question. "What did I do to deserve that?" Lips press together in a tight line, she's not mad, that would result in her ability doing back things. More she's frustrated. "I've been working with those kids, I've been around for the scarlet fever. I've helped Eric with his puppet shows."

Now she looks a touch hurt as Kaylee asks, the only thing she can think it could be about. "Is this about the fact I've been seeing Peter?"

"Yes," Gillian simply answers, sticking to the last question, cause it's the one she can actually answer. The rest… there's nothing really she can say. "It has everything to do with you being with Peter. It has everything to do with him bringing you up every time I saw him when we…" She trails off.

"I don't want to be around you— especially not around the kids, because they'll know. Kids know this kind of stuff and — There's other kids in the Ferry, just stick with those. The Lighthouse is my home. It's mine. It's what I fought so hard for and I— " Her voice breaks and she bites back the words and turns away a bit, as if checking to see if anyone is easedropping, or perhaps to rub at her face.

"What are you worried about the kids doing?" Kaylee still isn't quite buying it, her harms move to fold over her chest. "I mean… yeah kids know, but what are you worried about?"

Her arms unfold and she waves off the question, with both hands, "Never mind… Look…" A heavy sighs leaves Kaylee slowly, fingers run against her forehead. "Don't do this…" There is a strained note to her voice, as she looks at the other woman. "…don't deny me the chance to be around those kids.

"This stuff with Peter, it already effects what people thing of me and how trustworthy of a person I am." Fingers shove through her hair, as she looks away, going quiet as people pass by them. Once they are alone again, Kaylee says softly, "I've spent time with those kids. The kids living in your home. Most of the others in the network come and go with their parents." Something about the networks orphans effects people, even Kaylee.

"This has nothing to do with your trustworthiness," Gillian says, gloved hands clenching as she has to force her voice to lower, to avoid drawing attention. "It has to do with the fact that I'm not you. And the more I'm around you, the more I'll see that you have something that I don't. You already have one thing that I died for, let me keep the other thing that I'd die for, okay?"

She knows she's sounding irrational, and that's one of the things that happen when faced with the person who has something that… "All being around you constantly would do is show me— that I wasn't good enough.

"They're my kids— the closest thing to my kids that I'm ever going to have— and I don't want them to see me upset. I don't— I don't fucking want them to see me like this."

"God… you are just like my mother." Kaylee hiss out, eyes shutting, her head turning away. "I was always her constant reminder too." Taking a step back, Kaylee doesn't hide the hurt that her banishment from the Lighthouse does to her. "Whatever happened between you and Peter… I think it's completely fucked up to take out on me and in a way on those kids." A hand points in the direction she plans to go.

"There are other people out there, other men. How can you say you'll never have kids?" She looks confused as she asks, "How close were you two, exactly? He never talks about you two." Her own hands clench, her head tilts back, eyes drifting to the ceiling, as she says roughly. "Sometimes, I think it was easier when I made them want me… cause for the first time I let this stuff happen on it's own… I'm paying for it." No… she doesn't understand, she's never had a true relationship.

"And it's fair to take it out on me?" Gillian asks, looking at her with those tears hanging in her eyes, but she rubs at them to try and banish them. It only half works, but it works enough that they don't start falling, at least. "We weren't anything. He's made that fucking clear." She answers that question outloud, more than knowing how awkward this is for the both of them, but not turning to run away again yet either. Though— it may be best if she did.

"I can't have children anymore. Dee's happiness will never be my happiness. It— it doesn't fucking matter. This isn't about other men, and I'm not fucking taking it out on you. You're still needed, you're still important. You just got given a fucking mission for Christ's sake. You don't need the Lighthouse. I do."

The wind is blown out of her sails at the mention of not being able to have kids, but Kaylee still looks hurt. "I'm sorry that… that you can't have children anymore." She takes a step back, her own eyes filling with tears. Kaylee doesn't completely understand, but it still hurts to be cut off. She had read those letters at Christmas time, made sure they each got what they wanted on their lists. Sat with them while Doyle told his stories.

It hurts.

"Fine." The word is said softly. "Eric… Eric will be good with the kids. He needs them really. He'll… need help with the puppet shows, maybe you can do that for him. Just don't let him convince you to wear fishnets." It's Kaylee that backs down and concedes defeat, even giving a half hearted attempted at humor. She glances up the stairs, Colette will have to wait for another time, she just needs to leave. To get away from the buzzing and clear her head to think.

There is an apologetic look tossed to Gillian, but she doesn't utter another word before the telepath turns to leave. She'll stay away like she's been asked, though it won't be easy.

As she turns to leave, there's a sudden sound from Gillian, a soft sad, "Wait." And she takes a few steps away from the wall, and digs around in her big coat pockets for two things. A sharpened pencil and the notebook she had, where she scribbles her phone number down and rips the page off and holds it out. "I'm not there all the time. Give me that contact info and I'll call you when I'm going to be gone for a while, and if you're in the area, you can come by and hang out with Eric and the kids."

Pausing, Kaylee turns back, eyes dropping to the paper in Gillian's hand. Slowly she reaches out to take it, there is caution in that movement as if waiting for it to be snatched away. "Thank you." Kaylee says softly, meaning it as she tucks the number in her pocket and replaces it with the piece of paper she tried to offer earlier, offering it out to her as well. "I appreciate you allowing me to do that."

"It was never about you," Gillian says quietly, as she shoves the piece of paper and the rest of her things back into her big pocketed coat, before she goes the opposite direction. It's not like the house is big enough they can all hide, but— she needs some air, even if it's cold as hell air— before she finishes the last of what she needed to do, before catching a ride back to the Lighthouse.

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