This Responsibility



Scene Title This Responsibility
Synopsis In the form of a handwritten letter, Jac apologizes for one of many mistakes she's made.
Date September 30, 2020

Bay Ridge

Agent Bluthner-

I never properly thanked you for the opportunity you gave me. A year ago, more than a year ago now I guess, it was a dream I never knew I had. I never expected to be recognized and awarded an internship.

In this farewell

I never would have imagined that I, out of anyone, could be chosen for a position anywhere within the government.

There's no blood, there's no alibi

It was my greatest honor and privilege to both accept the offer and be accepted into the program.

Losing the opportunity to be part of SESA has been crushing.

'Cause I've drawn regret

I made choices without even knowing what they would cost me.

From the truth of a thousand lies

But what hurts even more than everything I lost is knowing that my choices affected others too. And not just those closest to me.

So let mercy come and wash away

I’m sorry that I put so much at risk. It was childish to think the worst that could happen would only be to me. I should have listened to everyone who has more experience instead of holding onto the lies I was being fed.

What I've done

I’ll face myself to cross out what I've become

Erase myself

And let go of what I've done

Most of all, I'm especially sorry for the bad position it put you in and for not considering how my choices would reflect on you with your superiors.

Put to rest what you thought of me

I never meant to cause problems for anyone, or make you doubt your trust in me.

While I clean this slate

I know that it was a huge risk you took when you chose me for the program. I was barely more than a kid with no background and almost no education.

With the hands of uncertainty

I probably wouldn't have picked me. I'm sorry for taking your trust for granted.

So let mercy come and wash away

What I've done

I wish I could show you right now today that you weren't wrong about me.

I'll face myself to cross out what I've become

Even though I have even less to show for myself, and probably nothing to show that I could be trusted with that responsibility again.

Erase myself

I understand it's going to take a lot of time and work for me to rebuild that trust.

And let go of what I've done

For what I've done

I start again

I hope you'll be willing to give me that chance one day.

And whatever pain may come

Jac “Sqks” Childs

Bay Ridge - Rhys Bluthner’s residence

September 30, 2020

10:23 am

The residential street has quieted since the bustle of morning commute has drawn to a stop. Now the only people outside are the rare caregiver with small kids in tow, the occasional courier or errand runner, and Jac Childs. While the others in the world around her continue with their daily lives, she pauses in front of a door she's stopped at only once or twice ever. The door to Rhys Bluthner’s house.

Her hand raises, less than half way to knocking, while her blue eyes study the door. Instead of reaching out, though, her hand goes to her pocket and withdraws a slightly crumpled but hand addressed envelope.

A look darts to the window just aside from the door. Jac takes a half step forward and flips open the brass cover to the mail slot.

Today this ends

She hesitates in pushing the letter into the slot. Her eyes drop, and for a second the world goes blurry. A man once told her that it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission, but no one ever said how much it would hurt.

I'm forgiving what I've done

Especially when she's still struggling with forgiving herself.

I'll face myself to cross out what I've become

Jac closes her eyes, the tears that hazed her vision falling unchallenged onto the stoop. Without looking, her hands slide the letter through the slot and slowly let the brass cover close.

The teen takes a breath and steps back once, twice, turning when she reaches the edge of the stoop. Her head comes up only when she steps off the property and returns to the sidewalk.

Erase myself

Shoving her hands into her pockets, she follows the sidewalk as it leads from the house. Her head swivels back at the first crossroads, as she turns to reconnect with the bus line. But after a beat, Jac continues, becoming just another face in the sparse crowd.

And let go of what I've done

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