The Full Monty


huruma3_icon.gif jaiden_icon.gif

Scene Title The Full Monty
Synopsis From the jungles of Vietnam to the jungle that is Burlesque, Jaiden is forced to strip off in order to get home.
Date October 26, 2010


A flashy little strip club, its name advertised in bright neon pink above the door in swooping cursive, with the figure of a woman outlined in the same seeming to kick a leg with each flash of the light. Two bouncers stand by the door, which is a reflective chrome and stays closed unless opened by the security duo, with a red carpeting extending out onto the pavement. They will check you for I.D. before permitting you entrance. You'll be greeted by a woman in full burlesque regalia, with exaggerated makeup, a corset that barely keeps everything in, fishnets and feathers. Provided you can pay the cover charge, she will show you to a table, offer to get your first drink of the evening, and leave you alone to enjoy what Burlesque has to offer.

The main room's focal point is the generous stage, a circular platform with Broadway lights around the edges, and a catwalk that extends further out into the scattered round tables where patrons can sit and drink. The lights that shine down on it are never particularly clear, often shards of pink, green, blue, which hide as much as they reveal. There is almost always a dancer on the stage, even as even more girls move around the room to give more intimate shows on tabletops. There's a long bar that crawls along one side of the room, with a couple of bartenders behind it, a counter of black glass with rows and rows of liquor on display on glass shelves. Leather booths are tucked away towards the back, offering some privacy for whatever purpose.

Despite the proposed theme of the club, impressions of burlesque only factor in with the permanent staff and particular shows of featured dancers. Otherwise, the tunes are standard for any kind of strip club, and the girls will wear what they like. There are private lounges for more expensive, personal shows, and a darkly lit, obscured staircase leading up to both dressing rooms and the manager's office.

Some boys take a beautiful girl

And hide her away from the rest of the world

I want to be the one to walk in the sun

Oh girls they want to have fun

Oh girls just want to have

It's ladies night, Burlesque is packed with more women than it may have seen since its inception. This time they're fully dressed and waving bills at the stage where a young man with the build of a Chippendale is taking it all off, not all off though. While they condone it for women, when it comes to the male strippers, they're not allowed to go the full monty. Mostly because that much of a show is a turn off for the ladies, especially when they find out that most of the men up there wouldn't fulfill their wildest fantasies.

That's all they really want

Some fun

When the working day is done

Girls—they want to have fun

Oh girls just want to have fun…

Waiting in the wings is an amateur who had one day in the sun. A much published day in the sun thanks to a few of the customers at a certain dessert bar and the lovely folks at Youtube.

"Thank you Ladies!! That was Jeff!! Thank you Jeff!!" The faceless DJ comes over the loudspeaker to keep up the hype between dancers, never let the ladies cool down if you want to keep up the cash flow. The drink prices were low to begin with, most of the customers didn't even notice when Happy Hour stopped and the prices got jacked up… most of them are already really drunk.

As the twentysomething year old man saunters out to the stage dressed in a policeman's uniform, he strikes one pose, then another… His song hasn't started yet and that might be a good thing because before he knows it, he's being bowled over by a muscular man in a green poncho that looks like he's been part of a wrestling tournament.

"Get off me! This is my spot!!" The grapple has begun…

No shit, there he was, in the middle of the jungle. Charlie had them pinned down. Isabella was hit in the shoulder, and the medic was working on her when, suddenly, Jaiden was grabbed from behind and pulled into nothing.

The first thing that Jaiden notices, aside from the cloying stench of body oil combined with unfiltered Pall Malls smoked by one of the women near the front row is the fact that it's no longer raining and the temperature has dropped slightly to turn into a far less uncomfortable scene. Well, that is, until a half-naked posing man he was just chucked into from nowhere.

Jaiden tumbles where he was thrown, going ass over teakettle, hands slapping the stage hard as he tries to break his fall, ending up taking the legs out from under the twentysomething man who lands on top of him. "What in the hell?" He asks before bringing his hands up to block a halfhearted blow, his state of dress making him look like an extra from Platoon or Rambo, backpack and gun included! "Where am I?"

As if the pounding music wasn't enough to clue him in….being displaced so violently in time is hard on a guy!

Huruma doesn't blend in, by any means. It goes the same even when she's among a group of people- though this particular group of people is quite raucous enough to make her disappear entirely. She came as a favor of sorts, initially, but, being a woman among other women is effective in making even the most frigid ones warm up a little. A few drinks has helped, even if it takes more than usual to fill out her tall frame like the smaller women. She has had enough to make this outing completely worthwhile, but Huruma isn't about to cause everyone to go into an accidental lustful frenzy.

Ladies night is not usually so enjoyable, in any case. It's an odd thing, that she have a night to relax like others do. The eye candy may not entirely be her cup of tea, but not coming alone makes this much easier to forgive.

Though, it isn't until Jaiden simply appears that she finds things get interesting beyond what drinks can give her. She's sitting nearer the front at a table, but just behind the first gaggle of female faces, and the glass at her lips obscures her look of surprise. Shock, partly. At the very least, she doesn't snort her liquor up her nose or down the front of her low-cut golden top.

Unfortunately for the big Australian, the women on the floor aren't letting him off the stage easily. Prompted by the DJ they begin shouting "Strip off! Strip off! Strip off!" which is taken as a challenge by the young man dressed in the cop uniform.

Now very muddy, the younger man gets up and strikes a pose to reassert his manhood. Casting a smoldering puckered lip expression to the women along the side of the stage, he struts to the back wall and raises a hand for a moment of silence. Queue the music.

I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love

Love's going to leave me

I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt

So sexy it hurts

Pulling off his tie, he swirls it around his head a few times before releasing it in a lovely throw out to the screaming women. This audience is certainly much more appreciative than the one in Oh So Sweet, it could be the liquor, it could be the lack of ankle bracelet. The buttons pop from his blue collared shirt as he rips it open to display his proud pecs, allowing them to dance for the beat. A signature move that he's trying to brand as his very own.

And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan

New York and Japan

He takes a short run and does a single handspring to end his round. "Beat that Dude… Let's see your stuff!" The call out is enough to send the women who can hear it reeling. Two for the price of one? It can't get much better than this!

Now, there are two ways Jaiden can go about this. He can either do as the crowd demands and the taunting boy requests, and try to 'beat that' signature bouncy pectoral move, or get off stage and go home to see if Delia's okay. "It's allright, mate, you win. Good on you." He gives a charming grin, pushes the hood of the poncho down and off to give the ladies a brilliant smile, and starts to back toward the back of the stage where, hopefully, an exit will be found.

Either the crowd will need to demand him to strip off, boyo there will have to pull something off, or something unexpected may have to occur!

He probably hasn't seen her. Huruma doesn't sink down into her seat, though. She does, however, keep the glass obscuring her lower face, regardless of if she is drinking anything. Jaiden is Jaiden, even past the strangeness of his garb(why does he have the gun?), and though Huruma does not know him too well, she knows him well enough to mess with him.

The ladies at the front? They get a subtle press of various emotions; something lustful, that longing, that kind of nutty want that comes when a woman really wants something- like a man to take off his clothes.

Not a good time to be Jaiden, the back stage area is blocked off by two bouncers that just won't let a muddy vet pass. Pointing back to the stage one of the two bruisers' gruff voice rings through the music, "Make the customers happy, or the boss won't be happy. If the boss ain't happy… then you ain't gonna be happy." From the way the Aussie is manhandled and tossed back to those she-wolves, it's apparent he's not going to be let off that easy.

And I'm too sexy for your party

Too sexy for your party

No way I'm disco dancing

"What's that girls?" The DJ's voice comes over the speakers and a spotlight is shone right on Jaiden, following him whichever way he steps. Back and forth it zigzags, tracking him and not letting him out so easily. "I think this guy's saying he's just too sexy for you! What do you have to say about that?!"

There's a series of screams from the women in the audience, the younger man is just eating up all of the attention. Even joining them in the jeers of the larger man sharing the stage with him. "Take it off!" One woman screams. "Take it off! Take it off!" The single shout turns into a chant from the audience and as they get a little rowdier, things start being thrown up on the stage. Hitting Jaiden in the face, is a lacy red thong…

I'm a model you know what I mean

And I do my little turn on the catwalk

Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah

I do my little turn on the catwalk

Trying to escape the spotlight on a stage six feet wide is a futile gesture - a few steps here and bam, there's the light, a few steps there and bam, light again, pinning him like an insect to a foam board in a biology study hall. There's a bit of a sigh, a shrugging of the shoulders as he straightens, looking right into the light for a minute, back to the bouncers, and then to the crowd undulating around the stage.

"Allright, fine." Jaiden says this to himself more than anything, but loud enough for the ladies in the front row to hear him. After depositing his gun near the back of the stage (unloading it quickly and efficiently, safety on, takes less than 30 seconds) he stands and catches one arm beneath his poncho. "Fuck me sideways, here I go…" he mutters to himself before he spreads his arms, takes a striding step or two forward and leaps, swirling it up and around, almost like a matador's cape, twirling himself in a circle, showing the ladies that, yes, he's dressed in military fatigues in the style of Vietnam. The poncho is swirled once or twice and then off it goes into the back of the stage, near his pack but within grabbing distance of the ladies on the side of the stage, should they want a wet, muddy poncho. This leaves Jaiden in fatigues with mud-streaked cheeks and arms, giving him a very rugged look.

I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car

Too sexy by far

And I'm too sexy for my hat

Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that?

Jaiden's hat now comes off, tossed into the crowd. Luckily it's more of a battered akubra - nothing deadly like a helmet, but still, it probably gets a squeal from the lady or gay man who catches it. He starts to stride toward the front of the stage, taking little twists of his hips, over-emphasizing his biceps as he starts to unbutton his fatigues. One button - two buttons - three….then rip! Off it comes, showing a rather clean, rather simple white t-shirt beneath that emphasizes musculature rather nicely, even moreso in the throbbing lights and sound of the burlesque club. There's a quick thanks to Jesus when Jaiden recalls that he does in fact have a change of clothes in his backpack, so, what the hell…let's give 'em a show. He reaches up to the collar of his shirt and, with a heave, rips it down the front, showing off his rather well-developed chest and abs, his hips still rolling as he laces his fingers behind his head and tenses his torso, letting the ladies see what all there is to see.

Somehow Delia will hear of this. He knows she will, somehow. Either through him or one of the ladies here so, better make it a bloody good show!

There will never, ever be a day when Huruma thinks 'I'm too old for this.'. Ever.

Jaiden's dress itself is getting some scrutinizing, but there's really no reason to keep wondering why he's dressed like that when he starts to grind it off, piece by piece. Now, instead of sitting there hiding behind the rim of a glass, Huruma has apparently put the rest of it in her mouth, now sitting stock still at her lone table, staring ahead with deceptively calm brown contacts. Delia will hear of this, sure, but Huruma will no doubt decide to either underplay it- or overplay it, and tell her his grand story of her stripping boyfriend that looks just lovely covered in dirt.

The Australian isn't the only one that's buff, the nameless twentysomething guy packs quite a load for the ladies as well. When Jaiden starts to get into the spirit of the song and put on a show, the younger man just smirks and does another pec dance for the ladies closest to him. Let the old guy have a little fun for a bit, it's not going to change the outcome, at least according to the guy on stage that's dressed like a cop.

I'm a model you know what I mean

And I do my little turn on the catwalk

Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah

I shake my little tush on the catwalk

Spinning his back to the woman to the beat of the music, the younger man eases his slacks down just a little. Just enough for them to get a good peek at the derrier covered by nothing more than a bit of dental floss. It's glittery black, a perfect color for the lights on stage. He flexes those muscles, making his glutes leap in rapid succession. It's a little bit of a booty bounce for the ladies lucky enough to get close enough to reach out and touch it.

I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my

The first dollar gets tucked in.

Now the real competition begins.

Spinning on one toe, the nameless stripper faces the audience and eases his pants down to mid thigh, jumping just enough to let his assets hop for the girls. His arms come up and his fingers touch the back of his head lightly as he flexes his biceps now in the same little jog that did with his pecs and glutes. He winds his hips in a wide circle, his pants slowly sliding down for the screaming women. When they get to his knees, he steps out of them and kicks them off out into the crowd.

For an almost thirty-year old, Jaiden is keeping up rather well with the nameless twentysomething guy. His physique isn't gym-chiseled and waxed to a mirror sheen, he doesn't have tattoos or piercings - just scar on his right shoulder that looks like it could have been caused by a glancing bullet wound some time in the past and a few curls of hair between his pecs. It makes him look tough to some of the ladies who swoon at him as he shrugs the shirt off, posing in the spotlight for a moment, hands behind his head, hips twisting in time. The dancing pec trick is nice and it seems to get the ladies 'in to it' so Jaiden does the same, tensing his right, then his left, making them bounce slightly as he works on the buckle of his belt.

I'm too sexy for my cat, to sexy for my cat

poor pussy, poor pussy cat…

Jaiden pauses, hands working on the buckle of his belt, whipping it out toward the back, the metal buckle clanking against the stage as he puts on that brilliant smile of his, his own pecs and biceps flexing as his bangs fall to hide his eyes. He gives the girls (and Huruma, unknowingly) a glimpse inside his fatigues - the best way they can be described is a pair of boy shorts, but for men, with a bit of emphasis on the package area, before dancing back. The problem he has, though, is that his pants are actually pants, while nameless twentysomething guy is in breakaway pants, so Jaiden, being a boy scout, improvises.

In Jaiden's boot is a knife, shiny, with a black handle. Down his hand goes to snatch that knife and, with a quick motion that shows _exactly_ how sharp it is, his left pant leg is slashed from the top of his boot to very near his thigh, the entire leg cut away, revealing a very muscular thigh and calf that bounces to the beat. Another cut of the knife and the other pant leg is removed, leaving Jaiden in what can best be described as camo Daisy Dukes….but those? Those don't last nearly as long. Spinning to the side of the stage opposite nameless twentysomething guy, He kneels, knees spread and arches his back, hands going over his head, giving whoever's in the front row a fairly unobstructed view before his hands move down his torso to pull at the 'shorts,' tearing them off, leaving him only in his underwear….

Those underwear.

And if it's near Huruma, he doesn't know.

Wow. And he's not even drunk. Huruma, though still back from the stage, is tall enough to be able to see generally past whomever is crowing and crowding around ahead. The shorts are one thing, but when he rips them off, Huruma can feel her eyebrows lifting up, oh-so loftily on her head. Despite having just drank something, her mouth is feeling a little parched. Delia got lucky, didn't she? Jaiden hasn't seen her yet, as far as can be told; this is both good and bad. Good in that he can keep dancing up there, and bad in that if he does notice her here, it will be totally clear that she was watching and doing nothing to help him get out of the building unscathed. Unsscathed or disrobed, whichever works.

On another matter completely, now she has a story to tell people about her Halloween weekend.

Bills are being tucked everywhere. If there's a crevice or a place to put it, there's a bill in it. In varying amounts from singles to twenties both Jaiden and the younger man are pretty much raking in the dough. The nameless twentysomething is, at the moment, doing a lovely grind for a few of the women bouncing up and down in a booth. With his bottom lip gripped between his teeth, his eyes are closed as he's either really getting into the music or trying to forget the face of the woman who has her hand in his g-string. How is it fair that he was let off stage to do a lapdance but Jaiden wasn't allowed off beforehand?

Throwing a backward glance at the older man, the young one gives him a couple of thumbs up and tears himself away from the booth bouncing beauties. "Big finish man!!" he calls out and begins rotating his hips provocatively on the opposite side of the stage as the Australian, possibly blocking Huruma's view.

I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love

Love's going to leave me

Prophetic words, if the younger man had a girlfriend, she would probably be leaving him right now. He's pretty much shameless as he gets down onto the stage and tucks into a spin before breaking it off to lay on his side in front of yet another group. He's getting around, as much as he can.

And I'm too sexy for this song

Honestly, there are worse things to be doing than what Jaiden's doing now. Being an object of desire for a bar full of women and rustling when he gets to his feet, cash stuffed just about everywhere that it can fit is a new experience for Jaiden. He's got the right idea, basically. Show a little bit, get a lot of green in return. He gets to his feet after a few moments of gyration, crawling along the stage, handfuls of cash in each hand, bills poking out between his fingers, before he stands. They want a big finish?

Fine…a big finish they'll get.

Striding to the front of the stage, Jaiden gives a grin to the faceless crowd and turns his back to the crowd, thumbs hooking in the waistband of his underwear. With a quick flick of his wrists, the crowd gets a perfect view of Jaiden's nicely chiseled backside - and the front row can even tell if he has dimples in his cheeks or not. He's not gone the full monty but he's close….if nameless twentysomething guy feels the need to push it, Jaiden just might!

Jaiden getting precariously close to showing off his goodies somewhat snaps Huruma out of watching him, somehow- maybe it is the fact he can't do that here, and she'd rather not explain to Delia why she had to bail her naked boyfriend out of jail. Rather than wait to see if he slips into his personal undoing, Huruma puts her teeth to the back of her lips and lets out a shrill, smooth whistle.

The difference is that it isn't a wolf-whistle. It's one of those ever useful 'alert' whistles, and at least a couple of the women look over too, the abrupt noise quite jarring.

With the song over, the younger man gets up and gathers the bills he's been gifted with. He lost the clothes, but no matter, he's more than made up for the costume with what they pulled in. "Don't get too into it buddy, remember… We don't go all the way." Who knew the old guy had a bit of show off in him?

"Say, you an' me should do an act together or something. The chicks really seem to dig it… and you really seem to dig them. Whaddya say?" After he finishes gathering the last of the cash, he grabs his policeman's hat and doffs it. There's one young man in New York City that's going to get wasted tonight… because there's a whole booth full of girls that he needs to forget.

The whistle coming out from left field snaps Jaiden out of it, his buns going back into their cozy little oven as he grins at the crowd and at nameless twentysomething guy. "Nah, prob'ly won't do this much. Kind of a surprise that I did it this time, reckon. Thanks for the offer, though." He bends down to gather the cash that fell from his underwear, fistfuls of twenties, tens, fives and ones. He'll be fishing bills from his backside for the next few hours for certain!

"Thank you, ladies." He says with a smile and a wave, the spotlights on stage doing a wonderful job of bleaching out everyone to where the front row is the only thing that can be seen with any clarity. Huruma is left in the darkness, anonymous while jaiden walks back to his pack and stuffs the bills inside. Giving a look to the bouncers, as if to ask 'was that enough, was the boss happy?' he waits to see if he'll be allowed backstage to dress and go home to check on Delia. When he is, he vanishes. Hopefully they were the last act, because, let's face it, a cop and a soldier? that's a tough act to follow!

"I suppose this is our little secret then, isn't it?" Huruma mutters to herself, lips curling up and her hand going to smooth a palm over her forehead. Oh, goodness. Next time she sees him, there will be so many inside jokes that he will probably not understand until she winks or nudges him or something of that nature. Then there's if she should tell Delia or not- and luckily she probably won't. Huruma likes to know things that others do not. It is a point of pride.

She'll go soon as well, but only after a sobering cocktail.

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