The Fear Of Tomorrow


elisabeth_icon.gif ygraine2_icon.gif

Scene Title The Fear of Tomorrow
Synopsis It's too damn late to do anything about it.
Date Apr 1, 2011

Elisabeth's Apartment, Dorchester Towers

Elisabeth lets Ygraine in glad to see the duffel bag the woman chose to bring with her is very similar to the one Elisabeth packed in. "Perfect," she tells the woman. The blonde looks…. rougher than Ygraine has ever seen, frankly. Her face is slightly swollen, her eyes look puffy and a bit bloodshot. It looks like a hangover, really. "I have to go in to work after lunch, but I took some personal time this morning. I figure… what the hell?" She grimaces, gesturing Ygraine to the couch. "That's the duffel that I want you to take with you, please. It's got some changes of clothes, my leather jacket, a pair of hiking boots, and two pistols with ammo. Do not get stopped with my gear, they'll arrest you on the spot for those weapons." She blows out a breath. "Uhm…. I saw my dad this morning. He's… unhappy."

Though her sling is still absent, as it was the night before at the exhibition's formal launch, Ygraine is clearly still favouring one arm. She carefully swings her own bag to the floor, before stepping forward to tentatively attempt to deliver a hug, leading with her better hand.

"I've had some… interesting conversations with my family, as well", the Briton murmurs. "I… hope that you've managed to get it all sorted out."

"He's….. " Elisabeth's voice chokes. "He's unhappy, but he's … proud of me," she says. And she tenses slightly as Ygraine hugs her, then convulsively hugs the other woman tightly. "Guess one out of two isn't bad," she murmurs, the tears flooding her eyes again. "Christ I'm so damn tired of crying."

Putting one and one together, Ygraine actually reaches two, and (albeit rather lop-sidedly in terms of pressure applied), tightens her grip upon her friend. "I know it doesn't count for as much in this situation, but… I admire you", she informs Liz. "You can only do as well as you know how, and try to learn from the past and judge the future as best you can. You've tried to do that, and you've tried hard, and I admire you for it. Anger… tends to be fierce rather than permanent. Love's more durable. And I'm starting to sound like a self-help book."

Drawing back from the hug, Elisabeth reaches up and wipes her face. "I'm ruining everything," she says softly. "He's right…. doing the right thing isn't always the best thing. And it's entirely possible I've fucked him royally. Ezekiel said trusting me was what ruined everything. I guess he was right after all." She sucks in a deep breath. "But it's too late to stop it now. The information's been passed, I've already moved assets. If they're watching me, they're going to know things are about to blow. God, Ygraine…. what the fuck am I doing? I don't know if I can make it on the run. I'm so damn high profile, and I've always known this day would come. But… it wasn't real." The low hum that was around her as she hugged Ygraine intensifies as she babbles her way into yet another of the multiple panic attacks she must have already had today. No wonder she looks exhausted. Her ability is nowhere near in control — she has had a vibration field literally humming all morning in anxiety.

Somewhat cautiously, Ygraine reaches up to try to take hold of Elisabeth's shoulder, hoping that physical contact will provide both anchoring and reassurance. "You made the best decision you could", she affirms. "I asked you about staying there… and I very much got the impression that you thought you wouldn't have been able to last much longer no matter how hard you'd tried. If it's a choice between getting out on your own terms, or waiting for them to either trap you - or just decide they don't need you at all…."

Gently shaking her head, the Briton musters what she hopes is an encouraging smile. "I'll do anything I can to help you. I trust you not to ask for anything beyond me. So if there's something now, or in future, let me know. This situation stinks - but you're not alone. I promise."

"You don't understand!" Elisabeth shouts, pacing away from Ygraine. "We've been working on bringing these Humanis First fuckers into the light of day for years. They have tortured me, tortured Felix, killed me, tortured Felix and Joseph, killed Mona Rao…. the list is goddamn near endless. And they chunked fucking Emil Danko into Antarctica with us to save the goddamn world, and he survived like a fucking cockroach! Now I'm outing myself as a terrorist - do you think anything we say at this point will be taken seriously? We can't out the mayor and the head of the DoEA and the chief of police as Humanis First now — who the fuck would believe us??" She drags both hands into her hair. "I should have just waited. Let them come at me straight on. They wouldn't have killed me. That'd make me into a fucking martyr, right? So they'd just chuck me in the same black hole they've thrown everyone else." Panic makes the vibrations worse. The glasses in the cabinets are rattling again. Her neighbors have gotta think we're having mini earthquakes.

Earthquakes are really beyond Ygraine's realm of expertise, however miniature they might be. "You snapping and ending up as mad as me wouldn't have helped anyone", she quietly informs Elisabeth, hoping to lower the volume level at least a little. "And from what I could see, things were getting to you. Not just what you saw at work, but everything these dreams have been showing you. And others, for that matter! I was there when you found out that people were having dreams about you that you hadn't even seen yourself. Everything you had to go on, it indicated that you had to take a stand - or you'd wind up on the wrong side until they hunted you like a game animal."

"But if you think you truly have done the wrong thing - your position with them might still be salvagable. Your actions don't have to be those of someone doing a runner because she's a terrorist. They know they've personally and very seriously pissed off at least one technopath, for example, so you're not the only conceivable source. And what you've demonstrably done could be excess stress, brought on by everything in your life and the direct injunction of the DHS not to involve yourself in a critical mission because they didn't trust you. And believe me, if they have a shrink look at you now the 'excess stress' diagnosis will be obvious. If you want to try to get back in, then we can try."

Elisabeth takes several deep breaths, trying to quell the panic. She moves to sit down on the couch. The blonde admits on a soft sob, "It wouldn't matter. They'll tear down everyone around me because they can." She looks up at Ygraine. "I have walked this line for so long." She reaches up to wipe at her tears again, then clasps her hands between her knees. "I am not a strategist. Tactics I can do. But strategy? This bullshit that comes with string maps of futures that haven't happened? I can't do those things. And I knew he'd be mad. I knew … that stepping up like this would just piss him the hell off. But I never….." She swallows. "What if he's right? What if this is what destroys everything, Ygraine? I thought… that we needed a complete departure from Ezekiel's world. In his world, I was dead. I never ran FRONTLINE because Richard had a sniper kill me on November 8th during the riots. And then he brought me back to life the same way they did with Aric…. and I played their fucking games until I was pregnant and had no choice but to run for the sake of my child. So many things are different right now…. does this one even matter? What if this one is what actually happened after I betrayed Ezekiel too? What if this is what turns Richard into Ezekiel?"

Ygraine moves forward, sinking smoothly into a crouch before Elisabeth, expression worriedly sympathetic - though she flinches at news of Richard killing Liz. "He's not alone in this one", Ygraine says. "He's not… murdered you than raised you again to be his property. He's never played God with you. He's different, and his situation is different. One is acting to ensure that a son lives, right? This one's got children on the way and at least two women who want to give him children, now or in the future. He's not a desperate, lonely guy with a god-complex who thinks that it's a good idea to kill someone then animate her for himself."

"I'm not saying he's not angry. But… this one. Your one is not Ezekiel. He's got far more to live for, far more to protect, and has done none of the things that make Ezekiel someone to oppose." Or so the Briton fervently hopes.

She looks at Ygraine and sucks in another breath, the hum returning finally to that barely discernable buzz close to her skin. Elisabeth smiles just a little. "Wow. Now there's an image that gives me the willies. Zombie Liz fucking a guy who uses her as a puppet." She shoves a shaky hand through her hair and heaves a deep sigh. If he wondered why she looked like shit when she opened the door? It's apparently been this way all night. "Thanks Ygraine."

The smile is a relief, though a somewhat unexpected one - and the comment that follows makes Ygraine blink in surprise, then laugh. Reaching up, she gently patpats Elisabeth's knee. "Not something that had occurred to me before you said that", she dryly informs the blonde. "Thank you so much for sharing."

Her smile, however, is fond. "You're welcome. Truly. And… while I can't say that I'm looking forward to any of this, I… I'm glad you're with me. Even if it turns out that I'm somehow in the clear - just ask, and if I can, I'll help you."

Elisabeth nods a little bit. "I will. If I can." She sighs again. "Christ, I'm a wreck. I need to go to work this afternoon. Status quo, right?"

Ygraine lets out a quiet 'meep', then sighs. "I'd… frankly, I'd normally suggest that you take the afternoon off. Call in sick. But that might prompt them to grab you know. God, I admire your courage, you know? Just… maybe go out on the streets somewhere you can wear your helmet and hide, perhaps?"

"It's not courage," Elisabeth says softly. "Do I look like I'm feeling courageous?" She shakes her head. "I've already burned every bridge I have…. what the fuck do I have to lose anymore?"

"Not every bridge, no", Ygraine says softly. "And… courage isn't about doing something that doesn't scare you. It's about doing something in spite of being scared. So, yes. You do seem courageous to me. You're bloody terrified, but you're not letting that stop you."

Bloody terrified doesn't quite begin to cover Elisabeth's feelings, frankly. But the blonde nods slightly. "Well…. not like I've got a choice now. It's all the marbles, Ygraine." She smiles a little. "Take that bag with you. Stash it…. wherever you can. If things go the way I hope, I'll be able to pick it up in a day or two at most."

"At the very least, I can stash it", Ygraine muses. "I'll be travelling by pedal cycle, rather than motorbike - if I'm lucky and push hard, then I'm merely another six to eight weeks from being able to cope with heavy lifting with my right arm, so I need things I can control one-handed. But I'll see how I go with my stuff and yours together. Balance, at least, isn't an issue for me…. And I can cheat a huge amount while navigating the city, so…."

Suddenly flashing a sheepish grin, Ygraine shakes her head. "Sorry. Babbling again. Terribly out of character, I know. But… take care of yourself, okay? I don't know anyone else likely to be there, so far as I know. So make sure to turn up, all right?"

"I will." Elisabeth shoves herself upward and wipes her face one last time. "Go on. I have to get to the base," she murmurs.

Ygraine peers up at her for a moment, then rises as well - and attempts to draw Liz into a tight, but brief, embrace. "I'm proud of you", she murmurs. "I truly am", before pulling back and finding a smile. "Good luck", she adds, then turns to collect the bags - carrying both of them only really made possible by her ability, given the weakness of her wounded arm.

"Before next we do this, I teach you how to pack lighter", the Briton admonishes with a wink, then slips out the door.

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