Participants:
| Scene Title | We'll Get There Someday |
|---|---|
| Synopsis | One woman is selfishly scared while another puts on a brave face. Which is which might be unexpected. |
| Date | April 13, 2011 |
Village Renaissance Building: Elaine and Quinn's Flat
It's always a hard thing, waking up from a dream. Well, one of those dreams. Each one, though had been getting increasingly personal. This one was another one that left things bittersweet. A future that could never be? A daughter she'd never have?
That doesn't sit well with Elaine. As her eyes flutter open, she rolls over, facing away from Quinn for a moment. She doesn't know if the other woman had the dream, but for the moment, that doesn't matter. She curls in, almost in a fetal position, tears streaming down her cheeks. If Quinn's still asleep, she doesn't want to wake her up with sobs.
Quinn did have that dream. That dream where she gave a violin to a beautiful baby girl, one belonging to Elaine and Sable. Again, she's been faced with a future she just knows is impossible. And once more her heart just sinks in her chest. But the sadness this time, it's different, in many ways. Her eyes don't flutter open. Instead they clench shut, hands grabbing at the sheets and bunching them in her palm.
There's a tear at her eye too, a small one. A hand rises to wipe it away, before she lets out a stuttered sigh. This has become far to common for her liking, and it's only when she makes a glance over to Elaine that she sees the woman turned away, outline curled up. Her brow furrows, and there's a moment of hesitation before she reaches out, a hand placed on her fiancée’s shoulder.
Elaine can't help but notice Quinn's awake when she feels the touch on her shoulder. The light touch, though, sets off a domino of tears, the redhead bursting into a fit of sobs. Her first instinct is to pull away, to just run, but that feeling passes, and she turns over. She slides her arms around Quinn, pulling her in close as her sobs continue.
Elaine bursting into sobs does little to keep Quinn from crying, though she doesn't do so nearly as emotionally as Elaine, a simple trail of tears forming down her cheek as she pulls the other woman close, her head placed against the Irishwoman's shoulder. In truth, her first instinct had been to run too. To just… not be able to handle it, to run away to the studio or something without checking to see if Elaine was awake.
It seems, for the moment, better sense has won out as she laces fingers into red hair, silently trying to comfort the other woman.
The redhead isn't going to let go. Running's not an option for Quinn now unless she forcibly pulls herself from Elaine's tight grip. "Don't leave me," she sobs. "Don't let this hurt you as much as it hurts me. I-I just don't want to lose you…"
This is something Quinn has no intention of doing now that she has Elaine clinging to her, sobbing. She shakes her head, fingers scratching at the back of Elaine's head. "Ssshhhh," is all she offers initially, holding her close. "I-I'm not goin' anywhere." Not at the moment, at least. "Just… let it out, dear." Advice Quinn herself isn't following; but it wasn't her daughter in that dream.
Actually, that would be part of the problem, wouldn't it? Still, she kisses Elaine's forehead, sniffling a bit.
"Don't go anywhere," Elaine says again, her arms tightening as she buries her face into Quinn's neck. "God, what do I do? She's not even going to be born now. B-But… that was Adel…" She sobs. "Is that why these dreams are happening?"
That was Adel wasn't something Quinn had put together yet. She had been too busy selfishly being sad that it wasn't her in Sable's position. And her eyes wide, her grip on Elaine noticeably loosening for a moment. She's just sort of - stunned. But she's right. Lady Adel. Bò Bò. Good lord. Her fingers dig a bit into Elaine's skin in a moment of frustration, before she exhales with a bit on an unsettled laugh.
"Feckin' time bullshit," is whispered, not really meant for Elaine to hear but easy for her to catch. "I-I don't.. know, Elaine. I-if that was Adel, I- Fuck, why is she here? I-" She clenches her jaw a bit. "I guess it is." A pause. "I don't know if there's anythin' we… God, I don't know."
"The little cow, the Gaelic name… it just… her name was Adel, Robyn, and she was mine… she was my little girl… I had a little girl," Elaine sobs, her arms not loosening a bit. She's holding on for dear life, as if letting go would make her lose it entirely. "I don't know, maybe because there's something they're stopping or fixing or…" She swallows hard.
"I want a kid. I want to be married and have a kid and have birthday's with icing all over my dress and I want you there but it kills me that that isn't there because of it. Is Adel just going to… j-just going to go away? Because I like her."
Quinn swallows audibly, her arms trembling a bit. "Christ. You t-think there's more?" Oh, if only Quinn knew. "I- maybe… they're doin' somethin' like what we did. Only the opposite." A deep breath, Quinn placing a kiss on Elaine's forehead. "I-I wouldn't blame them. Not with what we've seen, but… fuck," Quinn intones again, closing her eyes. "Why the band?" Ignoring the simple fact that maybe Adel just wants to be with her parents.
A long moment, Quinn's hand silently stroking through Elaine's hair. "If she was going t' go away, I think… it would've happened by now. I mean… that dream… Lucy and Mala… so much is different. But you can still have all of that stuff, Elaine."
"Maybe they are. I mean, it has to be something like that. It's not just us with these dreams. So maybe there are more. More people doing this… we can ask Adel. We can ask her. It's not like she's not around. We'll ask and find out, I just…" Elaine lets out a deep sigh.
"If you had the chance to save people you cared about, wouldn't you do that? I went and I saved Sable's life, once upon a time. I would have done the same for you. What's to say that they didn't do that to help us… to make sure we'd be okay because they care about us?" She wipes her eyes. "I know, I do want all that stuff but it just feels like… I don't know. I can't get her face out of my head."
Elaine has Quinn there, the Irishwoman stiffening a bit. Wiping her eyes against Elaine's head, she lets out a long sigh. "Yeah… I would, but… I… I don't know. I hate this shit. It hurts. It's confusin'. It…" Quinn's hands tighten again on Elaine, her jaw clenching. "I… I think you an' Sable should go talk t' her. I-it's not my place, yet." And Quinn won't admit it, but she's scared too. Elaine, of all people, can probably hear it in her voice, though.
Her forehead rests against the top of Elaine's head, holding the other woman. "God, I wonder if that's why she never brings her friends around," Quinn comments with a bit of a laugh, shaking her head. "Despite that I've asked her to before. Christ…"
"Like hell it's not your place, Robyn," Elaine protests, arms tightening again as she squeezes her. "We're engaged now, and your place is at my side. I think I'd fall apart without you and Sable's not in a relationship with me. She's not gonna be able to support me in something scary like this. I can invite Adel to come here and you can be here because I need you. I need you to make everything okay, because you do whenever you're around."
Quinn winces a bit, reflexively. She can't help it. The thought of talking to Adel now very much scares her a little. "I… don't feel like it is," Quinn says quietly. "She's not my daughter. I don't feel like I should be there, for that." There's a noticeable sadness to her voice, Quinn shaking her head a moment afterwords. "But… if you want me t' come, I will. I want t' be there for you. I love you, dear. She an' no one else is going t' change that."
The offer to be there at the end feels tacked on, to Elaine. She hears 'she's not my daughter' and how Quinn doesn't feel like it's her place and her arms loosen. "I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do, Robyn. If you don't want to be there you don't have to. I'll do it alone."
There is silence from Quinn. Contemplative silence, meant to be just seconds brief, but stretching into a minute that feels more like an eternity. "I'm scared," Quinn says quietly. "She's… your daughter. Yours an' Sable's, if I heard right. An' Magnes? I don't-" She pauses. No, wait, that means perfect sense. "I'm scared what she's going t' think about us bein' t'gether. After everythin' else we've seen…us bein' engaged…"
With Elaine's arms loosened, it enables Quinn to lean back enough that she can lower a hand beneath Elaine's chin, lifting her head up so that their eyes lock. "I'm scared she's going t' be unhappy with us. Sad. Because… you know. An' I'm scared… I'm going t' look at her an' just think of that." Which, of course, she is sure Elaine is scared of too. "But I love you, Elaine. I want t' be there for you. I'm not going t' make you do that alone. Not if you want me there for you. I care for you too much for that." She just might be a little awkward the entire time.
"Does it matter what she thinks? You were there. You were in my life even then, even if it wasn't us together. She has to know things are different… and I don't think she's gonna hate you. Or me. I-" Elaine starts, but she stops after a long moment, listening to Quinn's words and she lets her arms slack. "That's all you see when you look at her, Robyn? Not you?"
"Why-" Quinn tilts her head a bit as she looks at Elaine. "I don't understand…" And with the arms slacking further, now she feels like retreating again. Like she did something wrong. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean- it's just-" She takes a deep breath. "You know how I feel about all of this. Knowing who she is, it- it's weird. I- because she's my friend, an'-" Quinn cuts herself off, trying to retighten her grip around Elaine. "I mean it when I say I love you Elaine. An' I want you in my life forever. That's all that matters. It's just so strange t' know we have a person form another life with different expectations around…"
Elaine looks back at her, reaching her hands up to rest on Quinn's shoulders. "I know, but… I don't want you to leave me. I don't want you to back off or feel bad or whatever… and Adel is a good person. She came and she was our friend before anything else. It.. it'll feel different, yes, but she's still our friend. She still wants us happy." She shuts her eyes. "I hate that somehow it's like she can't be a part of things."
Quinn's eyes close slowly, before she leans down, attempting to place a soft, tender kiss on Elaine's lips. "I'm not going t' leave you," she says gently, resting her head against Elaine's. "I know she is. I don't doubt that. That's… what makes it so weird, honestly. If she wasn't, you know, end of story. I wouldn't care. I don't care, I guess. It's just- awkward." A pause. "I mean, lord, I know it's going t' be awkward for you, too. I don't know. I'm just… bein' selfish. I'm sorry."
"Robyn, when it comes down to it… just because she was raised by me and Sable doesn't mean things are always gonna be like that now. If… if we want a kid, we can have her. As ours someday. It can happen differently," Elaine murmurs, then looks back to Quinn. "You just gotta… take it in stride. Just understand we've got each other and go from there, one step at a time…"
"You're so much better at this than I am," Quinn whispers, now the one holding on tight to Elaine, instead of the other way around. "Handling it, that is. But I know it doesn't change anythin'. Lord, I don't want it t'." She hugs tight, kissing at the top of Elaine's head. "I'm sorry for bein' selfish. I'll come with you. Just.. forgive me if I'm a little quiet."
"You don't have to talk, not at all… I just want you there. I want you to support me and be there and remind me all of what I'm fighting for," Elaine murmurs. "You're what I'm fighting for… and this is all fucking hard. It's weird… I just… I just want to have everything work."
Finally, a smile, however small, dawns on Quinn's face at that comment. You're what I'm fighting for. "I'll be there with you, for you," she responds quietly, before leaning in for another kiss. "We'll make it work. Hopefully… she won't make it hard. I'll try my best not t' let her make it hard." Which in and itself will be hard, but Quinn's willing to try. "For you." Pressing Elaine's head back against her shoulder, falling silent.
Elaine's eyes shut, burying her face against her shoulder. "I don't think she's going to make it hard. I don't think she's trying to cause trouble, Robyn, I think she just… she's here for something, but it isn't to break us up. We're sticking together. And even if things have changed… she could still be born. Sable helped raise her, sure, but it was Magnes that supplied the other half of the chromosomes."
Quinn intends to note that she doesn't think anyone's there to break them up. Explicitly, at least. Things just might be awkward. But the mention of Magnes supplying the other chromosome gives Quinn a moment pause. Like that hadn't settled in, even though she acknowledged this fact earlier. And after a moment, of all things Robyn Quinn could do?
She laughs.
"I guess… we'll have t' keep that in mind when we're ready t' take that step," she replies quietly, still smiling. Really, the idea of Magnes as biological father might make her cringe a little, but… "I mean… who else could we trust for that? Look what he gave the world already."
There's a wide grin, and Elaine leans in to kiss Quinn lightly before her face goes back to her shoulder. "I trust him. Plus he'd love to have the opportunity to help make a baby. And you'd only have to be jealous for a short period of time." She pulls Quinn close. "Really, he's got good genes, I think… he's cute and he really is smart when he's not being stupid. He's go intelligence, at least…" A pause. "And anyways, you know it won't get complicated legally if we're all willing… no adoptions, no messy procedures…" There's a sudden laugh. "We aren't even married yet."
"I don't think this is somethin' we have t' worry about rushin' int', Elaine," Quinn says a bit dryly, the previous conversation dashed aside for a moment. "So… I mean, no harm in talkin'. I just hope being trouble isn't genetic." Might explain a lot, if it is. "But… yeah. Let's… save this discussion for another time." Not that they can be blamed for it coming up. Instead, she holds Elaine tight again. "God. You have a daughter," the bit of awe from the beginning of the conversation back in her voice. "I… the next few days are going t' be so weird."
"Aren't they always weird?" Elaine questions, but she buries her face in harder against Quinn. "A daughter… a beautiful, healthy little girl… marriage and a family. It's all I could ever ask for. I was happy. I just… I want to get to that point. I'd love to get to that point. I just want to be happy and stay happy… and these dreams make it hard because I am happy."
"We'll get there someday," Quinn replies comforting. "Christ, love, if we can get past this, I think we can get past anything short of…" And she trails of from saying death, because she's not even remotely going to entertain that idea. "You're happy. I'm happy. That's what matters… we can make it last…" She thinks to make a comment on Adel not being a little girl, not the one they know. But considering that it still makes her tense, she can't get it out.
Elaine whimpers softly against the side of Quinn's neck, just hugging her closely. "J-Just promise me again you won't leave… that no matter what happens I'm yours and you're mine and you aren't leaving, you aren't giving up on me and having second thoughts. Please don't have second thoughts."
"I won't leave you," is a quick promise. "Scared… scared doesn't mean doubt. Even if she was upset, even if I did feel awkward every time I was around her, I wouldn't let that tear us apart." Quinn's reassurance is gentle, punctuated with a nuzzle and a hand on Elaine's cheek. "We're past that." Which, unfortunately, implies that there might have been second thoughts at one point, and Quinn would even say when. That doesn't mean they were entertained very long. "I love you, Elaine Darrow. Dearly. Don't doubt that."
Elaine nods a little, fingers tracing up into Quinn's hair. "Good. I'm not letting you go. I just… it scares me to think you might just back off. I'm staying with you. Unless someone drags me away, kicking and screaming, you're right here with me."
"Alright. Just… go back to sleep, dear. We'll… decide how t' handle this in the morning. An' if you need t' cry anymore about it, just do it." Quinn sucks in a deep breath, closing her eyes as she holds the younger woman close. "I'll be here for you. I promise."