Vigilantes Deliver Staten Island Criminals

A female news anchor clears her throat and folds her hands as the graphic of a ski mask and a red bow around it appears to the left of her head. "In recent weeks there have been a series of robberies in which the assailants would simply slip back into Staten Island, beyond the reach of the NYPD. But now, thanks to a group of altruists known simply as The Locos," Oh yes, this is definitely 'spin'. "The assailants have been captured and charged with six counts of armed robbery and one count of grand theft auto. The assailants were left in front of a police station, seemingly delirious. Police say the men had to have their stomachs pumped due to ingesting a dangerous amount of Nyquil."

The woman briefly looks to someone off camera with a kind of 'wtf' look, then turns back to the camera. "The men were all handcuffed to a pole outside of the station, with large red gift ribbons tied around their bodies. There was a note attached to one of their bodies, saying, "To: The NYPD, With Love: The Locos". Once the men were moved, it appeared to trigger some sort of tape recording hidden on one of their bodies, loudly playing 'Mr. Blue Sky' by "The Electric Light Orchestra."

The woman straightens her papers, as if making sure she's reading it correctly, then adds, "The Chief of Police warns that while the aid is appreciated, vigilantism is in no way encouraged and is very dangerous. We'll keep you updated as more details are released."

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