Participants:
| Scene Title | Weary Widow |
|---|---|
| Synopsis | On tired and somber evening, Yana offers up some explanation of how things are. Defenses are still pretty high. |
| Date | March 28 |
Yana's Apartment
Early in the evening, Magnes has removed his suit jacket, simply wearing a buttoned up white shirt, some jeans, and the brown leather shoes he often wears with Elvira. The massage table is set up, and he has a few oils with two vanilla scented candles on her coffee table, both on small metallic trays of course.
"I've been doing a lot of reading on massages. Now, I know what you're thinking 'Did he forget how I feel about touching'? But no, that's not true at all." He crosses his arms, staring down at the table. "I just wanted to set up the atmosphere, dim lights and all, and then I wanted to see if maybe you'd give me a chance to prove myself after I was done. I've been thinking about what I did wrong a lot, and while I can't take it back, I have been trying to improve myself in little ways, and get more skills to make your life more pleasant."
It had been a somber evening for Yana to where she didn't really want to think about much other than her cup of tea, and whatever music is playing from her entertainment system. She has been expending her power a little more than usual lately in breaking down the elements of her new virus. Cillian has been a rather shy boy for her and doesn't easily open up. She can relate. The state she is in is about as close to ill as Magnes might see her, wrapped in her comfortable fur lined robe, with her hair let down and the room quite a bit dim.
"You've caught me in a bit of an unnatural state. I don't usually get this tired, so I'll admit to being a little less guarded than normal. Probably not unguarded enough to break my barrier of physical contact resistance. But.." she sighs, "I can at least share with you why I am so apprehensive about touching." she pulls her robe more onto her shoulders, her legs stretched out along the couch. "It's a psychological thing, mostly. One that propagates upon itself and continues going on like a Mobius strip. While I have confidence in the control of my ability, there is still a very small chance that I could slip, and introduce one.. or all of my viruses into someone's system. I am concerned about being startled and letting my power activate. And because I am concerned about it, I am funny about being touched. And I'm funny about being touched because etc, etc.."
"Elvira…" Magnes walks over to sit on the edge of the couch, his gravity control allowing him to avoid affecting the rest of the couch from his little position. "I can understand why you'd feel that way about most people, but hypothetically speaking with me, if you did release one or all of your viruses into my system, I know you could fix it. And even if you couldn't…" He looks down for a moment, then raises a hand as if to touch her cheek, but he only keeps it a bit less than an inch from her skin. "It would be worth it to touch you, any price would be worth it…"
"Mm." she nods, "I could fix it. Though I would still have done it, which means I would have failed to maintain control. Perhaps you'll understand that it is one of the worst things that I could fathom happening for me. I consider myself a patient person. Both logical and sensible. There are extremes to which people take irrational feelings, which I am sure you know are called phobias. Phobias are generally a silly notion to me, which is why I lack them as a whole. However, that being said.. I despise personal failure. To the degree of being unaccepting of certain things. Touching being one of them." she explains it in a roundabout way, not actually saying it straightforward this time. Far be it from her to utter the words that she has a fear of failure, much-less anything else. "This is why I think about things in depth before acting."
It is probably safe to mention that she has been favoring her hand as well, which is wrapped in a bandage, right now, obviously injured. As he moves to touch her, especially about the face, Yana looks quite apprehensive, very standoffish.
"Elvira, I'll never consider you a failure, ever, I don't want you to see me as the kind of person who would ever think badly of you. If someone speaks poorly of you then I'll tell them what I think and promptly defend you, I don't care if what they say is true or not, the point is that I won't let anyone speak ill of you, Elvira." Magnes knows that she's apprehensive, and only touches her cheek with the very tips of his fingers. "I would never think ill of you. Do it… infect me, with the viruses in your body. I want you to infect me while I'm talking to you so that you don't have to worry anymore. You can take them out before I leave."
"Of course you won't. But that isn't the problem. It is a psychological stack of dominoes that trails back to my father. Much like you, having acceptance issues with your father, I have mine. Only, I am not trying to get him to accept me. I am trying to keep him continuing to accept me. Failure in my father's eyes is unacceptable. I will have no part of it." These are things that she would normally not share with anyone but Christopher during their morning talks. She must be quite weary to let herself extend an explanation for her actions. In some very offbeat way, it is like an apology for being the way she is. She would never ever come out and say it, but reading inbetween the lines that she draws is a trait that is useful to pick up.
His request has her frowning, "What? No, are you daft? Rabies, H5N10 and H1N1? All at once? Regardless as to if I could remove it or not, there is a chance with one of them that I won't be able to stop it from shutting down your ability. The other two, much more controlled, but that is still a request you should not make. You have no idea how fortunate you have been." she peers a little, wondering if she should say what she had been holding back, "I wasn't.. entirely truthful about Gregori. I did in fact, at the time, have the power to cure him. I could very well have remove the West Nile from his system and let him recover. But I didn't. I fact—" Yana leaves the sentence unfinished, letting the more morbid part of it go unsaid.
"I see…" Magnes allows his fingers to trail down her cheek, then the hand stops on her shoulder. "Elvira, I think your ability may have an affect on your mind, I've noticed some similarities between you and Gabriel. You're not a serial killer of course, but your ability seems to give you certain compulsions, and merges into your personality."
He closes his eyes, shakes his head, and opens them again to lock eyes with her. "It could be argued that you have more control now, what happened to your husband may not have completely been your fault…" He scoots a little closer, though still avoids bumping into her. "Seeing your similarities, I know there's some measure of danger with you, but I don't care. You say you don't want me to go out and take stupid risks, so just let me take stupid risks with you…"
So, he did notice. She has been aware of this fact for a while yet, a separation of morals and non into a different side of herself. Like putting on a mask and playing another part. And the truth is, it isn't something that she actually struggles with. She isn't fighting it, she is at peace with the situation. "You're right. It really began with my initial drive to gain control over my ability. My mother was sick, with the end result being that she would die from what I had seen, so I struggled to overpower her illness and succeeded. After that, I wanted more. The ambition grew the more I obtained. Eventually, my desires became far too large for just one me. The confliction of wrong and right was a battle I didn't want to wage, so I divided certain things and forged a line. This me cannot cross over into the other's territory, no matter what." she shrugs a little, at peace with her decision.
As he looks her in the eye and mentions that what happened wasn't her fault. Yana just pushes her lips together tight, the corner of her mouth twisting into a little smile of non-verbal admission. She won't say it, but… it's likely true. "I loved Gregori dearly, make no mistake. Having a husband however, with expectations such as his held me back in some ways. Even though his estate and net worth were sizeable enough that I would be foolish to divorce him." Which means, he was more useful dead. "There was a line that the emotional me couldn't cross. My necessities existed on the other side of the line. Needless to say, his expiration could have been stopped. But that wasn't what I needed." It has to mean something if she is admitting this much to him. Both a warning and an example of how fortunate he is to even still be sitting here with her now.
"I don't want you taking stupid risks period. With me, or with anything else. The key word is stupid. I have no time or place for stupid people in my world."
"I see… so a part of you handles the tough moral decisions… I've done enough morally questionable things to understand how the need could arise. I'm not saying I agree with your husband's death, just that I understand your psychological situation." Magnes reaches down to take her unbandaged hand very gently. "I understand, I try my best to think through every action. But you know that all you've told me hasn't scared me away, I still want you the same that I have before. I had to come to terms with much of what you told me while getting to know Gabriel, so I guess it's less of a shock than if I would have met you first…"
He lifts her hand slightly, a thumb resting on the back of it. "I know that nothing changes over night, but I still want to be the person who doesn't make you worry, the person who can hold your hand without the fear of failure, because none of those things matter to me. I enjoy myself with you, I can see the good in you, and you've just been born into something rather unfortunate, but something I can live with. You said you'd never feel anything for me, but you don't have to, maybe you can't. I can do enough feeling for both of us."
"You have Yana, or Elvira if you will.. who is much of who you see on a general basis. Incomplete, but if I were to have anything remotely resembling normal emotions, she would have them. Blite, my given name.. Dr. Blite to be exact. The part that does what needs to be done when it comes to scientific exploits. I wouldn't want to have it mistaken for dissociative identity disorder, because it isn't. It's a division of personality. What I like to consider to be a step in perfecting myself. Others may of course believe otherwise, but they don't matter when it comes to that. I'm sharing this with you now, because once I've gotten some rest, I won't have a small merge of the two as I do right at this moment."
A breath is taken and a large sigh is released from her, "I know that you do, Magnes. However, I am not entirely sure that I can actually fulfill those desires. Though I can at least permit you to have them. So long as there is no interference with the way things are. That being said, I believe it is time for me to retire for the evening. Work comes early tomorrow, and I should be getting to bed." she rises from her seat, "However, I suggest that you learn to waltz. The annual ball where I met Gregori is coming up soon, and I always attend. It is possible that I may need someone else to take me. I haven't decided yet."
"I'll learn, Elvira. And I don't know what you can or can't fulfill, but you do make me happy with the way things are." Magnes stands up with her, reaching for her hand again. "Before you go to bed, while I know how you feel about it… could I try to kiss you just this once? I'm only requesting, because I really want to…"
She cannot deny that he is putting forth an effort in even asking for something like that. Usually she would just give him her response with no further explanation, and in a very direct way. "No, I'm afraid now. That is of course a step too far, I'm not quite that weary as to permit that. Though, if you have read the book that I gave you, you should know the proper way to enter and depart a lady's company, with the proper queues?" Any by that she means to raise her arm, extended with her palm down.
"Of course, Elvira." Magnes takes her hand, gently squeezing her fingers, then bows at the waist to press his lips carefully to her skin. He only raises his head slightly, watching as he waits for her to take her hand back. "I truly do enjoy our relationship."