Painful Decisions



Featuring and mentions of:

barazani_icon.gif carl_icon.gif kaylee-emily_icon.gif hannah_icon.gif joseph_icon.gif

Scene Title Painful Decisions
Synopsis If you love them, sometimes you have to let them go.
Date April 14, 2019

“Mommy!” Carl hurried after her, panicked and worried. “Wait! Mommy!”

When did I become so numb?

When did I lose myself?

Kaylee reluctantly turned back, box in her arms; Bob placing the others in the back of the black SUV. Seeing him running towards her, the telepath crouched. The box dropped next to her just in time so that she can catch her son in a tight embrace.

”Please Mommy,” Carl sobs, clinging to her tightly, face buried against her shoulder. He was still so little and what was happening was so confusing.

All the words that leave my tongue

Feel like they came from someone else

It is a moment that about destroyed her, Kaylee hugged her baby boy tight, “It’s going to be okay sweetie,” she whispered against his hair. Eyes lifted to find a heartbroken Joseph watching from the porch, arms around their girls. Seeing the man she still, in her own way, loved looking at her like that…. Kaylee had to close her eyes against the sight, she couldn’t afford to lose her nerve.

Kaylee allowed herself a moment to hold on to the best thing that ever happened to her. It was the hardest part of what she was doing.

I'm paralyzed

Where are my feelings?

Gently, Kaylee extracted her son, even though he shouted at her angrily and fought her; fingers cling to the leather of her jacket. “I have to go, baby,” her voice had been gruff to her own ears; the telepath had the barest hold on to her emotions. Fingers brushed over his soft hair, before tapping under his chin to get his full attention. His hair was still as soft as the day he came into the world screaming.

“You’ll get to visit soon, promise.”

I no longer feel things

I know I should

Afternoon light filters through the partially shut curtain, leaving a splash of light across the length of the living room. The apartment hadn’t been used in sometime. The family who once lived there had moved to an actual home. It had sat quiet for so long allowing for dust to settle over everything in a faint layer. The hum of electricity is the only thing that cuts through the deep quiet of an empty home.

However, it wouldn’t be staying that way for long, as keys rattle against the wood of the door, before it is toed open to allow for Kaylee to step inside; nudging it open further with an elbow for her companion and reluctant helper, Bob.

I'm paralyzed

Where is the real me?

Sumter Family Kaylee’s Apartment - Raytech Industries

With a box tucked under one arm, Kaylee steps through the door, lips pressed in a line of disapproval at the state of things. Maybe even a bit of guilt for letting it get that way. The box is set on the small living room’s coffee table. The keys haphazardly tossed along side it. The metallic clatter loud and echoing in the empty room.

There is a soft sigh as she looks around the quiet executive apartment, shoulders slumped. Kaylee was completely worn out, emotionally and physically.

When did I become so cold?

When did I become ashamed?

The little boy, her little spark, looked so confused. “Was it me? I’ll be better mommy. I’ll do my chores and I won’t complain.” Those words broke her. To have her son think he was the reason? Devastating. She couldn’t explain it… why she was leaving her family, she just knew it was something she had to do.

”Just please don’t go!”

Where's the person that I know?

They must have left

With all my faith

Behind her, Bob carries in a pair of boxes, a look of concern focused on her back. She could feel it. He’s been quiet most of the evening, but his brows are continually creased with worry for the woman. He had already alerted the Chief, even if Kaylee had asked him not too. It had been an emotionally strenuous evening and they were all worried about her. Carefully, he settles the boxes on the floor next to the door.

“You gonna be alright, Boss?” her bodyguard asks as he straightens, watching her out of the corner of his eyes, as she stands there looking dejected. Even though being there was of her own making. She felt like a victim as much as the villain in the lives of her family. She had always thought herself better, but in the end…

I'm paralyzed

I'm scared to live but I'm scared to die

“Not really,” is all Kaylee has to say on the matter, not even bothering to turn to address him directly, unable to look at him. There was too much shame. Too much guilt.

“Okay, but if you want to ta —”


Please Mommy.”

Bob sighs heavily in disapproval, looking at the door, hands moving to his hips; stubborn and determined to have his say, “I’m just worried about you. We all are.” He meant him, Lou, and Luther. It had been uncomfortable witnessing what he had. Even though, he had been expecting it since the visions took the turn they did.

And if life is pain then I buried mine a long time ago

But it's still alive

Kaylee can hear those thoughts, but doesn’t comment on it. Doesn’t even correct his perception, maybe in some small way that is why she was standing there now; but it wasn’t the real reason for the choice she made. The woman was just too emotionally drained to care to fix it, at the moment. However, the assumption does manage to spark a fire in her gut and it quickly spreads, filling her to a growing anger until….

“Go. Away.” The telepath growls out gruffly against a tightening throat. It takes everything in her not add a telepathic prompt to go with it.

”I know it’s confusing, baby” Kaylee couldn’t explain it. The past few months had flipped her entire perception of her of world on its head. “I wish I could explain it… “ She didn’t really know how too, even if she wanted too. One thing was certain though, if it wasn’t for how dangerous her life was, the telepath would have fought to bring him with her. With his father is where he needed to be for now.

”Just know that I love you. You and your sisters.”

And it's taking over me - where am I?

I wanna feel something, I'm numb inside

“I don't need or want anyone's fucking advice. Or opinion. Or god damn sympathy.” Kaylee will regret those words later and probably apologized for them, but for now, she just wanted to be alone. More so she didn't feel like she deserved any of it, she was a horrible person in her opinion. There was no worse pain that she could have inflicted on her husband and children.

“Alright,” he starts gently, “but if you need anything. Call me or Lou. Okay?” He leaves Luther out of it, knowing he might be one of the last people she’d want to see right now. Bob waits with the patience of a parent for the woman to answer.

”I love you too, mommy.”

It doesn't come and his lips press into a tight line. “Okay?” he asks again, firmer. It succeeds in pulling the woman out of her pit of self pity for a moment.

“Yeah,” Kaylee snaps back, finally turning to glare at him. There is concern at the red rimmed appearance of her eyes, but he stays quiet. Mainly, because of the warning look she shoots him. It says without words to get the fuck out now.

But I feel nothing, I wonder why

I'm on the race of life and time passes by

Still, there is a hesitation. Kaylee may be his employer, but he has spent enough time with her to develop a rapport. Many of the higher personnel of the Security department had. As the silence awkwardly stretches, Bob finally gives a small resigned nod of his head. He would just have to be satisfied with that.

The door closes with a click shortly after and she is finally left in silence.

Kaylee was numb. Left alone, the apartment around her felt cold and unwelcoming.

I sit back and I watch it, hands in my pockets

Waves come crashing over me but I just watch 'em

Feet drag slightly as she moves to the couch, feeling suddenly heavier. The emotions flowing through her pressing in on her mind, making her thoughts fuzzy. Only just managing to uncover the couch, she leaves the cloth in a haphazard pile on the floor at her feet. That done, Kaylee drops down heavily onto the couch; shoulders curled forward into a hunch. Almost immediately, fingers seek the familiar presence of the gold band she had been wearing for several years… Only to find it bare.

She doesn’t remember when she took it off; but she knows it is tucked into a pocket.

Leaning forward with elbows resting on her knees, Kaylee rubs hands over her face before fingers comb through her hair, coming to a stop behind her neck. Leaning like that, eyes find her son’s book, The Good Dragon, staring at her from the box on the coffee table. Seeing it there, sends a sharp pain through her heart. When did he put it there? Sitting up, Kaylee pulls it from the box and cradles it between her hands. The ache in her chest flares again, jaw tightening against it. Holding on to what little composure she has.

I just watch 'em

I'm under water but I feel like I'm on top of it

Please Mommy.”

Please don’t leave me!”

Her lip quivers. A sharp breath taken as tears well up in her eyes. “‘M sorry, baby.” she murmurs into the empty apartment, followed by a tortured sob that she can no longer hold back. Pulling the book close to her chest she gives another hiccuped sob. “I’m so sorry.” With the floodgates open, Kaylee is overrun by the guilt and sorrow of what she had done to her family. Hugging the book tight, Kaylee curls around it as the decision to leave her family tears her from inside. Never had she felt so terrible for something she has done, this felt worse then even her most horrible sin.

But I'm at the bottom and I don't know what the problem is

I'm in a box

As she sits there, sobbing, a part of her wants to run back and apologize to Joseph. Beg him to take her back. That she was wrong. The pain in his eyes alone was going to haunt her. Never had Kaylee ever thought she’d be the one to put that look into the eyes of someone she loved.

If you love them, sometimes you have to let them go to protect them.

“It hurts,” Kaylee whispers, with a hiccuped sob, to answer her own thought; but, she also knew that sometimes the right decisions are the most painful.

But I'm the one who locked me in

Suffocating and I'm running out of oxygen

It didn't feel like the right one, but at the same time it did. Her family needed stability and not her constant doubt and her wild life. This thing in her head had her questioning everything and now that it was gone… that was worse. She had no idea until the voice was silent Her entire life had been turned on its ear.

Kaylee didn’t know who she was anymore and she needed to find the real her in a life full of manipulations and lies.

I'm paralyzed

Right now?

Where is the real me?

Please Mommy!”

I'm lost and it kills me - inside

Kaylee just felt like a monster.

I'm paralyzed

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