You've Got The Love


elaine2_icon.gif quinn3_icon.gif

Scene Title You've Got The Love
Synopsis Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air / I know I can count on you / Sometimes I feel like saying "Lord I just don't care" / But you've got the love I need to see me through - Following another prophetic dream, two women have a long discussion on fear and the future, and a decision equal parts wanted and rash is made.
Date April 06, 2011

Village Renaissance Building: Elaine and Quinn's Flat

When Quinn awakens, it is not with a start as she has been wont to do in the past. She stirs slowly, eyes slowly opening as she looks up into the darkness above her. The lack of being startled awake this time only makes her unsure of what happened for a brief moment, blinking as shes tares up at blackness tempered by streetlight filtering in through the apartment window.

But then the realisation hits her. She should be used tot his by now, and yet she continues to be caught off guard. Eyes widening she sits up, still for several moments before she urns, feet swining out and on to the floor below. Eyes half lidded, she tiredly stumbles her way out of her room and towards the kitchen, almost tripping over Inger where she sleeps beside the sofa.

Silent all the to the cabinet, a crystal tumbler is pulled down, moments later a bottle of whiskey retrieve. Both moved to the kitchen table, set down and poured, the glass full of dark alcohol, It sits,s till as the night. It never lifts up to Quinn's mouth, though. Instead, the woman just leans forward, a hand over her eyes.

Sometimes, making you own future feels so hard.

And that's all she can really think about at the moment, as tears form in the corners of her eyes and slip through the cracks of her finger. A few even drop down into her drink. The future. She's trying not to sob, not to break out crying even llouder, for fear of waking Elaine.


First she dreams of marrying Sable, and Quinn… now she sees herself with Ygraine. Possibly gaining a daughter. Christ, how can something that's so wrong feel so right? Is this how her girlfriend felt just the other night?

Resting on the table, her free hand curls into a fist, and Quinn has to fight the urge to sweep it out and angrily send the glass off the table and crashing to the carpet. She doesn't speak, she just sits there, alternating between crying and seething. To her, this isn't fair. Not right after it seems like things were finally sorted out. Taking a deep breath, she chokes out a bit of a sob as she finally picks up her drink, swallowing back the whole thing in two gulps. It burns, but it makes for a good distraction. Now, to decide if to have more, or head back to the bedroom…

Quinn doesn't get that option, however. Feet padding softly across the floor, Elaine folds her arms over her chest to keep them warm as she blinks drowsily over in Quinn's direction. So much for not waking her.

"Robyn?" Elaine asks, voice soft. Concerned. It's likely from the proximity of her own dream. She's sure that the Irishwoman is just up to get water, but… her own fears just overtake her as she slowly heads closer, but freezes a few feet away. Cautious.
The redhead heads in close, reaching and taking Quinn's hand as she looks at her intently. She moves to pull a chair over with her free hand, sitting down in it and facing Quinn. "What's wrong? D-Did…" She doesn't finish her sentence.

"I love you," is the very first thing that comes out of Quinn's mouth. "Just you," she continues, echoing the conversation the day before. She squeezes Elaine's hand, fingers curling into hers. The bottle, still in her other hand, tips and pours more of its contents into the glass. "I… yeah." She knows what Elaine's asking. She doesn't have to elaborate. What she does have to elaborate, though… "Tasha was there." A beat. "So was Ygraine."

Elaine's free hand snatches the glass from Quinn—and she promptly swallows a long sip before pushing it back towards Quinn. The hand is squeezed tightly, the redhead's brow furrowed as she watches Quinn's face. "Were you… I mean, she and you were…"

Well, Quinn had been planning to offer the glass over to Elaine. What does she do? She takes an ill-advised gulp straight from the bottle, as if it were beer or soda. She regrets it, coughing a bit once it's swallowed down. But the bottle is released, her hand wiping back again at her eyes. "I-I'm… pretty sure…" Quinn takes a deep breath, looking down at Elaine's hand. "Y-Yes…"

She exhales slowly, shaking her head. "An' Jesus, I must've been feckin' fifty or somethin'. All of us, we looked so… old." Her voice continues to be soft, barely drifting past her and Elaine. Even Inger doesn't seem to notice as she walks towards the kitchen to do God knows what.

Elaine's eyes watch the cat retreat to the kitchen, but they slowly look back to Quinn. Almost like she's unsure of looking back at Quinn. "Then you live a good long time and you're happy with her." She murmurs.

Quinn freezes again, shaking her head. "No. We already talked about this. It's impossible," she keeps telling herself. "B-But…" Yes, there's a but. "That's- that's not what my dream was about. Not like… yours was about the wedding."

And in that moment, Quinn regrets saying something, her jaw clenching a bit. But… she has to be honest. Elaine was with her, and it would be disrespectful of her girlfriend anyway not to be. "Tasha an' I… We… I think something had just happened. We were bringing back news for a little girl." Quinn sniffles, shaking her head. "God, I don't think she was older than, like… her early teens. We had a box of her stuff, burned an' dirty. We…. we were there t' tell her we couldn't find her mother or brother." Quinn head hangs. "And she was so sad. So unsure of where her place in the world was now." A pause, and Quinn bites her lip. "So… so she asked to stay with me and Ygraine."

Elaine might have been okay with Ygraine and Quinn in some future life. That she understands. But some little girl, some orphaned girl, and Quinn and Ygraine taking her in? Some happy life. The redhead releases Quinn's hand for a minute. "I…" She swallows hard. "I.."

Having her hand released at first makes Quinn shake a bit, her hand trying to recapture Elaine's. "P-Please don't, Elaine. It's… it's just like your dream. It's impossible now. Right?" And she immediately regrets forming it like a question, her eyes rising back up and looking into Elaine's, if she can capture her gaze. "I… I know how you felt now. How… weird and conflicting it is. I-I'm sorry. I-I…" She trails off, not sure what to say next. Except… "I love you. We already went through this once. The doubt. Please… please, let's not again."

"You had a child to take care of. A child. Do you know what I would have given to have a home like that when I was a child?" Elaine winces, eyes shutting. "Now what I'm doing is going against these dreams and denying that child somewhere to go. M-Maybe that child doesn't even get to survive, now."

Her hand shakes again, Quinn peering at Elaine. "F-For all we know her parents aren't going t' die anymore," she says quietly." A cough and a clearing of her throat interrupt her attempt to talk, Quinn sliding the alcohol aside. She knows how she gets when she has too much, and this is exactly when she doesn't need to get more over emotional.

"I thought we decided," she says quietly. "We're going t' make our own future. This has already changed, right? It's impossible! Christ, I was an old woman, Elaine, for all we know, maybe you have a kid." Oh, Quinn. Why do you never think before you speak? She freezes when she speak those words, for a moment. But rather than back down, she continues. "This… it's too different."

The truth is, all of this hurts. All of it. And it hurts her to think about that girl she just saw. But they've talked about this. And Quinn is determined, now, not to let these dreams mess them

Elaine grips Quinn's hand tightly, trying hard not to just… cry. "You still want to be with me? After all this, where you've seen what it is like? You could still have that life. I-I can't have mine, but… your isn't out of reach, if you wanted that." She stifles a sob. "I just want a life! All I want to do is get married and be happy and raise a child and that's all I want, I don't care what else happens, it's all I want…"

Quinn's eyes close half way, looking down at their joined hands."Whatever this future is… it's just like you marryin' Sable, Elaine. It… I love you. Ygraine an' I aren't t'gether anymore." She lets out a long sigh, thinking how to pick her words carefully. "It's nice, t' think about. Bein' married. Takin' in a girl. I've always wanted t' get married. You know, traditional like, I don't care what anyone says. An' I told myself, by the time I left Gun Hill… if I ever have children, I would love to adopt." Her gaze lifts back up, while her foot hooks on the legs of Elaine's chair, pulling it closer. "But there's nothin' saying we can't have that life, Elaine. I would love that life with you."

The redhead looks back at Quinn, free hand wiping away tears that were starting to fall. "I know. I know you would, Quinn. I just… it all feels like the whole universe doesn't want us together and I hate it." She murmurs.

"I know, Elaine…" Quinn says quietly, still looking ahead at her girlfriend. "God, I know. But I-I don't… I don't want t' bank on stuff that may not happen anymore. I don't want t' waste my life like that. I mean… it hurts knowin' that sometime, you were going t' marry Sable. An' that I… was still going t' be with Ygraine. It feels like… someone standin' in front of me and going 'no, stop, you're doin' it wrong." She sits a bit, looking at Elaine. "But if this is wrong… it wouldn't feel so right every moment of our lives we're not in these dreams. Right?" She does sound like she half trying to convince herself, but she's trying to be strong like she said she would be.

There's a meek nod from Elaine, who moves forward to wrap her arms around Quinn. "I'm sorry, I'm not mad, it's just all of this… I just want us to be together. I want to have a life with you, and I don't want to think it's wrong in any way. I don't think it is wrong!"

Now, Quinn does something she's never really done before. And admittedly, Ygraine would do to her. But that's not something that occurs to her, much less the driving force behind the motion as Quinn reaches up Elaine's arms, attempting to pull the other woman over into her seat and on to her lap. "I don't either!" Quinn doesn't shout, but there's clearly emotion in her voice. "We'll be t'gether. It'll take the universe t' tear us apart, right? An' even then… I'll go kickin' and screamin' t' keep you. I can't take shit anymore. I really can't… b-but… as sad it's all made me, I don't want t' lose you over it."

Settling into Quinn's lap, Elaine moves and buries her face in against Quinn's neck. She's a little taller, so it is kind of awkward, but… she can't help but shift so she can be comfortable and still manage the maneuver. "I don't want to lose you either, so… let's just stick with that. You and I. Here. Together. Nothing's going to change that."

And Quinn can only sit up so much, so it'll just have to be a bit awkward. "Together," she mummers, muffled against Elaine's head as she whispers. "It's just us. No one else. An' if I do find out who's doin' this… Once I find out why, I'm going to find the most point spot I can kick or punch them in an' do it." She smiles a bit at that, holding Elaine close. She lets silence linger for a moment, before she lets out a sigh. "I… do you want me t' not talk t' Ygraine about it?" she asks. "Because… I feel like I should," which in turn means she's not upset at Elaine anymore for talking to Sable, "but… if you don't want me to, I won't."

The offer causes a bit of a smile from Elaine. It was more than she had offered Quinn. "You should talk to her. It isn't as personal as a wedding and I trust you to keep your head about you. I don't know that I trust her not to…" She shakes her head. "I will try and think the best of her until she proves me otherwise."

Quinn turns her head, kissing at Elaine's neck. "But it is as personal as starting a family, Elaine. I… I won't promise I won't cry. Or that she won't make me. But… I'm not going t' run back t' her just because I talk t' her about this. You can trust me, Elaine, I promise."

"J-Just don't let her make you feel bad. Don't let her try and get you back. It would hurt. A lot. You're starting a family in there, in a way, but… not as personal. It was more abrupt. J-Just…" Elaine sighs, eyes shutting as she squeezes Quinn. "I hate this bullshit."

There's a bit of a snort from Quinn, though it's more amused than anything. And it really just leads to her coughing. "Preachin' t' the choir, Elaine," she says softly, shaking her head at Elaine. "She won't. I'm yours. If… if we can last through you marryin' Sable in a few years, I think we can survive Ygraine an' I startin' a family in… it had t' be more than twenty years."

"Well, this was more like six or so… maybe a little more, give or take," Elaine murmurs. "So long as you don't leave me in twenty years… I think we'll be just fine. Ygraine can come back in twenty years and see how things are. Until then you're mine. Mine."

"No, Elaine. I'm not going t' up an' leave you in twenty years. An' if I do, you have my permission t' beat me until I'm not stupid anymore. We'll last that long an' longer." And affirming nod of her head, and Quinn's arms tighten around Elaine. "There's no until then. I'm yours."

"If I can move when I'm that old…" Elaine teases, arms squeezing Quinn a little more tightly. Her eyes scan the other woman. "Can we crawl back into bed?" She questions, looking kind of pleading. "Just want you close… and it'd be a lot more comfortable…"

"Oh trust me. I'll make sure you can," Quinn replies with a bit of a choked out laugh - but she seems genuinely happy in saying that. "I'd love t'. Just… let me put the whiskey up first." She leans down a bit, kissing Elaine on the neck.

Several moments of silence pass as she waits for Elaine to move, before Quinn looks off to the side, somewhat pensively speaking up again. "For what it's worth… I'd marry you in an instant, if we both thought it was time," she says quietly, gaze sweeping back over to the redhead's. "An'… I know every couple madly in love says that. But I'd love you. An'… I'd like t' think I mean it. We've only been datin' a short while, but… we've been close long enough that I feel like I can say that an' be sure I mean it."

"If I wasn't scared that the timing was wrong I'd say yes, but… who knows how long it'll take." Elaine murmurs. "For what it's worth I would marry you. If you asked." She smile weakly, her arms pulling the other woman in closer.

"I'll have t' hold you to that then." A pause, and she tilts her head a bit. "I just realised… you called me Robyn." This is said with an expanding smile, Quinn squeezing the other woman. "Go on. Get up. We'll go back t' bed. An' from here on out? Only good nights. I swear it."

There's a smile from her, moving to get to her feet and Elaine tugs Quinn with her. "I did call you Robyn. I remembered." She murmurs. "So good nights. We don't doubt each other now." She offers a smile, moving towards the bedroom.

"I think if we can survive this… we can survive anythin'," Quinn notes as she rises up when tugged, following with a bit of a laugh behind Elaine. Her free hand raises up, attempting to wipe the rest of face - and tears away. "God. I'm sorry… I'm sorry I woke you you for this."

"No… it's okay. I think I'm actually gonna take a few days off, kind of rest up and maybe just stay home, you know? I'm just… I know I've got spring break coming up but I just… I don't know…" Elaine moves for the bedroom, fingers laced in Quinn's.

"I think that'd be good… maybe I'll sneak away from work early over the next few days so we ca spend some time together. Or you can come with me some." Quinn smiles a bit. "Didn't we already say we were going t' do taht?" She lets out a bit of sigh, shaking her head. "I don't know either. But… we'll be fine. Right?"

Elaine gives a nod. "I'd like to go with you. Hell, maybe I can distract you at work. Either way.. I just fucking need some time to relax and not deal with this shit, you know?" She sighs.

"I don't think I need any more distractions," Quinn replies with a bit of a laugh as they come to a stop at the side of Elaine's bed, Quinn climbing into it. "But I'd love t' have you there. It'd be nice… an' maybe we'll see Nicole. Just watch out for Dirk an' Tahir. I think all they care about if finding something to stick their penises in sometimes." She takes a deep breath, lying back. "I hope this shit is over soon. Or that this is the worst of it, for us."

Elaine winks. "I'll just give 'em blue balls and then come make out with you while I know that they're watching." She teases, climbing onto the bed and crawling under the covers. "Think you'll be able to go back to sleep?"

Reaching down between her and Elaine, Quinn retakes the redhead's hands, fingers laced between hers as she shifts so that she's looking at Elaine with a smile on her face. "I'll find a way, I'm sure. I have a busy day t'morrow."

There's a small nod, Elaine pressing in close to Quinn. "Mmkay. I'll shut up and let you sleep, then, I guess." She leans in for a kiss. "I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to sleep right away."

"You don't have t' shut up," Quinn says quietly, leaning forward and kissing at Elaine's neck. "I'm not going back t' sleep right away either. I'm a little- I'm still too awake cause of…" she waves her free hands dismissively. "So… please. Keep talkin'."

Elaine slides her arms around Quinn. "Do you… feel okay? I mean, I know you don't, but…" She sighs. "Just… tell me everything. Tell me what you're honestly thinking and what you're afraid of."

"With… this future stuff? Quinn asks, looking a bit pensive. "Or in general?" There's an important distinct there, Quinn pulling the other woman close. "And only if you do it too."

"I'm fine with divulging if you are," Elaine murmurs. "And I mean, in general. It doesn't have to be just dream stuff.. but i think that causes a lot of problems with it, you know?" She kisses Quinn's cheek. "Tell me what you're thinking? No matter what. I won't get mad. Or at least I'll tell you if what you say makes me mad but I won't go storming off and we'll take care of it. I just… I want to be on clear ground with you. We can't have fights if we know everything."

Quinn gives a bit of a nod, letting out a tired sigh. "I… don't know. I just… I don't like where things are goin' these days. Stuff like what's in the dreams, an' what I heard from Kaylee… Staten Island, the way they're moving people out there, robots I've heard about, an' apparently the leader of FRONTLINE was someone bunch of Ferry people knew… an' now she's been outted as a "terrorist?" Quinn closes her eyes. "It scares the shit out of me, being here. I feel like I'm unsafe just 'cause I'm evolved. An' that makes me scared for you an' all our friends. Ygraine… shit, she's on the run now because a' this shit." She pulls Elaine until there's no space between them, breathing quietly for a moment. "I worry about you. Now I feel bad for getting you mixed up in all a' this. But.. knowing everyone who was, I guess it didn't matter. I'm still sorry, though."

A hand reaches up, scratching the back of Quinn's neck. "I'm just… I'm scared of everything right now. Even stuff I shouldn't be. I mean, even my dreams are makin' me scared I'm going t' lose people I love. I mean, fuck. Sleep should be the one place I'm safe." Her eyes close a bit, before the hand moves to Elaine's cheek. "I'm not really good at this, I'm sorry."

Elaine leans in to kiss Quinn gently. "No, you aren't bad at this. That was wonderful. You told me what you were scared of and you were truthful. And you didn't get me mixed up in this. Yeah, there's the slim chance they'll look at me because I'm connected to you and you're connected to Ygraine, but you can get around that. You'll be okay, even if they ask questions. I know things are hard for her now but at least she's alive and well. And I don't think you're gonna lose anyone. And you know what? Bad dreams are just that. Dreams that are bad, and once you wake up and get over it, you can go right back to sleep. No one's ever had one twice in one night, you know." Well, as far as she knows.

"I'm glad I have you t' be positive when I'm not, Elaine," Quinn says quietly, laughing a bit. "It helps more than you'll even know. I try, but… it's hard, these days. It makes me fe alien. That's… that dream I had, where I shot the guy. That's what I hated most. Besides shooting a guy an' Nicole almost gettin' raped. It just… there was no positivity. Just acceptance an' action. It wasn't me."

"I think these dreams are just telling us potential. Things that could potentially happen. Doesn't mean they are going to. We've already changed things. It's just saying that there are things in life that could have made you hardened like that. Are you honestly saying you couldn't shoot someone, knowing that someone's life was in danger like that and if you had been made an outcast by society and seen horrors beyond your wildest dreams?" Elaine pulls Quinn in close. "It doesn't mean it's positive. But it shows you what could happen to you. What you're capable of. In my dream… it proves that Sable is capable of settling down, you know? It proves that you and Ygraine are devoted enough people to take in a child. I don't know that it's our future. We're just characters in A Christmas Carol. We're Scrooge, and we see what Christmas Future is like and then get the chance to make sure to celebrate the Christmas spirit, you know what I mean?"

"I hate that book. It's so trite," Quinn jokes, lowering her head against Elaine's shoulder. "I… never said I couldn't. But I didn't even think of doin' anythin' else, Elaine. That guy… the other woman with us, she just knocked him out. An' I had the drop on mine. I could've blinded him, knocked him, tied him up… but I didn't even think twice. I just put a bullet in his head. That's what worries me." Quinn's eyes close, and she exhales rather sharply. "I hope you're right," is something that's been said several times now. "What… what about you?"

"I know. But you're keeping him from going and doing that to another woman. And who knows how many he's already done that to," Elaine murmurs, but leans in to kiss Quinn. "I'll be honest… this all, the dreams… I know stuff is worrying, that the future could be like that, but it makes me want to just make sure I live better in the present. It makes me want to live in the moment because shit may go to hell a few years from now. Things may change too much. And it worries me because I'm scared shitless of losing you and I just don't want anything to go wrong with us because of all this. I don't want us to fight about it. And I know it's not the future or anything that will happen… but my dream was nice. It felt right and that makes me feel bad because I know that's something that will never happen. It's weird knowing what could have happened and being too far to change things. Not that I would, mind, because I love you and I think you're much better for me. It's just… I'd want to know what that life was like. I want so badly to know what Sable thinks about all of this and I'm just scared it's gonna open that wound all over again not because I'm hoping to get back with her but because it doesn't even make her hurt over it. It doesn't make her wonder. Like whatever it was never mattered." She lets out a tired sigh. "I don't even know that this is coming out right. What I mean to say is that, while I don't want that dream to be true, I'm curious how it would have turned out and I'm upset because I feel like an idiot fussing over a dream when Sable doesn't really give a rat's ass about that future. It just feels like… I don't know. It's hard to explain. Do you understand at all?"

Quinn gives Elaine the same courtesy she had give her, sitting there and listening as Elaine speaks, slowly sitting up as she speaks, back against the headboard. She does look a little sad, but… who wouldn't. It doesn't last, though, and instead she reaches down and takes Elaine's hand, pulling it up her lips for a kiss. "I'd… I want t' know what it's like to have that girl, Elaine. I know how you feel. I… I might have been mad an' hurt the other day, but… I get it now. An' honestly, that just makes the pain of my dream that much sharper. It makes me sadder. But… I get it. It was nice, an' I'd like t' have known what that was like. Particularly… now that I know it can never happen. But with any luck… that poor girl won't find herself in that situation now. That's the best thing I can take away from that. That maybe… she'll never need a second set of parents."

And then she fall silent, looking at Elaine for a moment. Steady, intent. Thoughtful. And then she speaks. "Marry me," seems abrupt, and if there was more light in the room, it would be easy to see the blush on her face. "I- Let me try that again," she chokes out, shaking her head. "L-Live in the moment with me. Make a promise with me… if it feels right, in a year… we'll get married. An' we'll find that happiness in our own way." She gives a lopsided smile. It's hard to tell if the suggestion is entirely serious because of it. "An' we'll find other ways to live in the moment between now and then."

Elaine blinks in surprise at the suggestion, leaning in close to kiss her. "Is that a 'we'll get married in a year' kind of thing or a 'we'll get engaged in a year' thing?" She questions, her arms sliding around Quinn a little bit. "Because you make me happy and if you're asking me if I want to get married to you, the answer is yes… I just… if you're proposing marriage to me right now and wanting to get married, if it feels right, in a year, that's not a very romantic proposal and you'll have to get up and do it right."

"I…" Quinn reaches back, scratching the back of her head nervously. She swallows hard, taking another deep breath. "I- guess I meant married in a year. I- didn't really think of it as.. proposing, since, it's not right in a year, we put it off to later… " she sits up, taking both of Elaine's hands and hold them in front of her. "But if that's what you want, I'll give it to you. It's… something I want. But, I mean… I don't know. Proposing on a whim like that… isn't that kinda crazy?" Her tone is pensive and unsure - but hopeful.

Elaine sits up too, glancing back over across at Quinn. "I don't think it's crazy. I talked about it… with Sable. How after my dream I wanted to just ask you to marry me. That I wanted to just prove to you how much I love you and how easy that dream is to stop, how easy it is to make that you instead of Sable. It might be a tiny bit crazy, but… it's what we both want. I don't ever want to leave you, Quinn. It's sudden, but it's not wrong."

Quinn stares at Elaine for a good few moments, before she takes both Elaine's hands and presses them together, her hands overlapping both as she holds them up between them. "Will you marry me, Elaine Adie Darrow?" When she asks the question, it's filled with earnest emotion. Uncertainly. Hope. The look in her eyes is the same, and slowly, Quinn's hands begin to glow with a dull red light. "I-I guess this is a proposal. One year, if it feels right. Or your birthday. I don't have a ring, but…" She exhales slowly, breathing hard and nervous. "It's what I want."

"If this is a proposal, then I am saying yes, Robyn Quinn," Elaine murmurs, reaching to kiss the back of Quinn's hands. "In a year, I will marry you, if it feels right. And if it doesn't? We just put it off for longer." She leans in to kiss Quinn. "I don't have a ring either. I suppose we can just find something while we're in Ireland…" She looks back to Quinn. "You know what is the strangest part? This all just feels so natural."

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