Participants:
| Scene Title | Old Musicals Can Derail Any Mindset |
|---|---|
| Synopsis | Comfort between friends. |
| Date | Jan 13, 2009 |
USS George Washington
She hasn't seen Felix Ivanov around as much as she would have liked since they came aboard the carrier. Elisabeth is making a point of finding where he's been hiding and seeking him out. "You avoiding me, Feeb?"
Fel's been hiding, generally. Not that Felix was ever a social butterfly, but it's like Fel is trying to husband his meagre reserves until that very, very last push. He's not been smoking, but been eating more….and now that Cardinal's onboard, it's been more or less hands off when it comes to Liz. He trains, somewhat nervously, goes over the plans, reads what he can get his hands on, and sleeps as much as he has access to a bunk. Twelve hours at a stretch, when possible. "No," he says, rolling over on said bunk and blinking drowsily at her, pink from sleep.
Although he may be in the hands-off mode, Elisabeth herself doesn't seem bothered by the fact that Richard Cardinal is on board. Shoving off the doorjamb where she was leaning, she walks into the quarters and scoots onto the shallow bunk to snuggle her erstwhile lover. Not so much looking to renew old acquaintances as offering what comfort she can to his worries. "Then how come you're not talking to me and I haven't seen you in days?" she asks quietly as she wraps herself around him. "It's not that big a ship." Well… it is, but still.
It's packing them close, that's for certain. But after a moment's surprise, Fel heaves a rather canine sigh, and fits himself along the length of her body. "Nothing much left to say. This is the big push….and for all I can't shut my yap in ordinary days….this is it. I'm exhausted. I just want it done."
There's a soft smile when his arms come around her and she can snug herself under his chin in a resting pose that is as familiar as breathing. "I miss my friend," Elisabeth says softly. "Especially right now, when we're about to go out there and do this yet again… I wanted you to know that…. you aren't alone." She's worried about him, it's evident.
There's a shaky sigh from him, utterly weary. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to have been neglecting you," he says, and then frowns at himself. English R Hard 4 Immigrint, sometimes.
"I feel more like I'm the one neglecting you." Elisabeth has been training with the naval personnel. "And I'm…. afraid of what's coming in Antarctica," she admits softly. "Worried about not succeeding. And … worse yet, if we succeed…. I worry what comes next."
Fel lifts himself up on one elbow, to peer at her face. His own looks weirdly vulnerable, without the glasses. "What do you mean? What's worse then nuclear apocalypse?" He's not being sarcastic - if anything, he looks intensely nervous.
Elisabeth looks up at him and admits softly, "They oh-so-kindly gave me room to resign from the PD…. and put me on FRONTLINE. I…. don't know if I can do the job, Felix. I don't want to say that to that shark Kershner, but… goddamn, we need SOMEONE with their eyes on these people." She bites her lip. "And…. as Teo points out…. I'm stupid enough to want the carrot they're offering."
"I'd be tempted, too, in your position," he says, equally quietly. "I know you'd be more than good enough, but would you want to? And you're right. I don't trust them, or her, further than I can spit them. But ….well, that're your options, otherwise? Quit, go back to teaching, go try and be a cop somewhere else….."
There's bitterness in her smile. "No… I can't go be a cop somewhere else. If I were to try, I believe they'd blacklist me. Oh, I'll get my pardon and my excuse for being gone. They'd just …. come up with some story, I'm sure." Elisabeth shrugs a little. "I already told them I'd take it," she admits to him softly. "I'm just… second-guessing. I haven't much else to do besides worry myself to death about everything before we land, you know?" She smiles a little. "Don't tell anyone I'm overthinking again."
Fel kisses her behind the ear. "Well, then, it's FRONTLINE, quiet retirement, or death. So, go with the first option, and let the devil take the hindmost, as my instructor at the academy used to say. And don't worry about it. Do your best."
Elisabeth chuckles softly. "Why is it that the men in my life are, for the most part, pretty much supportive when I go pull shit like this…. while the female friends are all about how I'm drinking the Kool-Aid?" Well… except for Teo? Or not. In hindsight, she thinks it possible that she thoroughly overreacted. "I like having men friends. Maybe I'll go back to not having female friends or something."
"Because it's not you pulling something. It's life fucking you up the ass. All you can do is roll with it and be philosophical," Felix says, very gently. "What's the point in arguing? Like, look at me? What'm I gonna do, lie down and die? Jump off the flight deck?"
Eyeing him, Liz retorts, "I don't know. Should I worry about you jumping off the flight deck, Felix?"
"Depends on how all this goes," he says, easily, not avoiding her gaze. "If we fuck it up, there'll be no need. If we succeed….well, we'll see what they do with me. I don't trust them. Any of them," And abruptly, his face is grief-stricken. It's amazing how, when he drops that cop's mask, expressive his features actually are. "I fought so hard to get to this country, because we thought it'd be better…." What a time for that idealism of his to poke its head up.
Scooting around so that her front is pressed to his and she hugs him tightly. "Yeah… I know," Elisabeth whispers. "But you know, what Felix? As bad as it is… the people who went to Argentina and Madagascar reminded us that we actually have it far better than a lot of places in the world."
Fel all but deflates, rather than yield to that momentary impulse. He's just thin - muscle, sinew, no spare flesh. "Yeah. I know. But you know, fuck, who expects much of them? It's the US that's supposed to be the shining beacon."
Yeah, well…. Elisabeth sighs heavily. "Well, goddamn it, Feeb… it's up to us to shiny it up again." Because where the hell else are they going to go. "We gotta shiny it up to have an amazing future. We deserve it."
"Gimme a rest after this, and yeah," Fel says, but he doesn't sound too sanguine about it.
Elisabeth pokes him gently in his skinny ribs. "Don't be facetious with me." She knows how much going home is going to hurt too. "Do you want me to let you go back to sleep?" Leave him here on his own?
He bridles a little. "I wasn't joking," he says, quietly. "Liz, what else do I do? I mean, really. But I need treatment. My……it's like my mind is fraying like rope. I'm holding it together because I have no choice. But fuck, I'm not fit to serve as a crossing guard at an elementary school, let alone an agent of the Federal government." He pauses, bites his lip, looks embarassed. "Stay here with me a litle?"
"You're not the only one, Felix," Elisabeth replies softly. "Claire's fucked up, Noriko's a fucking psycho serial killer just waiting to cut loose, and Sylar's part of our group. Oh, and don't forget, we're going into hell with the guy who is the CAUSE of all this bullshit. And that's just off the top of my head." She moves to looks up at him. "What part of our lives have not been insane for the past year and a half?" she asks sincerely. Then she leans up and kisses him softly. "As long as you need," is her simply reply to his request. And she settles in to cuddle him for as long and as tightly as he wants.
Cuddling he's delighted to have, oh, yes. After a moment's hesitation, he kisses her on the mouth, and it's a bit more than merely affectionate, though.
Although she responds to the kiss, it is not as heated as he might suddenly wish for. Without repulsing the move, Liz also doesn't seek to tempt him to discard clothing either. It has the feel of a contented necking session as she escapes the kiss to catch her breath, lingering to slide her lips along his jaw. "I hate this boat," she murmurs against his skin with a laugh. Every damn time one of her men decides to be interested, dammit!
Fel makes an irritated grunt. "They don't care, Liz. We can be quiet. I mean, there's no real privacy here, and even at night, it's not particularly easy to conceal. Do you really think it matters? Not like anyone expects them -all- to be celibate. And I really don't want to get punted off the back of the flight deck for molesting some unfortunate little marine."
"So you're telling me I should do it for my country or something?" Liz is struck by a fit of the giggles.
Fel stares at her for a moment, as if trying to decide just how affronted he should be. He rolls his eyes, and mutters something unintelligible.
Elisabeth covers her mouth, and then just mutes the sound around the bunk so that she can guffaw madly at the disgruntled look on his face. She's laughing so hard there are tears in her blue eyes. "Oh… oh, God. I'm so sorry."
"I mean, it's not like you can't mute the sound," Fel points out, but his tone remains grumpy. But he rolls onto his side, back to her, to let the gigglefit pass.
Elisabeth slides her arm around him while he flumps over the other way in the tiny little bunk, resting her chin on his shoulder. There are still tremors of giggles, but she is sincere as she murmurs softly, "I'm sorry. Chalk it up to stress? I'll make it up to you later." She kisses his neck as she says it.
"Sure," Fel says, and his tone is sleepy, rather than irate. Like he's already drifting off.
Burying her nose in the back of his neck where she can breathe the smell of him, Elisabeth cuddles around his prone form for a long time listening to him breathe, worrying about him. Her hand absently strokes him while he sleeps, and when she finally does slip away from him, she kisses the back of his shoulder and tenderly tucks him in, brushing the back of her knuckles across his cheek before she leaves.